An Afternoon’s Boating (for Hache)

The following is a story that I submitted to the Baby Shoes anthology (http://thebabyshoesproject.weebly.com/newsletters/not-really-a-newsletter-more-a-live-debate#comments), but which didn’t fit the remit, and therefore was not accepted. Hache L. Jones, the compiler/editor of the anthology actually liked it, but decided that – because it didn’t explain the exact words “For sale: baby shoes, never worn” – she had to put her foot down.

I’d been banging my head against a wall for months, trying to pervert ‘never worn’, then – after I’d subtracted the ‘N.E.’ – just ‘ver worn’. It’s a bit messy, but the deadline was looming. Any better suggestions?

An Afternoon’s Boating (for Hache)

“Gooday! Sydney Police Department, District 4. Sergeant O’Reilly speaking.”

“Gooday, Sergeant! Lieutenant Brown of the Drug Squad here. We need you to send as many plainclothes agents as possible down to the harbour, jumping kangaroo speed. Mix of Bruces and Sheilas. Boating gear and swimmers. Booth’s Boats. We’ve already reserved 4 speedboats and 2 sailboats with CB radios for your lot. Of course, there’ll be lots of others from other districts and the suburbs. We’ve had a tip-off. Load of smack coming in from the labs in Hong Kong on a sailboat. Fore and aft sails, plus jib and spinnaker. Heading for the south shore of Botany Bay, we’re not sure exactly where, so we need speedy chasers, on- and offshore. Send one of the speedboats out onto open sea. Our bastard’s coming in from the northeast. We’ve got a yacht tailing it, but we don’t want to raise suspicions. If they think that they’re sailing into a trap, they’ll dump the whole merchandise into 60 fathoms. So you relieve the tail, a simple one-master. Softly softly, no police-band traffic, and keep up fair dinkum chatter on the CBs so they won’t suspect. Once the 2-master reaches the mouth of the bay, the tail (that’s your lot) uses the code words ‘fair warm’ on the CB. ‘It’s a fair warm day.’ Something like that. It had to be something unusual, distinctive… but not TOO unusual. Nothing to arouse suspicion. And we don’t rush them until they’re securely docked. Got all that, Sport?”

Sgt. O’Reilly looked down at the notes that he’d scribbled:

‘4 sails, B. Bay shore, S., N.E. “fair warm” ’

“She’ll be apples, Lieutenant.”