Facebook or bust?

 I was recently invited to take part in a project called Bugged. The idea being that writers eavesdrop on people’s conversations and then write pieces inspired by what they've heard and post them online. This was my contribution, entitled 'I grow old, I grow old':

I was sitting on the top deck of a bus - always a good place for eavesdropping - when two Birmingham school girls got on. I can’t say listening to the conversation of Brummie school girls counts as eavesdropping. You wouldn’t have to drop very far from any eaves to hear them!

Birmingham girls, from state or private schools, whether modestly attired in head scarves and trousers, or with school skirts  hoisted so high you can read the label in the back of their knickers when they walk up the bus stairs - have one thing in common: loud and carrying voices which they are not afraid to use.

I once overheard (I use the term loosely) one complaining she had fallen out with someone because 'She was always chatting my  business', despite the  fact she herself was chatting her own business at a decibel level that could be picked up by incoming aircraft to Birmingham International.

So the two girls got on, and as is their custom, made quite sure we’d all be in the act by sitting at opposite ends of the bus to conduct their private and intimate conversation. My own ears pricked up. I had this piece to write. My luck was in.

'Well' said/shrieked one 'that’s it. I’ve dumped him.  Just couldn’t take any more. Not after what he did'. 'Why, what did he do?' asked/bellowed her friend. (This was just the stuff I was after.) 'Oh, you can read all about it on my Facebook page. I can’t be bothered going into it all again. Do you want to get some chips?'

I’d certainly had mine. I couldn’t read about it on her Facebook Page. I’m not on Facebook.

Am I on my way to becoming a social outcast? I don’t want to sound immodest, but I never thought it would happen to me. I’m from a  large family, I’m still in contact with 12 of my school friends (if the net’s down we just shout to each other across  England and in one case Wales).

Apart from  university, I’ve always lived in Birmingham, and the Midland writing community  is close and friendly. Or it was. Until I started falling out of the loop. I missed publications - readings, performances, workshops.

My friends would say  'but it was on my website; all in my blog; flagged up on Facebook'.  And it isn't just people’s work I was missing out on either - seems I'm missing out on dinner dates, parties and nights out.

Call me timid, but I’m old, I can’t just lurk outside buildings with my nose pressed against the window (like Cathy in Wuthering Heights) to see if  they’ll let me in.  I need – what’s that old fashioned  thing called - an invitation. And I'd like to think I'd be issued with one, that is, I'm sure I would, if of course, I was on Facebook.

Anyone else out of the loop?

Mary Cutler has been a scriptwriter for The Archers since 1979. Read more from Mary in the Writers' & Artists' Yearbook »