Approaching the King of Welsh Noir for writing advice

I joined Twitter and said, “If Malcolm Pryce (author of Louie Knight Aberystwyth novels and one of my favourite writers) ever follows me, I’ll write and ask him to read the first chapter of my ‘book’”.

Of course, there was no chance whatsoever that this was going to happen, so I knew I was pretty safe. But guess what? He did. Not even two months later, a notification popped up on my phone alerting me to a new Twitter follower: @exogamist. The name rang a bell. I clicked through only to come face to face with the King of Welsh Noir himself.

I use the term ‘book’ in its loosest sense; what I had, in fact, was about eight incomplete chapters about a gangly teenage boy living in the small Welsh town of Port Talbot. Under normal circumstances I would have dismissed my ‘deal’, but the fact that he had actually followed me left me with no choice but to go through with it.

Despite clearly stating on his website that he’d only reply if you weren’t bonkers, the next thing I knew, I’d typed an email and hit send.

Subject: Hello. (Not bonkers. Promise.)

Dear Malcolm,

Well, you may not believe this story, but I made a deal with myself just two months ago that I would ask you to read the first chapter of my 'book' if you ever followed me on Twitter.

To say I've been a huge fan of yours for years is an understatement (and yes, a cliché), but I love your Aberystwyth books so much that I buy them for friends and family every birthday and Christmas (even my Aunty who only reads Mills and Boon).

This morning you followed me on Twitter, and now I'm writing to ask whether you'd consider reading the first (and currently only finished) chapter of what might turn out to be a bestseller, although I doubt it. I'd like to know a) if it's actually funny to anyone other than my dad, and b) whether I should bother continuing writing more.

The story follows a geeky teenage boy in Port Talbot.

I appreciate you don't work for free, so let me know what you'd like - figs, money, new shoes, etc.

In all seriousness, I'd be honoured if you were willing to provide feedback.

All the best,

Nia

Did I expect a response? Perhaps, but not the type I received. I expected an automated email to say that he was very busy, appreciated the email, but could not help at this time. However, here’s how his email opened.

Hi Nia

I can't believe it, I go out for ten minutes and leave my goose in charge of the computer and he goes and follows a load of people [on Twitter]!

Curious, I read on to find that Malcolm was offering me a completely unique deal. He would read my first chapter and offer his opinion if, in return, I agreed to read something of his. He wanted me to provide feedback on a module he had just written for his online Creative Writing School, the Zoo of Words.

Who could turn down such a deal? I wrote back, nervously attached my first chapter and awaited his response.

Magic formulas and Bumglue

Malcolm’s feedback was more than I could have asked for. While in essence, I’m now starting over by experimenting with different points of view, the feedback I received was completely inspiring and left me with a renewed love for writing.

Hi Nia

Thanks for sending me your chapter. I thought it was quite bright and funny and you can obviously write, that’s the good news; but there is a lot of work that needs to be done, almost entirely because—as I hinted at earlier—you haven’t written the novel and thus I suspect you are not really clear what it is about.

Fair point. Malcolm then went on to explain the magic formula behind writing a novel - a structure which needs to be in place before you can go about making it funny.

Purists will be horrified that I could be so uncouth as to suggest there is a formula, but a formula is a damn useful thing if you are not quite sure what it is you are supposed to be doing...

A novel is about someone who wants something. He/she wants it for a reason and that reason must be meaningful to the hero. The author’s job is to stop him getting it until the end. To give him a hard time. Indeed for most of the story he may appear to be moving away rather than towards his goal.

This ‘want’ may change over the course of the story, but if it does, it gets bigger and more urgent. During the course of his struggle, the hero usually, but not always, undergoes a change sometimes referred to as growth. For this to happen he needs to have, underlying the ‘want’, a psychological ‘need’ that he has to fix in order to become whole again. So he may end up at the end of the journey not getting what he wants, but what he needs.

Take Scrooge. He wanted money but really needed to become a member of the human race again, to love and feel joy and stuff. At the end of A Christmas Carol he is transformed. He’s happy and spiritually healed and no longer cares about money.

Next on Malcolm’s list was the fact that a lot of the jokes were verbal like TV sitcoms, rather than springing out of character and situation - I was telling rather than showing.

One problem with it is, it is very much ‘tell’ rather than ‘show’. You will doubtless have heard the injunction ‘show, don’t tell’ many times. It can mean lots of things but in essence it means the author’s job is not to tell me what to think, not to instruct me, but to present to me the material and allow me to form my own reaction.

Instead of telling the food was disgusting, i.e. an instruction to be disgusted, put a tampon in the ice cream and evoke the feeling of disgust. Instead of saying she was rich and spoilt the cat, show us the cat eating smoked salmon off a solid silver plate.

Following a multitude of suggestions surrounding characters and points of view, Malcolm finished up with this:

To sign off I will give you the greatest piece of single word writing advice it is in my gift to bestow and which will, if assiduously followed, solve 80% of your writing issues: Bumglue.

Anyone who has sat down to write and then thought of a hundred chores that seem more urgent like oiling the gate will understand the spirit behind Bumglue. Sound advice (pardon the pun).

Malcolm’s Slushbusting service

From reading just one chapter, Malcolm gave me a load of pointers and a heck of a lot to think about, as well as the kind offer of mentoring as I continue on my quest to write a novel. While you might be sat there thinking that I’m incredibly lucky (which I am), the good news is that Malcolm offers creative lessons and a Slushbusting service to budding writers.

Before you send your novel to an agent, Malcolm can check your manuscript for red flags and make sure that it gets the best possible start in life. He also has some superb lessons on character, structure, plot and storytelling.

To finish, what I've learnt from my contact with Malcolm is that writing is not for the fainthearted as it takes a certain amount of courage to write. (Malcolm advised me to "lay a place for Brother Doubt at the dinner table and get used to having him around" when writing.) In the words of a self-help book I once saw, if you’re scared of doing something, feel the fear and do it anyway.

Nia is a bilingual copywriter based in the Welsh capital of Cardiff. Inspired by dark comedy and the curious world of private detectives, she hopes one day to publish a novel. You can find here on Twitter here: @NiaRCampbell