Writers and the Dreaded R-Word

I’m not sure about you, but rejection leads me straight to the cookie tin. I’m not ashamed to admit I stay in there for a good twenty minutes, devouring as much sugar as humanly possible. In those moments, I am a savage and manage to recollect every rejection I’ve ever had (every short story submitted, agent rejection, all the jobs I’ve ever applied to, even the singing role I never landed in the school play). My mind, which can never remember anything useful when required, is suddenly able to recall lines of rejection letters (with vivid detail) received from universities ten years earlier. So, if I wasn’t already feeling like an insecure-useless-worthless-waste-of-space-failure-with-no-prospects, my mind has conjured up enough images to ensure that label remains.

As a writer of a novel being reviewed by publishers, it is near-impossible not to take rejections personally. When publishers say ‘we don’t sign many psychological thrillers’ my immediate response is ‘but you sign some, why not mine?’ When do-gooders tell me not to take things personally, it takes all of my will-power (and my general reluctance to get a criminal record) not to punch them in the face. When I read some of the dribble that gets published, a little part of me dies.

But, I’m working on it.

I watched J K Rowling’s Harvard University Commencement speech where she talked about the fringe benefits of failure. Being in the position she’s in, hindsight gives her an unparalleled perspective. I have no doubt she had a rough path and I felt for her when she described the rock bottom she’d reached (struggling to make ends meet, dealing with a failed marriage, a young child, a low income). Being a Harry Potter fan myself, I’m relieved (and jealous!) her manuscript made it out of the bottom drawer (where would the world be without the loveable wizard?). But I do wonder how the ‘struggling J K Rowling’ would have reacted to someone telling her to listen to a talk on the ‘fringe benefits of failure’. Perhaps not so well? I am aware of the intended audience of J K Rowling’s speech, but my point is that one should be in a position to accept advice before being offered it. I imagine a struggling J K Rowling would be too busy re-building her life to listen to the benefits of doing so.

When you’re in the eye of the storm and in the middle of dealing with yet another rejection, there isn’t much that can help. It hurts, makes you mad and at times you want to throw your MS in the bin (not a good idea!) But as we know, the feeling passes.

So why don’t I have a famous speech, movie or book about the ‘fringe benefits of rejection’ I can turn to in my hour of need? (Hugh Prather’s ‘Notes to Myself’ is a recommendation). Strangely enough, I’ve been drawing several parallels between publishers not responding and the movie ‘He’s just not that into you’. Maybe that’s how I should view publishers who reject me? ‘They’re just not that into me?’ (Ooh, maybe an all-star cast could feature in it? Who’d play me? Anne Hathaway?) But yet again, the ending in the movie (where the girl gets the guy) is much like J K Rowling’s story (the girl gets the publishing deal, blockbuster movies, opens up her own studios in the UK and her book is available in 63 languages and published in over 200 countries!). But in real life, does that happen? I mean, there’s only one J K Rowling right?

So here’s the thing. When I look over my life and single out those defining moments, I begin to see all the rejection I’ve had to deal with - and there’s a hell of a lot! From family, friends, relationships, boys, girls, jobs, colleges, work places, competitions, the list goes on. So, why wasn’t I taught to better deal with it? Surely there’s a need for a course to be taught at school? (‘Hurrah!’ The academics cheer. ‘We’ll just talk about it!’ the philosophers cry. ‘It keeps them downtrodden!’ the Marxists spit. ‘Take a seat on my sofa,’ the therapist purrs.)

I suppose handling rejection isn’t something that we can be taught. It’s part of being human and forms a necessary part of life. Not only for writers, but for everyone. There may only be one J K Rowling, but let’s face it, there’s plenty of room for others [I’ll insert my name here…]

So when I get rejected what do I do? 

Easy. I google other famous authors who were rejected. They had the determination to carry on and look at what the world would have missed if they hadn’t:

1. ‘The Notebook’ by Nicholas Sparks was rejected by 24 literary agents
2. ‘A Time to Kill’ by John Grisham was rejected by 16 literary agents and 12 publishers 
3. 'Gone with the Wind’ by Margaret Mitchell was rejected 38 times
4. Beatrix Potter’s ‘The Tale of Peter Rabbit’ was rejected so many times, she self-published
5. Steven King’s ‘Carrie’ was rejected 30 times before it was accepted
6. ‘Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance’ by Robert M. Pirsig was rejected 121 times 
7. ‘Harry Potter’ by J K Rowling was rejected 12 times 
8. ‘Twilight’ by Stephanie Meyers was rejected 14 times 
9. ‘Roots’ by Alex Haley was rejected 200 times
10. William Golding’s ‘The Lord of the Flies’ was rejected with the following comment: “An absurd and uninteresting fantasy which was rubbish and dull”

In the words of Hugh Prather, ‘Live as if everything you do will eventually be known.’ Because there’s no reason it won’t be.

Farheen is a British, Dubai-based writer and project manager. She studied English Literature and has completed several writing courses. She recently finished her debut novel Inside Out, which is currently being reviewed by publishers. For more information, please take a look at her website.