Most new published authors' profiles these day's seem to read along these lines.
"After doing a degree in Creative Writing I went to work as a Milk Maid and spent twelve years working on a farm in Devon during which time I fell in love with a farmer and we had two beautiful children. It was then that I wrote my novel which is about a Milk Maid who'd spent twelve years working on a farm in Devon during which time she fell in love with a farmer and they had two beautiful children."
And therefore it's not really surprising that books on the shelves these days are all so insanely boring!
I think at some stage between 1980 and 2015 people lost the ability to use their imagination and book agents lost their ability to take a f*cking risk!
Leo, there's something wrong with you! You have what I believe used to be called an "imagination". That, combined with a sense of humour, makes you a very dangerous individual.
I suggest you go lock yourself in a cupboard until you come around to the way everyone else thinks. Maybe take a TV in with you that's only able to receive Eastenders. I'm sure after a few years you'll be feeling much better.
Meanwhile I'll let the police know. They may wish to lock you up in a more secure environment, like Broadmoor Prison for example.
I spent 12 years in the secret service, 10 of which disguised as a milk maid. I eventually married the farmer but had to make my escape after my stash of imac ran out. I survived in the wild, living off my wits and wild berries, before paddling back to Blighty on some drift wood.
I know hope to hit the big time with my story of a dragon that lost his fire and the little girl that helped him find it again.
I think they're all looking for something extraordinarily similar to whatever it was that last flew off the shelf the week before. Subsequently I'm now working on a new novel called Trout Fishing in the Oman.