Hadleigh Castle at lunchtime; the kids dashed and giggled
Clouds puffed seawards
We huddled from the wind against the stone
You’d dashed up the hillocks, you said, in former times
Trained for sporting combat, a warrior.
Later at home we’d transfer small sleeping forms to their beds
Our own sheets rumpled.
We’d nestle and stroke, random pleasure
In the morning tiny cats chewed our toes and girls jumped
Spent, we’d watch the tree sleepily.
We chopped onions, made cakes with love, put up tents.
Afternoons passed with the radio.
An axe was bought, some wood, a pigeon’s slain, a fire laid.
Carefully we shared with you our hearth.
Two girls, one woman; a trio of trusting hearts
And four of us, a bigger child fitted in
Finding room in spaces we didn’t know there’d been.
Your forays were but blips; until like a mariner,
Each voyage rendered you more jaded
And feebler each time was the blaze in our lighthouse.
Then came the great beast to eat Ahab and his wife
Pain spouting
Nights wandering or waiting; immaterial who or which
Failed to stop it; to my shame, I could not.
Animals do not hurt each other so much.
You and I raced. That bright day we crossed the finishing line.
So no more can you be my family’s conduit to the sky.
The lodestone’s flawed, the compass damaged
And we seem unguided; fragmented sandcastles
To build again once the tide has turned.
November 5th at sunset; the girls moan and squabble.
I hide all tears.
We huddle from the wind in Clapton Station.
It’s been colder, I say - in former times; look at the sky!
We’re women trained for living combat; we’re warriors.
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