Darkness Reigns (An Excerpt)

by Michelle Hurst
27th January 2022

This is an excerpt from 10 chapters that I have written, out of context it may cause a little bit of confusion with the characters.

 

 

As the snow flurries lay and covered the ground it was becoming a white Winterland and a beautiful picture-postcard scene but it was hiding the evil of what had happened this evening in my hometown.

As we drove home I watched the landscape go past in a blur being covered in a perfect blanket of snow that glistened under the moonlight when suddenly a thunderous roar of a car engine behind us and two high beam headlights shone in through the back window, blinding Charlie as he drove.

"What is that idiot doing?" Charlie asked as he changed the position of his mirror so the light wasn't shining into his eyes.

"He is too close to you. Touch your brakes, maybe he will back off."

"I just did, but he is still coming. Asshole!"

I could hear the rumble of the car getting closer, suddenly I felt a shunt from the back of our car, Charlie and I lurched forward at the force.

"Shit!" Charlie shouted.

Charlie increased his speed and changed gear twice, I could feel the car beginning to lose grip on the road as the fresh snow made the surface slippery. Still, the car behind us increased its speed and hit us again.

I could see Charlie beginning to struggle with control of the car as we sped around the windy country roads. I gripped the sides of my seat as I watched the speedometer dial increase and Charlie swerved left and right trying to get away from the maniac.

The car hit us again this time with more force, pushing us into the oncoming traffic lane, luckily for us, there were no other cars on the road as Charlie fought with the steering wheel to straighten our car again.

"Charlie will you please just pull over and let him pass before he kills us both," I screamed at him.

"Abbie he doesn't want me to pull over," Charlie shouted back. I checked the left-wing mirror, I could see the car was still coming and he was going to hit us again. There was a loud blatant crunch as his front grill made contact with our bumper again, this time remaining connected. The car was now ramming us along the Green Graves Road as Charlie fought with the steering wheel to try and stop us from careening off the side into a ditch.

"Shit! What is this guy's problem?" Charlie was now grappling with the steering wheel, trying to keep the car straight but we were picking up that much speed, putting the brakes on would have been suicide, so he continued to fight with the direction the car was heading until we hit a pothole and I remember putting my arms out, reaching for the dashboard trying to brace myself as the car left the road and I all could see were flashes of white followed by darkness then white again as the car plummeted down a hill, the front windscreen shattered and shards of glass came in all around us and suddenly the car stopped turning and came to an abrupt halt causing me to slam my head into the passenger side window and everything went black.

I lay semi-conscious feeling a sharp pain sear through every inch of my body.

Had five minutes passed?

Half an hour?

I had no idea.

I turned my head sideways to the right and the pain escalated. I saw Charlie slumped over the steering wheel of the car, his head turned facing me, his eyes were open and filled with pain, there was blood trickling down the side of his face.

I began to panic.

I screamed............nothing!

I screamed again............nothing!

I could hear the scream in my head but nothing was coming out. My heart began to beat faster. I stretched over to touch Charlie when I could see a light shining through the rear window of the car but no matter how hard I tried to concentrate on it, it grew dimmer and gradually faded away to darkness.

**

She was running like the wind, her tall lithe frame carrying her faultlessly through the trees, never missing a beat, coming close within a hares breath of each tree but sweeping past a split second before she would have made contact.

Her ear-splitting laughter, rang through the forest as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, smearing it with blood. Calin would be unhappy with her, he would kill her, not in the literal sense. Three cars she had wrecked this month. Right now she didn't care, she was on a high and she loved it. The fresh blood from the kill coursed through her body making her feel revitalized and restored.

There would be no way she could hide it, from Calin, it was tougher than she imagined. He had fought back, surprising her with a few blows to her stomach, his arms began flailing around grabbing at her making it near impossible for her to get to his jugular vein for the quick easy kill. She prefers this vein when a kill is intended because it leads directly to the heart and carries all the blood from the brain, carrying much more blood than the carotid artery. Rather perversely she revelled in ripping the throats out of her victims and during these attacks she became savage and uncivilised, imprinting the devastation afterwards to her memory.

Tonight her victim was trapped in his upturned car which she had forced off the road, his seatbelt was still intact restricting his movements and his leg was trapped possibly broken, jammed between the dash and the steering wheel as the front of the car had become a mangled mess. She was getting frustrated and more annoyed at his resistance, she ferociously grabbed his wrist and elbow, twisted sharply to the left and her powerful strength only an animal should possess, she nearly removed his arm as she heard every bone from his elbow to his shoulder shatter, split or break. His bloodcurdling scream made her smile with pleasure.

With his wrist in her two hands, she brought it to her mouth, her teeth descended, sharp and pointed as the smell of fresh blood teased her senses.

She hated the ulnar artery in the wrist, it was hidden under tendons making it difficult to bite, but right now she had no other choice. If only he had kept still it would have been quick and quite painless and over before he knew what was happening but he had chosen to fight her. When will these stupid humans ever learn?

