Dreams and Dangerous Desires

by Natalie Ellis
25th January 2015

This is just the first section of my work....

Chapter 1

"Have a nice weekend".

"Bye Miss Fairlow."

The children of year four burst out of the school door, it was a sign that another weekend had fallen.

As the sound of their screaming, cheering and laughter faded Georgie looked around the empty classroom and pondered as to what she would do that weekend.

One thing for certain, she knew she would not be going to her local nightclub, after spending her summers working as a holiday rep on the island of Majorca, she had experienced enough of the clubbing lifestyle to last her a lifetime.

Over the past year or two, whether it was due to her maturing or just the lack of entertainment where she lived, Georgie's attitude had changed. She felt she had outgrown the nightclub scene and now enjoyed cosy nights in, holidays and having a good catch up with friends over a meal or cocktails.

Collapsing back into her chair she dazed in to a scenario of being back in Majorca and getting ready to go out on one of the famous pub crawls.

Memories of her encounters with one of her collegues which led to them spending a summer making use of the role 'friends with benefits' flooded into her mind, she pictured back to the way he would pull her curvacious body into his and run his hand through her chocolate brown curls before finally kissing her passionately. The memories felt so real she could almost taste the apple and cherry shot kisses they used to share. Her heart began to beat faster and her temperature started to rise as the blood swarmed to her face making her blush a little.

"You ready Georgie".

"Yep. I'm coming."

She replied startled, and very aware of the fact that her cheeks were extremely rosy making the colour even bolder.

She quickly collected all the exercise books off her desk and escaped the classroom, desperate for the cold winter air to soothe her cheeks.

" A weekend spent marking maths books, I don't think my life could get more exciting"

Georgie said sarcastically.

"It could be worse you could be marking science books."

Laughed Shelly.

" Let's swap places I'll be the assistant and you can be the teacher! Deal? "

Asked Georgie in a wishfull tone.

She knew from the look Shelly gave her that there was no deal.

The tiny school, surrounded by mountains and country lanes could fit no more than 200 pupils. It wasn't far from Gerogie's small and cosy cottage and she would normally walk, but during the winter months when the weather was awful and a dry day was rare she would gladly accept a lift home from Shelly.

The two piled into her car ,loaded with books and bags and conversation turned it's attention to their collegues.

" Ooo gossip gossip, I went in to the office today and Simon and Lauren were acting very suspicious. Lauren was bright red and looked rather flustered. As soon as I came in Simon mumbled a thanks to her and a very sheepish hello to me then left the room very quickly."

Shelly said raising her eyebrows and giving a cheeky smile.

"What are you like you! They need to be careful or they are going to get caught! I do really like Simon but I can't help but feel sorry for Teresa. I know she's a complete and utter bitch but it's horrible to get cheated on, It's the embarrasment that's the worst. I don't know why he just doesn't get a divorce if he doesn't want to be with her anymore."

Replied Georgie whilst rooting for her house keys in one of her many bags

.

" No nice girls like you don't deserve to get cheated on and that boy must have a screw loose to do that to you, good riddance!

" Yeah, he knows he made a mistake."

There's no way I can tell Shelly I might be meeting Leigh tonight after that she thought.

" But Teresea! You shouldn't feel sorry for her, she's a cow! I'm glad he's with someone else even if it is someone as slutty as Lauren, Teresa's never home, always too busy working and even when she is home I bet she's no fun. I've never seen them laugh together."

Georgie took a glance at Shelly.

" No not like the way you two laugh together."

A shy smile came across her face but she was quick to get rid of it and continue voiceing her opinion.

" Uch, she's just so vile! I bet she's such a plain Jane in the bedroom aswel they'll be no smudging of her emmaculate lipstick."

" I'm sure you'd happilly smudge your lipstick for him."

Laughed Georgie giving Shelly a knowing wink.

" I don't know what you mean!"

Laughed Shelly blushing about the thought of getting intimate with Simon.

They pulled up to Georgie's cottage

" I really need to sort out these bags I can't find anything in them. Ah ha there they are."

Georgie announced pulling out her house keys with a big smile on her face.

"I don't know how you can be so dissorganised and be a primary school teacher."

Shelly said with a stern voice and shaking her head dissaprovingly.

" What can I say it's a skill that takes a lot of practice, thanks, see you on Monday have a nice weekend and don't you be thinking about our headmaster too much!"

"Behave yourself! Goodbye Miss Fairlow".

" Au revoir!"

Georgie shouted as she opened the door to her house and Shelly sped off down the road.

As soon as she walked in the smell of baking hit her nose and her bags and books were instantly dropped to source out what and where the goodies were.

As she ran into the kitchen she could see a plate piled with cookies.

There were chocolate chip cookies, double chocolate chip cookies and white choc chip cookies,but right by the plate was a note. DO NOT TOUCH! MUM'S COMING ROUND!

The smile dropped from her face with the realisation that she could not devour all the cookies imediately, she went back into the living room and hung her bags up and popped the books on the coffee table.

She grabbed her phone out of her coat pocket and pressed the call button to ring Hannah.

" Hey Han please please please let me have a cookie, I promise I will only take one pretty please. I'm out tonight so won't be able to have one when your mum comes round. Pleeeeeease?"

