I'm having a phrasing headache that I can't figure out. When a group of people are straining to hear something quiet, which is correct:
"She called for silence and they all strained their ears." or
She called for silence and they all strained their hearing."
I agree with philip ears works best :)
Yep, I much prefer Claire's try. Concise, gets the message across deftly, as would be the case in such a scene of heightened tension. You've already got the short, snappy sentence structures; leave off the long words like 'descended' for now. You want the reader listening intently too, heart going like the clappers, waiting for what's coming.
Might i have a go??
The last one is the best.
She called for silence.
But you ruined it with the sentence which follows, try skipping it.
She called for silence. In the distance, a faint whistling noise could only just be heard.