His flesh popped as her teeth pierced his skin, she manoeuvred her teeth to find the vein and punctured it feeling the sweet warm taste of blood reach her tongue once it found the back of her throat she became maniacal and drank until his heart slowed and almost stopped when she pulled his wrist from her mouth. As she felt his fresh warm blood coursing through her body she threw her head back and with a gut-wrenching scream cried out with joy. She dropped his arm now limp and covered in his blood, licked her teeth in pleasure, and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, death would have to be slow for him, she had another victim in her sights, and this one she was looking forward to tasting.

Suddenly there was a sharp tug to her head from behind as someone grabbed hold of her hair that was in a tight ponytail at the nape of her neck and pulled her with force away from her intended second victim.

"No Dominika!"

She landed in the snow on her back five feet away from the car. She opened her eyes and saw him striding towards her, his eyes blazing with fury, his teeth descended ready for attack, a low hiss emanated from his lips as he got closer to her. She scrambled to get up but her spiked heeled boots were not ideal for the snow. Her limbs struggled as she panicked, she pushed hard against the snow stood in a defensive crouch, and hissed back at him.

"Don't do this, you know we are both after the same thing here." She hissed at him.

He focused on her, watching her closely waiting for his moment to strike.

One second, two seconds, he leapt at her from his standing position baring his teeth and his sharp fingernails ready to attack.

It wasn't until he was in mid-air that he knew something was wrong, she was still in her defensive stance, she had not moved. He was going to land on her, but as he did, nothing!

She had disappeared and he landed in a heap on the ground covered in snow.

**

Dominika was skipping as she flew through the forest, her feet barely touching the snow-covered ground, as she laughed out loud to herself. She was surprised she was able to trick him with her astral body, projecting it the split second when he turned to look at Abbie's still body in the wrecked car. She looked down at her clothes, dressed completely in white, her figure-hugging leather trousers and cropped leather jacket were splattered with blood.

Charlie's blood.

She had been extremely sloppy, Calin would now know what she had done tonight.

As she neared the house on Tree Folly Drive she took another look at herself. Shit. Why did he have to fight and make such a mess? If he hadn't she could have had her as well but Calin would understand, he always understood but HE didn't. If she could only get inside and get cleaned up, she would explain what happened.

There was a light on in the living room but upstairs looked in darkness. She crept to the front door and opened it slowly. From the hall, she could see the television was on and Virginia and Oliver were sitting on the sofa laughing at whatever second rate program they had chosen tonight to entertain themselves with.

Calin was nowhere to be seen.

She went straight upstairs being careful not to step on the ones that creaked. At the top, she turned right and crossed the landing to her room. Out of the four other bedrooms, hers was the only one with an en suite, if you could call it that. The shower had not worked since they moved in, the sink was hanging off the wall and the wc no longer flushed. The once brilliant white tiles were now grubby and grey but then it certainly matched the rest of the decor in the house.

She opened the door but before she could switch on the light, he grabbed her by the throat and forced her against the wall.

She tried to scream but nothing came out. She opened her eyes and found herself staring down into a similar pair of deep-set grey eyes that she saw tonight except they were full of rage.

"Please." She managed to splutter.

He squeezed tighter and then stopped, letting her fall to the ground in a heap, rubbing her neck.

"You thought you could sneak back and I would not notice? What do you take me for Dominika, some kind of fool?" He demanded.

She remained huddled on the floor frightened to lift her head and look at him.

"Answer me." He bellowed.

"I... I'm sorry." She stammered.

He sat across from her in the only chair in the room. His long limbs dwarfed the wooden chair. His legs were crossed and his hand clasped together in front of him on his lap as he stared at her.

"Did you get it?" He questioned her again.

She turned to face him. The rage was still there in his eyes, he wasn't going to like her answer but she couldn't do anything about that now. She could try and bluff something but he would know.

"N....No. There was a problem." She answered him.

He sat waiting patiently like a schoolmaster waiting for his pupil to explain their answer.

"Stand up Dominika!" He ordered her.

She stood up and with her head slightly bent so she didn't have to look at him directly.

"Now please explain what the problem was."

"H...her brother was with her." That was all she wanted to give as an explanation.

Getting impatient he replied, "Okay. Shall I fill in the gaps? You again have drawn attention to yourself, three cars this month for a start. You are greedy and have killed again needlessly. You have been warned. NOT YET."

He stood and walked towards her, instinct made her step back.

"You refuse to listen to me and are causing trouble for the rest of us. You did not even retrieve what was required. I can tell you now Dominika that I have been sent here to kill you this evening, you are becoming a liability to our kind."

He was now standing facing her, close enough for her to feel his breath on her cheek.

The shock registered with her. Where the hell was Calin? Was he still alive?

"No...no please don't." She stuttered.

He traced his long bony index finger across her cheek and over her blood-stained lips. Too frightened to move she stared into his eyes.

"How did he taste? Was it sweet and fulfilling? Was he worth it?" He traced his finger down her neck and across her chest.