"Go on then, just one though! So where are you going?"

"I'm going to Mum and Dads, we're having a family meal."

Georgie said whilst observing each cookie making sure she was going to pick the best one.

" Then I might be meeting up with Leigh."

She said cautiously.

"Oooh Leigh hey? So when did he come back on the scene? "

Asked Hannah in a dissaproving tone.

" He text me the other day and just suggested going for a drink, have a catch up. Nothing more."

Although the words came out of her mouth Georgie wasn't convinced and neither was Hannah.

"Yeah, I'm sure that's what his plan is, just a catch up? Georgie, don't be so naive, he's trying to get back with you."

" So what if he is? "

Snapped Georgie.

" Look, I'm not even sure if I'm definitely going anyway."

She daren't tell Hannah she hadn't heard from him to confirm the plans they had made.

" I just don't understand why you're wasting your time with him. You know what he's like Georgie!"

Hannah's tone became more concerned for her friend.

" Ok, I'm sorry I just don't want him to hurt you again."

" I won't let him! Anyway I really do think he's changed. He's in the police now and his mums death seems to have made him appreciate things and PEOPLE more now."

Said Georgie whilst picking up a double choc chip cookie and shoving it into her mouth.

" OK well just be carefull and don't go jumping straight in at the deep end."

" Right, OK."

came a muffled reply as she tried her best to eat all of the cookie in one go.

" I'm only saying it because I care and I hate seeing you upset."

"Yeah I know."

"Right, I best go my last client of the day is on her way."

"See you later. Oh by the way nice cookies!"

Feeling deflated and questioning her self as to whether she should meet Leigh for a drink she found his number on her phone and just stared at it contemplating whether to cancel. Maybe Hannah's right, maybe he hasn't changed. Am I being an idiot for going through all this again? She thought. Feeling frustrated Georgie decided that she would spend no more time thinking about him and that if he was to get in touch with her then she will go, but if not then she will not contact him and will not arrange to meet up another day. Last chance.

"There!"

She said

"Problem solved!"

Inside she was hoping he would push for the date.

Comments

I found this which may help: http://fictionwriting.about.com/od/crafttechnique/tp/dialogue.htm

Profile picture for user lmswobod_35472
Lorraine
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Lorraine Swoboda
29/01/2015

Hello, Natalie, thanks for sharing.

This is obviously an early version of your story, and you have a long way to go, but I hope you won't mind a few pointers to help you along.

When you write speech, there are certain rules to follow, which so far you haven't got right. One of your major problems is detaching the speaker from the speech:

"I'm going to Mum and Dads, we're having a family meal."

Georgie said whilst observing each cookie making sure she was going to pick the best one.

Why have you written 'Georgie said' on a different line? You do this all the way through, and it's wrong. It should be:

"I'm going to Mum and Dad's. We're having a family meal," Georgie said whilst observing each cookie, making sure she was going to pick the best one.

(I've corrected your punctuation too.) Not sure why she is observing cookies: that means she's watching them. Why? Are they behaving unnaturally? She's actually just choosing the best of the cookies - why not say so?

'" So what if he is? "

Snapped Georgie. '

Again, why are these on separate lines, and why a capital at 'Snapped'? It continues from the speech: "So what if he is?" snapped Georgie. Please note: no space between inverted commas and the next or preceding word.

"There!"

She said

"Problem solved!"

"There!" she said. "Problem solved!" I've used a full stop after 'said', but you could use a comma and then no capital at 'problem'

" Then I might be meeting up with Leigh."

She said cautiously.

"Then I might be meeting up with Leigh," she said cautiously.

In the first three lines you repeat 'weekend three times - it's not required.

'One thing for certain, she knew she would not be going to her local nightclub, after spending her summers working as a holiday rep on the island of Majorca, she had experienced enough of the clubbing lifestyle to last her a lifetime.' '...she had outgrown the nightclub scene...' You're feeding the reader information in an awkward way here. Was anyone suggesting she would go to a nightclub? You need some sort of break in this line; try a semi-colon after Majorca, or a full stop and capital letter.

'she dazed in to a scenario of being back in Majorca...' this makes no sense: 'her mind drifted back', perhaps: one can't 'daze into' anything.

'questioning her self' - herself

'...if he was to get in touch with her then she will go, but if not then she will not contact him and will not arrange to meet up another day. Last chance.'

You've changed tenses here for no purpose. 'If he was to get in touch' is in the past tense - which is where your story has been told so far; you must stay there, so 'she will go' and the rest of this line is entirely wrong. Try 'she might' or 'she would', but not 'she will'.

Keep writing and keep enjoying it; but if you ever want to see your work in print, you are going to have to sort out your punctuation.

Try reading this out loud exactly as you've written it: every time you begin a new line here. take a breath before reading that line. You'll soon see that it really doesn't work.

Profile picture for user lmswobod_35472
Lorraine
Swoboda
1105 points
Practical publishing
Fiction
Crime, Mystery, Thriller
Historical
Romance
Autobiography, Biography and Memoir
Food, Drink and Cookery
Lorraine Swoboda
26/01/2015