Wrapped in your arms I dance the night away
The music plays and lifts us to the stars,
Wrapped in your arms I dance the night away
Led by the rhythm of the soft guitars.
I feel your tenderness in every touch
The music plays and lifts us to the stars.
My darling, as I need your love so much
To lead me through the crazy dance of days,
I feel your tenderness in every touch
You guide me gently as the music plays.
I know, deep in my heart, you’re always near
To lead me through the crazy dance of days,
Of course, my love, your body is not here;
I can’t believe it’s two years since you died.
I know deep in my heart you’re always near.
I twirl through empty rooms, the lonely bride,
Wrapped in your arms I dance the night away.
I can’t believe it’s two years since you died,
Wrapped in your arms I dance the night away.
Hi Kell,
I love the form you've chosen for your poem - purely out of curiosity, did you decide which lines to repeat and when, or did you follow a certain poetic form? I know that a villanelle poem has repeating lines but if I remember correctly, in a villanelle the line that opens the first stanza closes the second etc. so that's not the case here. Anyway, as I say, I was just curious! Your form works so well because the repetition gives a strong sense of familiarity and memory - which is basically what your poem is all about. Though I can see where John is coming from, I think that changing the narrator of your poem would detract from this sense of familiarity. After all, it's the narrator you've got at the moment who is remembering - a passer-by would simply be speculating.
Something I would perhaps suggest is altering the line 'I know deep in my heart you're always near' - it's certainly heartfelt, but perhaps bordering on clichéd. Having said that, I don't think it matters too much - the lovely imagery from the phrase 'I twirl through empty rooms' probably makes up for it!
Well done! :-)