Good day dear Forumists, I would like to invite you to read a shortstory that I penned some time ago. Link below. Your opinion matters. Thanks
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/111592
Good day dear Forumists, I would like to invite you to read a shortstory that I penned some time ago. Link below. Your opinion matters. Thanks
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/111592
I enjoyed it!
thanks Jemma. Will work on your recommendations.
From reading about 5 pages in, I found it to be too 'telling' rather than showing. Is it an autobiographical piece? If not I found it too list based and neglected developing a hook quick enough for a short story. Remember to get in fast and present your character development naturally rather than right at the beginning. Found that you repeated yourself as well. Unfortunately due to these restrictions I found it too heavy going to complete, you've got some serious cutting to do!
I'm sorry that I couldn't give you more positives, but PLEASE send me the edited piece so I can get to grips with your story!
Yours Faithfully,
Jemma