'Once your thorn would hurt.
Once your petals were red. Like blood.
Your scent, like thousands of perfumes...
Has gone.
Now you are dried.
Like 1.6 million people's hopes.
They have also gone.
You are similar, dried rose.
You have been beautiful, you've been growing up in a garden, enjoying the sun.
They have also been alive.
Like you.
They have spent their time in a garden, enjoying the sun, like you.
They have cut you off.
Don't worry.
Others have cut them as well.
Other people.
Similar, to you.
Similar, to them.'
The `like` thing is more my own preference.
`The burst of glass like a spider-web` will always be weaker than... `The spider-web burst of glass.`
Hi Kevin,
Thank you for your comment.
I do not quite agree with you with regards to the comparisons in the poetry and using 'like'.
In the old Polish poetry at least, such comparisons and using 'likes' was popular, however I know when translated would into English would not sound great ( meaning would not be quite the same).
There are majority of examples in old Polish poetry, such as A. Mickiewicz 'Oda do Mlodosci' - he uses similarities and the poem is absolutely amazing (he uses words 'like', e.g word 'jako' or 'jak').
I cannot argue if in English poetry using comparisons 'like this, like that' is common or not, whether is used or not, as I have not got enough knowledge to argue about that.
When I wrote this poem I was about 16 and I did not know English language so well ( I arrived when i was 15 and I was still learning). So I do agree with you that 'The Dried Rose" is not 100% gramatically correct. But I kept it in this form, as this is my first poem I wrote in English and I wrote it for a 'Lesson from Auschwitz Project'. This poem despite its grammar mistakes was published in Worcester News website.
Thank you for your comment Kevin, you are actually the first person ever who commented 'The Dried Rose' :-)
Best Regards
S.D.N.
Nice, but early on you say liken two things. Don`t say via comparison this is like that... not in poetry at least.
Your petals were once red, like blood.... or... Your petals were once red, a bloodstained rose.
Your scent, like thousands of perfumes... or... Your scent, a thousand perfumes.
Don`t say this is like that, simply it is that.
Good stuff, but I prefer the dark.