Dream Letter

Cecile answered the phone. It was Aunt Lucinda. She hadn’t heard that comforting voice in years. Certainly not since Lyle weaved his way into her life. That voice instantly transported her to happier times, when she felt more herself and whole; times when her parents were together. The holidays had been the best, teaming up with family and friends for trips to the seaside. Helping her mother prepare the food was always fun. She recollected laughter, her father’s favourite ska tunes blowing from the living-room, his voice rasping along while his two girls worked.

Her aunt’s chirpy voice brought her up to resounding speed on family developments: babies, careers, illnesses. She had missed so much. The past swirled in rattling time, vividly catching up with the present with every word.

“So, how you doing Cecile? If you had married I hope I would have heard before now.”

Cecile laughed nervously. “I would have let you know, really,” feeling relieved her aunt did not scold. She had enough scolding to contend with.

“Hmmm, why you kept so scarce girl? A good thing Faith bumped into you.”

Cecile made a pathetic excuse about being busy.

“Aye?! Trains still run from London to Bristol you know.” A prickly pause dented momentarily.

“Anyhow, I have something your mother left you here, but you need to come get it.”

“Not something you can post?”

“Post?! Eh, you don’t get off that easy my girl! Family will always be here for you, Cecile, remember that.”

As soon as she hung up, Lyle summoned her from the kitchen. A stabbing chill crept up her spine. She rubbed her arm as if to dampen her anxiety. He wanted to know who had called. She explained it was her aunt from Bristol, reminding him she had mentioned her when they first met. Ignoring this, he probed why her aunt was calling now. Besides, how had she got their number? Cecile’s feeble excuse was that she had forgotten to tell him about bumping into Faith the week before. She watched his features harden. This was exactly why she had not told him. It had felt so right to do, so normal, like grasping for a life line.

He shook his disbelieving head, his piercing eyes scolding, reminding her of their agreement. She should let him know everyone she gave their number to so he would know exactly who was calling, including family. She scribbled her aunt’s number which she had somehow already memorised. He snatched it.

“So what did this Aunt Lucinda want?” His voice accused her of courting intrusion without permission. He waved the paper in the air.

“Just to see me. It’s been such a long time. I’ve treated them so badly.” She hesitated, “She has something for me.”

“Oh? So what is it?” He hunched pleading shoulders.

“She wouldn’t say. I need to go get it.”

He wagged his finger. She would not be going anywhere without him. He blurted out about her wanting to meet up with some long lost lover.

Her heart sank, but defiantly risked, “I was nineteen when I first came to London. I didn’t leave anyone behind.” That was five years ago.

He grabbed her throat before she could utter another word. She gasped as he loosened his grip, gently stroking her skin. He could feel her trembling, hear her panting. He pressed his forehead to hers.

“You think I don’t know you?” He bit her lip. She tasted the saltiness; the abrasive warmth of his paralysing breath, shackling her freedom of movement. She had run away from the tensions of St Pauls for a new start, only to fall prey to his captivating charms and her own need for undivided attention. Hard to tell in hindsight where the pleasure ended and the pain began, whether there was a difference between the two anymore.

***

Aunt Lucinda called several times over the next few weeks. Lyle answered a couple of times. Following the last call, he quizzed Cecile about events after her mother’s funeral. She had felt uneasy raking through her deeply personal memories, which aided to blur her recollection.

“So, did your mother leave a Will?”

“Umm … no, we didn’t find one.”

Later, he surprised her by agreeing to the visit on his weekend off. She could barely contain her delight. It was like having the buckles loosened on a straightjacket. Of course the outlay for the journey would come out of her wages, which he kept a tight reign on. She could care less about that, determined not to do anything “bad” to change his mind.

She grew more talkative once they were half way to Bristol. Lyle remarked she sounded like a canary. He drove into a service station, musing maybe they should turn around and forget the whole thing. She quietened down. He jammed a cassette in the player and lit a cigarette, deliberately blowing the smoke into her face. She tutted and coughed, opening the window without further protest.

They finally arrived. Lucinda lifted her long lost niece with a bear hug before Cecile nervously introduced Lyle. Aunt Lucinda gave him a brisk once over with a wry half smile before passing him over to her son to make him a drink.

Cousin Faith gave her an equally gratifying embrace. Vince had grown a moustache, which made him look much older than his twenty-three years, and Jemma had a new baby girl to add to her two boys. The cook up was like old times, only her parents were missing.

Cecile was enjoying herself so much, she completely forgot about the reason for the visit. Her aunt beckoned her.

“Come Cecile.” The young woman glanced back, checking how occupied Lyle was before her aunt grabbed her hand, pulling her up the stairs, slamming the door firmly behind them.

She put her hands behind her back, giving out a great sigh, sombrely shaking her head.

