Once upon a time in the land Down Under there lived a cute little crocodile called Ali Gator. She was a sweet little thing who loved to sing, dance and play the guitar. Well, not exactly play the guitar, because her arms were actually too short, so instead she would eat the guitar, making beautiful sounds as she crunched and munched on it. Ali thought this was fun for a while, but after a steady diet of frets and guitar strings, she soon wished she could have something a little less dry to eat. She tried everything to help wash them down: Aussie water, Aussie beer, Aussie wine, but it never really changed the taste of the guitar, and she soon longed for something else.
One day, Ali was lying in the mud by the side of a billabong, when out of the corner of her eye she spied a Kikiburra bird. The Kikiburra was a rare and beautiful bird that was unique because it was the only bird in the world that could dance: tango, disco, corroboree, all kinds of dance, unlike any of the other birds. The Kikiburra was also rare in that it had a very unusual call that sounded just like a teenage girl giggling. Not a high pitched giggle, like its cousin, the Kookaburra, but a full blown belly giggle, like someone who was laughing so hard they would pee in their panties. Fortunately, the Kikiburra didn't wear panties, so there was never any risk of an accident, although every now and then there would be a puddle on the floor that was difficult to explain. For this reason, the Kikiburra also liked to hang out by the billabong so that no-one would notice the little puddles forming all over the place.
Once Ali Gator had seen the Kikiburra bird, she couldn't take her eyes off it. That must be tastier than a guitar, she said to herself. Time to move in and find out. Now Crocs are rather lazy reptiles, and they never do anything in a hurry if they don't have to. Little reptiles like the Gecko zoom around all over the place, like a chicken with its head cut off, but not Ali. She took her time doing everything, even if the reward for moving quicker would be a tasty little morsel like a Kikiburra. Instead, Ali thought she could make up for her slowness with her clever way with words. Instead of chasing the Kikiburra and getting all out of breath she would try to talk her into her tummy. She slowly moved towards the unsuspecting little bird.
As soon as Kiki saw Ali Gator walking in her direction she let out a rather nervous laugh. And pee'd all over the floor. Ali pretended not to notice. "Hello", she said. "That was a nice little song you sang. I'd love to hear you sing it again". And slowly, she moved a little closer to the increasingly nervous bird, opening her big mouth a little wider with each step.
"Oh, I wasn't singing, well, I was singing, but most people think I was laughing which I wasn't because there is nothing funny about you and I didn't mean to upset you even if it did seem that way." Whenever she was nervous, the Kikiburra would speak very quickly, hardly even stopping to breathe between the words. And as the Croc came closer, Kiki became more and more nervous. "Isn't it a lovely day today are you going somewhere and do you really have to come quite so close to me and PLEASE STOP YOU ARE MAKING ME VERY NERVOUS", she cried. Then, Kikiburra laughed really loud and did two more puddles on the floor.
"Nervous?", exclaimed Ali, calmly. "Why on earth would you be nervous around me? I'm just looking for a...a friend. That's it, a friend, not a meal. After all, I've already eaten two guitars today" the Croc lied. " I just think you look very pretty and want to get to know you better". Ali opened her mouth even wider.
"STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE!" screamed the little bird. "You wouldn't want to eat me, I taste horrible. It would be the biggest mistake of your life". Then, the giggles started up again and the Kikiburra's belly started to shake, uncontrollably. This time, instead of making a little puddle, or even a big puddle, the Kikiburra made the loudest noise the Croc had ever heard in her life. It was a sort of noise the Croc had heard many times before, normally from a Dugong or a Buffalo, but that noise was usually accompanied by a really yucky smell. At least this time there was no smell...until suddenly, the Croc's eyes started to water from the horrible stink coming from the Kikiburra bird.
"DID YOU JUST FART?" cried Ali Gator, who by now was crying anything but crocodile tears. "Yes", replied the little bird, defiantly, "and if you try to eat me, I'll do it again. I told you, eating me will be the biggest mistake of your life". The Croc didn't know what to do. She thought for a moment, and then begged the little bird not to do it again. "Please, little bird, I promise not to eat you. Can't we just be friends?"
"FRIENDS!", shouted the little bird, defiantly. "You were going to eat me".
"Well, I did think about it, that's true, but now that I know more about you, I'd rather be your friend than eat you. Honest".
Kiki thought about the Croc's offer. It was true, she didn't have many friends. Kikiburra's are so rare that she hardly ever saw any of her own kind. And all the other animals thought her laugh was so annoying that they all ran away from her. Perhaps having a Croc for a friend wouldn't be so bad, and it might come in useful when other animals tried to eat her. Dingos were very dangerous in that respect, because they didn't care about the smell when the Kikiburra got scared, so perhaps having a crocodile for a friend would prove to be useful.
"How do I know you're telling the truth?", Kiki asked. "You might just be saying this to trick me". The Croc looked hurt, and looked at the little bird with big, sad eyes. "I'm sorry", she said. "If you'll be my friend, I promise never to lie to you or trick you ever again. Cross my heart and hope to die, if you won't I'll start to cry".
Well, that sealed the deal for the bird, because if there was one thing that Kikiburra's couldn't stand it was when other animals cried. Kikiburras were only interested in laughing, even if they did leave a lot of puddles all over the place when they did it. "I'll be your friend", she said, proudly, "but only if you promise me one other thing."
"Just name it" said the Croc, relieved to have made a friend for the first time in her life. "What can I do for you?"
"Well", said the little bird, "you're not the only animal who's tried to eat me. I have a lot of trouble with dingos. They are really annoying, and they are not even scared when I fart. If I'm going to be your friend, I want you to save me from all the dingos. You can even eat them, if you want".
Well this sounded like a good deal to Ali Gator, but she still thought that maybe she should ask the bird to show a sign of friendship in return. "I'll help you, little bird, but what are you going to do for me? After all, that's what friends do, isn't it? Help each other."
The Kikiburra thought for a moment. And while she was thinking, she noticed that the Croc had a lot of bugs and insects flying around her head, often flapping in the Croc's eyes. "Do those bugs bug you", asked Kiki?
"Do you mean the bugs above my head?", replied the croc. "You bet they bother me. The only thing I can do to get rid of them is to go under water, and even then they just wait for me to come back up again. It really gets on my nerves."
"Well, I'll tell you what", said the little bird. "I'll make you a deal: if you promise not to eat me, and to save me from the dingos, I promise to get rid of all those bugs on your head."
"How will you do that", said the croc, doubtfully. "I've been trying for years, but they never go away."
"I'll stand on your back while you swim around, and I'll flap my wings and peck them with my beak. I'm pretty sure that after a while they will leave you alone."
The crocodile smiled at this suggestion. It seemed like the two animals had each found a new friend. And this is why, to this very day, if you ever go down to the billabong, you can see a cute little crocodile swimming around with a very rare Kikiburra bird sitting on her back, pecking and flapping at the bugs and the insects. From that day on, Ali and Kiki became almost inseparable friends.
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