Daddy is a Whale

by Lauren Beasley
31st May 2017

"Daddy is going to be away all this week”

“Daddy is going to be a whale this week?”

“Yes, Daddy is going to be away all this week” 

 

Daddy’s going to be a whale this week

Daddy is going to be a whale

With a whale’s fins and eyes and mouth

And a great big whale’s tail

 

I wonder how he'll grow that large

How much he’ll need to eat?

And do you think it will be strange at first

To have no legs or feet? 

 

I’ll watch him plunge into the water

I can't even guess how deep

And then when it gets to nighttime 

I'll imagine him asleep

 

I’m sure there is a lot of food

In all the deep blue sea

But it must be hard to boil a kettle for

His usual cup of tea

 

I hope that he will find new friends 

He’ll meet sharks and rays and eels

He might even find a shipwreck to play

Hide and seek with seals

 

Daddy's going to be a whale this week

Daddy's going to be a whale

And he's promised that the week after next

I can be a snail

 

 

Comments

Thanks for your comments, Steve. They are really helpful.

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Lauren
Beasley
270 points
Developing your craft
Fiction
Gothic and Horror
Middle Grade (Children's)
Lauren Beasley
14/06/2017

This is a great idea and nicely done! It has lovely rhythm and a really nice rhyming style.

Have a look at where you do and don't use contractions. For example the last verse should mirror the second, with 'Daddy's' then 'Daddy is'. The rest just play with them so they fit the meter of the piece.

It does feel a bit difficult to get my mouth around at times but I think this is an accent thing (for example, as a northeasterner I say 'aal' rather than 'awl' so the pun didn't work until I thought about it!). Read it out loud, and maybe get shine friends to do it as well, and make up your own mind... Probably just me...

Cheers, Steve

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Steven
Strafford
330 points
Developing your craft
Short stories
Fiction
Media and Journalism
Business, Management and Education
Speculative Fiction
Adventure
Gothic and Horror
Steven Strafford
02/06/2017