“Cecile, remember I been knowing you since you were a baby girl. We’re family. You can’t hide anything from me. You and Faith used to be as thick as thieves when you were teenagers. What’s going on with you child? Hmmm?”

That’s when it happened. The floodgates opened, Cecile just broke down crying. Her aunt put her arms around her niece, drawing her close, rubbing her coarse kinky hair.

“Hush.” She patted her back, rocking her niece. The silence was charged, complicated.

Lucinda finally broke the stillness. “You can tell me all about it when you’re ready but I do have something for you. I kept it with your mother’s things. I meant to give it to you before you left but completely forgot.” She briefly reminded Cecile about the trouble on the buses which had made a difficult time worse.

Cecile’s mother had died suddenly. Lucinda recounted how her sister used to say she didn’t think she would suffer a long illness and that certainly came true. She would have such uncanny dreams.

“Remember when she dreamt that pirates robbed the High Street bank, then to everyone’s astonishment it was held up the next week when we were out shopping! Hmm hmm … And she dreamt your father won the pools, remember that?” Cecile vaguely recollected.

“Pity she didn’t dream the part about him running off with that woman with his winnings. Sorry … Me and my big mouth.”

Lucinda continued, “She told me you used to have these recurring nightmares. My goodness, you were around eight. I put it down to something you ate or some such. But she, your mother, was so troubled, she wrote it down in a letter for you. When Faith bumped into you, for some reason it immediately came to mind. I couldn’t understand why. When I called, you just didn’t sound Okay. It was bugging me so much.”

Cecile dried her eyes again, her parents’ images flitted around in her head. She opened the envelope, recognising her mother’s handwriting. As she read, she felt the blood drain from her cheeks. She dropped the letter on the bed. Lucinda picked it up, fanned it.

“You can’t take this letter with you when you leave. That’s if you feel you want to leave. You can stay here. In fact, I’d probably sleep better if you did.” She kept fanning.

The tears just kept flowing down the young woman’s cheeks, as flashes of a large boa constricting her entire body from a childhood nightmare resurfaced.

“How can this be? I don’t understand. How, how?” she wailed.

“Cecile, there are more things in heaven and earth than man knows about. I don’t know why you ran away like that, but you’ve read it yourself. Your life depends on it … Lord have mercy.” She rolled her eyes.

“Your father was a womaniser but he loves you. I have something he left you too.” She fumbled around.

Shouts from downstairs permeated the room as more family arrived.

“Yeh, we coming …” Lucinda breached the door to yell back.

“Here.” She handed her niece a silver watch. “This was your mother’s, she gave it to me but I am giving to you. You can tell that man, this is what your mother left you. What I was holding for you, for sentimental value.”

They rejoined the gathering throng.

It was early evening when much to everyone’s disappointment, Lyle abruptly cut the reunion short, announcing they had a long drive back and commitments the next day. Cecile, noticeably edgy, reluctantly agreed. A tangible unsettling atmosphere lingered following their departure.

Lyle would not subject himself to that again in a hurry. However, regaining control, he grabbed her wrist before tossing the limb aside, quipping that the watch had hardly been worth the drive. He reinforced that he was the mainstay of her existence, no one else. He pinched her chin to make the point, rousing her from a deep withdrawal. He knew she had been crying, putting it down to the occasion overwhelming her.

Boozy from the brandy she had drunk to numb confused fears, she ably fobbed off his annoying questions. His response was to turn the radio up loud to her obvious discomfort.

It took Cecile six nerve racking weeks to complete her arrangements. She waited until his next night shift, packing as much of her belongings as she could cram in the cab she called from a phone box.

It was raining heavily. Sat in the back seat of the cab, it dawned on her that they had shared a roof, food and a bed without companionship, without love: a vacant, lonely relationship. She left without a forwarding address.

Lyle was incensed. He ripped and smashed the belongings she left behind. He hadn’t seen it coming. He had meant to make her pregnant so she would stay with him. He thought he knew her, had kept her on a tight leash. How could he have been so blind? He had an idea where she had found the courage to leave which he backtracked to Bristol. He determined to find her.

She descended from a clear blue sky, crossing the turquoise waters bounded by distant mountains. Her first ever fearless flight, Cecile touched down at Kingston, the harbour’s warm sea breeze wafting inland, caressing. Lucinda had given her the money her father had left her from his winnings. It came in useful. At length she spotted his unmistakable broad grin in the crowd, below that old hat he was so fond of.

“Welcome home daughter. Your mother dream me, said I should look out for you.” He laughed, squeezing her affectionately.

“Daddy!!!” She draped herself around his neck. “I missed you so much.”

“Hmm … Never mind,” he soothed. “You back with family now.”

Lucinda hung up the phone. She felt a chill run down her spine, whispering a silent prayer as she folded her sister’s letter recording her daughter’s nightmare scenario, detailing how a man named Lyle would strangle her. She hoped she had done enough to avert the nightmare.