She knew what was happening. She was powerless. She felt the unwillingness to unzip her blood-spattered jacket as she exposed her breasts. She could see the desire in his eyes and knew then she had no choice but to follow through with what her body was making her do under his seductive presence.

Whether she would survive, she could only hope as she felt him sink his sharp teeth into her right breast to taste the warm sweet blood of her human kill.

 

Areas of interest

Comments

Hey Michelle,
I was never one for gothic/horror stories – so the fact you keep the nature of Dominika and her pals (or foes) vague makes them feel all the more human to me (which I like).
It’s confusing to me, though, that there are two different "he" after the car accident (neither seem to be Calin). He#1 is angry because Dominika caused the accident - as is He#2 (although he asks her about "something she was supposed to get” and scolds here because of a “NOT YET”.
At the end when she is powerless and unwilling and aware that she has no choice but to give in to He#2 – I think I know what you are trying to say/write – but the wording, as it is now, is kind of contradictory.
Maybe something like “Despite her unwillingness she found herself unzipping her jacket….” And add something along the lines of “her feeling betrayed by her body” – at least that the feeling I got.
I hope this helps!
Cheers, Simon

Profile picture for user SimonDeayelle
Simon
Deayelle
1210 points
Ready to publish
Fiction
Contemporary
Young Adult (YA)
Poetry
Short stories
Simon Deayelle
03/03/2022

Hi Simon, thank you for your reply, I appreciate it. As this chapter has been taken out of context the 'he' storyline will be confusing to you but I understand your comments because I have questioned it myself even with the rest of the chapters to read from. I am trying to write it in a way that they are two different people but linked but don't want to give away the linkage too early on (if you know what I mean).
Yes I completely agree with you with that last section but every time I read it I couldn't write my way out of it and just made it sound worse, so it's nice to get another perspective on it.
Thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to read it and also to comment.

Profile picture for user michellehurstauthor
Michelle
Hurst
500 points
Starting out
Fiction
Crime, Mystery, Thriller
Young Adult (YA)
The writing process
The publishing process
Creative Writing and Publishing
Writing and Editing
Developing your idea
Pace and plot
Creating characters
Editing
Dedicated Genre Advice
How publishers work
Literary agents
Author websites
Preparing Your Portfolio
Michelle Hurst

In reply to by SimonDeayelle

03/03/2022

Hello Michelle - it did seem like there was more to it - it's quite the cliff hanger ending :-)
I read it several times - at different days - and I'd always come to the same conclusions (that I didn't really get everything that I was probably supposed to get - but not knowing the big picture I guess that makes sense...)
Given the mysterious nature of the story it makes sense not give too much away.
I hope my remarks do help you find your way round the last section, though.
Maybe you want to add a remark at the very top saying its an excerpt of something and that some things might end up confusing - might help the next person who reads it - unless they proceed to read this brief exchange :D

Profile picture for user SimonDeayelle
Simon
Deayelle
1210 points
Ready to publish
Fiction
Contemporary
Young Adult (YA)
Poetry
Short stories
Simon Deayelle

In reply to by michellehurstauthor

03/03/2022

Yes your comments have helped and I will rework that last section, so thank you. Good idea, I will take a look and see if I can edit the post to add that it is just an excerpt so that others will know there is more to it and in its context will (hopefully) make more sense.

Profile picture for user michellehurstauthor
Michelle
Hurst
500 points
Starting out
Fiction
Crime, Mystery, Thriller
Young Adult (YA)
The writing process
The publishing process
Creative Writing and Publishing
Writing and Editing
Developing your idea
Pace and plot
Creating characters
Editing
Dedicated Genre Advice
How publishers work
Literary agents
Author websites
Preparing Your Portfolio
Michelle Hurst

In reply to by SimonDeayelle

04/03/2022

love what you did there :D

Profile picture for user SimonDeayelle
Simon
Deayelle
1210 points
Ready to publish
Fiction
Contemporary
Young Adult (YA)
Poetry
Short stories
Simon Deayelle

In reply to by michellehurstauthor

04/03/2022

Ps. I guess there's also a reason why the first person narrator (I)/Abbie is not the main actor here - don't tell me - yes or no would do fine....

Profile picture for user SimonDeayelle
Simon
Deayelle
1210 points
Ready to publish
Fiction
Contemporary
Young Adult (YA)
Poetry
Short stories
Simon Deayelle

In reply to by michellehurstauthor

03/03/2022

Abbie is not the main character here in this section as it setting the scene for the antagonist to make an appearance, without giving the full details about him, as it is early on in the book.

Profile picture for user michellehurstauthor
Michelle
Hurst
500 points
Starting out
Fiction
Crime, Mystery, Thriller
Young Adult (YA)
The writing process
The publishing process
Creative Writing and Publishing
Writing and Editing
Developing your idea
Pace and plot
Creating characters
Editing
Dedicated Genre Advice
How publishers work
Literary agents
Author websites
Preparing Your Portfolio
Michelle Hurst

In reply to by SimonDeayelle

04/03/2022