Different Memories

by Mobeen Akhter
28th August 2016

Different Memories

 

Red roses

Different shades of scarlet

Darker and richer of taste and colour 

Pour in the glass

Drink by the hour

Burned lungs

Bring out the fire

Taste of bitterness

sweeter than sour 

Savour the moment

By the minute the moments reaches further

Beyond the feeling of greatness

Surrounded by thick nature

Greater goods

Doesn’t come much cheaper

Empty pockets

Money doesn’t need ya

Just stand and watch

As the world becomes deeper

Open grounds

Spaced routes

Crowded places

Empty boots

Leading to wherever

You want to

Take me where the rivers meet

Below the moonlight

Where stars shine brighter

Not even the darkness can confine

Where nothing can bind me

Open air

Let me escape

Open these skies

Pour down the rain

I’ve never felt more awake

I’ve never felt more alive

Feel the wind blowing whispers in my ear

Stories to be told

To tell is to share

Memories to be forgotten

Life is to live

And death is the beginning

To a new soul

A hearts rebirth

A new symphony

Let the place rhythm take control

To let go of the pain and the hurt

Let me breathe

For I shall live

Let me see

What’s on this very earth?

What’s so special?

Take it apart

Piece by piece

A glowing ember

Lighting up the space

A space of thundering lights blooming endlessly

Explore the skies

Beneath the ground

You would be surprised

What’s brought and found

Highlights in pictures

Playing sound in ears

Closed my eyes

And soon I disappear

Back in the bright colours

The sun shining bright

someone get me out of here 

Take me in the darkness

Where I see the city lights

Take me to the tallest building

Where I can find my home

Take me above the clouds

So I see the distant I’ve known

To become

Where the lights should have shown

Northern lights

Hovering above me

I see it dancing

Through the glass of wine

Like an ocean

Ocean untangling from vines

Trying to break free

But swaying so softly

Capture the frame

Paint its beauty

On the canvas

Engraved in my memories

Memories to be forgotten

Take another picture

But the camera seems broken

Broken handle and Damaged lens

Strong vision clears my head

Take me away were I feel to breathe again

Somewhere I’ve never been before

But want to go back again

A place away from the sorrows

A place I can call my own

A place that is neither taken nor borrowed

A place that we can both share

A place is a place that all seems fair

Memories to be made but not to lose

If it’s the place that we have a care

See the view

Breathtaking view

Take a breathe

You thought that this was nothing

See how it seems beautiful

Natural beauty

Nothing to conceal

No make up to show

Simpleness to reveal

Take in what you see

Things change

But not those memories

Memories not to fade

If we can make some more

Take me away somewhere deeper

Somewhere dense

Where the forests can hide the distant

Brings me in closer

Closer in to the unknown

Like how a tide can pull you in

Push you out further

The ocean stretches beyond the limit

Until it drags you in deeper

Out of shallow ends

The clear blue sea

Like your eyes

So transparent

Is all that I can see

Clear than the sun

Brighter than the stars

The view seems so perfect

Like it’s a mirage

I’ve been here before

But it’s not been like this before

Its beauty has grown on me

But I want to see

I want to go further

Move on

To different places

Towards the unknown

Take me with you

I go wherever you go

Like oceans

Across the seven seas

Never ending adventure

That never ends when you’re with me

We can if we want

Keep making memories

Not all same but different memories.

Comments

Thanks for the comments Penny and Wilhelmina, very much appreciate your advice certainly taken on board!

Profile picture for user mobeen.a_45159
Mobeen
Akhter
100 points
Developing your craft
Poetry
Short stories
Fiction
Comic
Crime, Mystery, Thriller
Speculative Fiction
Adventure
Gothic and Horror
Romance
Mobeen Akhter
06/09/2016

This reminded me, too, of some drawn-out "rock opera" song from the late 70s or 80s. There doesn't seem (to me) to be a cohesive theme. It's like

ab

bc

cd

de

ef

fg,

where g has nothing to do with a.

A sort of "stream of consciousness" style.

Interesting, but not really my cup of tea.

MUCH better than Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody", though. THAT jumped all over the shop!

Profile picture for user wilhelmi_40676
Wilhelmina
Lyre
330 points
Developing your craft
Wilhelmina Lyre
30/08/2016

I find this interesting, but not compelling. There is some striking imagery - and some less striking. There are hints at themes but nothing that I can take hold of; and maybe you intend that. There are places where there seem to be grammatical errors; again, I'm not sure whether these are intentional, to force the reader to think about what, precisely, you are saying.

My impression is that this is like a hybrid of a (very good) pop song, and psychedelia from the 1960s.

My suggestion would be that very careful editing to ensure that words and structure complement each other and that both convey the meaning that you want them to, could turn this into rather a good poem.

In my personal opinion, poetry is an exercise in precision; the sniper's rifle rather than the grenade!

All the best

Penny

Profile picture for user pennygad_46489
Penny
Gadd
270 points
Ready to publish
Poetry
Short stories
Fiction
Crime, Mystery, Thriller
Adventure
Comic
Business, Management and Education
Speculative Fiction
Historical
Philosophy and Religion
Penny Gadd
30/08/2016