What will happen when darkness desends and move me away from my earthly bed ? To what shall I awake ? Do I need my earthly clothes ? Or just bring myself ? Where do I go ? To the right or the left ? What do I follow , I ask myself ... Where do I sit and where do I lie ? Somehow, I take it that I will stay .
I tread into the unknown and am confronted with myself .I see wonders of a lifetime spread out like a fan ; I see trees , flowers and water in fields of green.I hear nothing but stillness within myself . I dream dreams as I awake ; I hear sounds as I touch on the day and shudder when I think of my life ... How threadbare was that gown of clay .
And now as I enter into life anew, I struggle to fit this gown of light, for I am not used to being this free and still being ...just me .But it is as I see it , here where the sounds be heard , that nothing of living is done on earth . All life begin when you are free of that clook,all earthly chains severed by this fall. The fall is not up or down as we think , but everywhere at the same time .
As the wind takes my hand I move as freely as that which I cannot see but still is part of me . I touch on nothing yet on more than before . I hear sounds which can never be perceived nor thought of in our minds. I see things as you do , too but my vision is alive with the spirit if God .
Dear Karen: I have 2 people to thank. Wilhelmina for pointing this out to me, but especially you for writing it. It's a powerful piece. With a few words, you give us so much to think about*. And that's another virtue of this work: it doesn't treat the readers as consumers, but challenges us to think.
It leaves many questions unanswered, but that's as it should be. Know-it-all writers annoy me.
*This causes me to think that you'd be particularly good at flash fiction... or flash essays (flash ponderings.) A book of short pieces like this would have appeal, I think. Perhaps with simple line drawings or b/w photography facing each page of text. In the meantime, have you considered the following? https://www.writersandartists.co.uk/question/view/2652
We all make typos. (Adrian made at least 2 in his reply.) That's what editing and proofreading is for...
Thank you Karen, I enjoyed reading About Death. As Wihelmina pointed out there are a few typo's, leaving those aside, a beautiful piece of writing, on subject that everyone will need to face at one time. Hopefully your vision on it is one I would happily take!
Adrian
Haunting and poetic. There were several sentences that I had to read twice or more to capture the meaning and/or the feeling. But I don't know whether that's due to the writing or to the background voices in this café. I will read this again when I have more quiet.
You chose a strange genre for this piece. "Action and adventure" hints at heroes battling adversaries or quests or... I don't know. I wasn't really in the mood for that kind of thing, so that I'm lucky that I looked in here. (You're right: It IS an adventure, but many would get the wrong idea from the genre heading.)
There are a few typos that you need to clean up. My corrections are in capital letters:
darkness desCends and moveS me away
All life beginS when you are free of that clook [Do you mean clock or cloak?]
Then there are questions of style. Here I cannot correct, only suggest:
Do I need my earthly clothes ? Or SHOULD I just bring myself? [Alternatively: Or just TO bring myself? ("Do I need to just bring myself?")]
When I read "I tread into the unknown and am confronted with myself", I immediately transposed it to "I tread into myself and am confronted with the unknown". You might consider following the one sentence with the other.
I leave the best until last: I LOVED
The fall is not up or down as we think , but everywhere at the same time .
nothing of living is done on earth [Even though I don't agree with this, it's good writing, and makes us think.]
and
As the wind takes my hand
Thank you!