Coming out

There was a knock at my bedroom door, my mum came in shutting the door behind her and sitting down next to me on my bed, I was sixteen at the time and had no idea what to expect from the serious expression on her face.

“I just wanted to come in and have chat with you about something”

“um okay” I answered thinking I must have had a bad letter home from the school, I hadn’t had the best day what with people constantly being on my back calling me different.

“Do you think there is any possibility you might be gay?” she said looking me right in the eye.

I had never really sat and thought about it before, I had know for a few years that I wasn’t interested in girls, the only real experience I had had was when a boy kissed me when he had come round to the house while I was fourteen, him being the same age, but initially I had thought nothing of it. When she asked the question the kiss with the boy had felt normal compared to any kiss I had had with a girl.

“I think I might be yeah” I finally respond.

“You know this changes nothing about you I will always love you for who you are” She tells me making me feel relieved that now it had I had realised who I was my mum was completely supportive of it.

“To tell you the truth I have had ideas for a little while, I just didn’t know how to say anything”

“I’m really glad you did” I say to her, “It’s made this a lot easier for me, thank you”

“Do you want me to say anything to Joe (my stepdad)? Or would you prefer to say something yourself?”

“Could you say something for me?” I ask her the whole realisation is a sudden shock to me and at the time I didn’t feel ready to say the words to anyone else myself.

The next day my step dad offered to pick me up from school which seemed strange to me as he had never done it before, as the car pulled up to the house he turned the engine off and said “Your mum had a word with me last night, you understand we love you with all our hearts and that isn’t going to change because of who you are in relationships with.”

After dealing with a large amount of bullying at school and people not accepting me for who I was I found it very hard that my parents were so at home with who I was and how they were so supportive of me and who I was.

“You don’t need to say anything to anyone else before you are ready to, and only do it if you are ready. Just know that your mum and myself will always be there for you” He told me, I had never felt such a strong feeling of respect for someone before.

Before this I had been bullied at school but because I was unclear as to why I was being treated differently by people for having all female friends and being more feminine than a large number of the boys at school I didn’t see myself as different so didn’t say anything to anyone. However once my parents knew I was gay it made things far more clear to me and made it very easy for me to start coming out to my friends, I went through college with a boyfriend, which initially was kept secret as the rest of my family didn’t know that I was gay.

Three years passed and I was in my second year on university, all my friends there also knew that I am gay and were all fine with me. It was just before I turned twenty that I knew I needed to say something to the rest of my family, I didn’t want to have to hide having a boyfriend from them any longer.

But my brother was one step ahead of me whilst having a discussion with my mum about how good his “gaydar” was she had seen the opportunity to see if he really was as clever as he thought.

“Oh is it really that good? So you could tell if anyone was?”

“Mum I know Jacks gay! But that doesn’t change anything he’s my brother and I will always love him and if anyone says anything against him I won’t stand for it”

My mum informed me of what had been said in my absence, I was hesitant about telling my brother because at the time he had just turned seventeen and at that age I was still getting some stick from people at college, but his attitude filled me with confidence.

I turned up at my Nan and Granddad’s house “there’s something I need to talk to you both about” I told them.

“Oh god you’re dropping out of Uni aren’t you!” My Nan shouted.

“No I’m not I told her very sharply, I have a boyfriend”

Tears well up in my Nan’s eyes “I’m so happy for you, but I didn’t think that was what you were coming to tell us.”

“So did you not have any idea?” I asked them.

“Oh well I did get an inkling when you got your ears pierced last year” She told me.

“There was nothing else?” I knew that I was far more comfortable in myself as I would never have started this conversation with my mum back when I was sixteen, “Are you ok Granddad?” I had suddenly noticed he had been quiet through the whole conversation.

“Yes it is who you are and I’m fine with that”, I was in shock as I knew he had been brought up in a generation where homosexuality was considered to be wrong, but with them both being happy with who I was made me feel massive relief. In a way I wish I had told them earlier but I knew that I wasn’t ready before this moment to know.

My family all live very close together and see each other on regular occasions so once my grandparent knew I wanted to tell my aunt and uncle.

“Well I’ve come to tell you something.” I started “I’m..”

“You’re gay” My aunt said to me with a smile on her face. “We wondered how long it would take you to say something.”

“We’ve known since you were six and wanted to wear Amy’s fairy outfit rather than your batman one.”

There casualness about the whole situation has me stunned I had no idea they would be so quick to suss me and be so fine with everything. It was as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I could finally be who I was around my family.

I know that I have been exceptionally lucky having my entire family support me through coming out and that others aren’t treated the same way, which makes me very proud of them all and how much support they have shown me through everything. The fact that my family have been so supportive of who I am has helped me become the person I am today, although I did experience a lot of bullying at school, knowing they were there for me got me through it all.