'On The Banks Of River'
We sat together
to share hours laughter
& in tears were
few unpleasent memories
it's moved forward
by looking ahead
having a new optimistic vision,
we painted on sand
regarding themes of past too
filled with happiness ,sorrow,
& joyous creations & colors
during it she sometimes
seems like a genuine friend
too genius & enough clever,
in a moment looks like
a teacher & a guide
but as a real human
always being felt
like a protective shadow
standing behind me
on the banks of river,
When sounds of waterfall
that flowing over the edge of steep
in grooves & cliffs of mountain
to fall in river below
it asumed
like want to make realized its presence
& awakening voice to show,
truely these were lively moments
as were teaching about life
& for real endearing behavior
which encrusted by
natural protective shell
to face enduring hard circumstances
on the banks of river.
Neelam G
exactly,adding some new,read also it .
Your suggestions are always expected,thanks for appreciating lines you liked most.I am trying to do more efficiently in next presentations.Hope you will like to read my whole collection whatever i shares among this network of brilliant authors.
I really like this. Thank you for sharing. I love the feel of your writing and hope not to put you off by making these comments. I hope you don't mind me pointing out a couple of typos as when we are writing we don't always see in in our own work.
few unleasent memories do you mean unpleasant memories?
its moved forward - could be it is moved forward / it's moved forward
having new optimistic vision - having a new optimistic vision / having new optimistic visions
regarding theme of past - themes of past /
on the banks of river, - on the banks of river.
happy ,sorrow - happiness, sorrow
too genious & enough clever, - not sure what you mean as genius already means extremely clever or do you mean generous?
When sounds of waterfall
that flowing over the edge of steep
in grooves & cliffs of mountain
Maybe - When sounds of the waterfall
flow over the edge
of the steep grooves of cliffs and mountains
I do not want to change your words as it would change the feel of it and I like it.
I really like this part:
in a moment looks like
a teacher & guide
but as a real human
always being felt
like a protective shadow
standing behind me
on the banks of river,
Well done and I hope I have not put you off. It is not my intention. I look forward to reading more of your work. Sometimes I look at the Thesaurus and try new words out to see how they sound together to make the sound of the words like our emotion.