Before I became a mother, I vowed I would never join a mother and baby group. Before I had twins, I vowed I would never join a twins and multiple births group. Before I set out to become a published writer, I vowed I would never join a writers’ group.
Guess what? I joined all three.
It’s not that I couldn’t manage on my own. I consider myself to be self-sufficient, self-disciplined and rigorously independent. Yet, there have been undeniable benefits to joining all these groups. Here are some.
Empathy
Only mothers of twins know how annoying it is when, oblivious to your bedraggled appearance and bloodshot eyes, someone says, ‘Oooh, I always wanted twins.’ Only writers know how annoying it is when, oblivious to your bedraggled appearance and bloodshot eyes, someone says, ‘Oooh I always wanted to write a book.’ It’s good to meet up with people who truly understand your experiences, with whom you can enjoy a good moan and who will tell you it’s okay to feel the way you feel.
Other writers know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of rejection. They know what it is to have to justify an unprofitable activity to family members, or to carve out enough time for it in an impossibly busy schedule. When you’re feeling downhearted, these are the people who can build you up. These are the ones who won’t advise you to, who won’t let you, call it a day.
Practical advice
Just as mums can offer a wealth of information and advice on rearing children, writers can offer help on a wide range of topics. There’s always something new to hear about, from submission opportunities to literary talks, software programs to funding resources. I have found writers to be extremely generous with their knowledge and experience.
Critical feedback
It’s probably fair to say that this benefit is exclusive to writers’ groups. I would not recommend going to a mother and baby group and telling someone they’re not doing such a good job. Serious writers, however, seek constructive criticism. It’s so very hard to judge how we’re doing in isolation. It’s so hard to get an objective view on our work. There is no purely objective view. But other writers will at least be able to give feedback on technical issues, as well as their own subjective responses.
This is where the choice of group is critical. It’s not so important to find people writing in the same genre, or at the same stage, as to find people with a good eye who can give astute and helpful feedback. The only way to find these people, if you don’t know them already, is by trial and error.
There are legions of writers’ groups to choose from. They often advertise in writers’ magazines, the local library, college or online. Apart from critical acumen, there are other things to consider when deciding which group is the right one for you. At one end of the spectrum, there are informal groups with irregular get togethers and more emphasis on general chat than sharing work. At the other extreme, there are groups which meet like clockwork, with elected committees and constitutions and critique slots that have to be booked in advance and some may have criteria for acceptance into the group that require submission of work. If you can’t find a group that meets your needs, you could always set one up yourself. This is all the more feasible nowadays with the advent of applications like Meet Up.
Beware, however, of becoming too involved. It’s easy to get side-tracked into meeting and talking about writing rather than actually doing it. Writing groups can become just another displacement activity. You may find yourself spending too much time critiquing other people’s work, or sitting on a committee, or editing a newsletter, or judging competitions, or even running a literary festival. This is all well and good if that’s what you want to do, but for me the reason for joining in the first place was because I wanted to write.
Making Friends
Last but not least. Writing is a solitary pursuit. Whilst solitude suits me fine most of the time, I’m not a complete misanthrope and I recognise that social outlets are important too. When you join a writing group, you start off with a common interest. It’s not a pre-requisite for a close friendship, nor a guarantee, but it helps. You may even find you share more than one interest in common. Some of my mother and baby friends are also interested in writing. Some of my writer friends actually have children. As the Americans say, go figure.
I have made some very close friends through these groups who have stayed with me long after I’ve left the group behind. In all, there’s a lot to be said for it.
Claudia Cruttwell is currently seeking representation for her psychological suspense novel entitled, ‘A Piece of Broken Sky.’ She has an MA in Creative Writing from Brunel University and writes short stories on a variety of themes. She blogs about her journey to publication on her website and can also be found on Twitter @cscruttwell.
Barbara, your post really made me laugh. Why do people feel the need to comment on your apparent productivity? I love the quilt making as a way of warding them off. It does sound like a writers' group, if you can find one that suits you, would be a good idea. If nothing else, you can sit back and laugh about all those unhelpful remarks. In the end, I think there is no better reason to write than that you like writing. It doesn't matter about getting published or making money. It's about fulfilling a need in you. Not all writers get that, but generally more will than those who don't write. Best of luck.
Hi Elizabeth. Thanks for your comment. I'm glad you found your writers' group so useful. What great things it led to. Good luck with the next one. As for doing an MA, I would totally recommend it. The benefits are similar to belonging to a good writers' group. There is the same sense of community and support and validation. But, on top of this, you get expert input from professional writers, you get given assignments which challenge and broaden your abilities, you get to learn more about the publishing industry and, hopefully, with deadlines and word counts to meet, you get a decent body of work behind you. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you all the best.
As if being a housewife with four children isn't enough of a pastime why do I get asked, 'But what do you do all day?' If I dare to say I liked to write in quiet moments they chirp up and ask me when I'll be published. Quiet moments are pretty rare with littluns about your feet and when they go to school there is a social pressure to get out to work as well as being everyone's taxi service, cook and laundry maid at home. 'And did you ever publish your book?' asks an aunt every Christmas with other relatives waiting for the answer too. 'If you have a skill you should use it to bring in an income, dear,' she says. The company nods in agreement. Lawks, I don't think I have any skill. I just like writing stories. How can I answer? If I say that I would likely earn more working in a supermarket, they'd dismiss me as a coward. Perhaps I am. I was working in a supermarket at the time, and my inner writer marvelled at the other characters there and the fascinating stuff that goes on behind the scenes in such a place. 'If you were any good, why are you working here?' is the question asked by colleagues who were friendly enough to chat. This is a valid point of course, but with such tricky questions I have learned to keep quiet about my hobby. Apparently, making patchwork quilts is too boring a matter to induce troublesome questions so I swing with that nowadays when people ask. Nobody tests me by asking if I sell my quilts, or how they had always wanted to try their hand at sewing squares together, ha!
Maybe my next step should be to join a writing group, so at least I can talk to people who 'get it'.
Interesting blog!