The row with Rhoda was the following Thursday. It started quietly; the worst rows often do.
“There’s a microlight festival in three weeks time, love. I thought I might go.”
“You do remember we’re booked to entertain Val and Brian on the fifteenth?”
“That had slipped my mind. Couldn’t we put them off?”
“I don’t want to put them off, Gilbert. I’d like to see them. I’d like us to see them together, because we haven’t done much together recently. In fact, I haven’t seen much of you at all.”
“Okay. Yes, sure. I’m sorry I’ve been neglecting you.”
“You could sound a little more enthusiastic. They’re our best friends.”
“I’m sorry, love. You know what I’m like when I start something new.”
“This is different, Gilbert. You’ve been a different person since the weekend. Distant. Not unhappy, in fact sometimes you seem positively exalted. But you never seem close.”
Gilbert spread his arms, expecting Rhoda to snuggle in as she usually did. She ignored the gesture.
“You don’t seem close now, Gilbert. In fact, you seem a mile away.”
Gilbert’s pulse raced. Had Mavis been talking? Had he better say something about Brendan?
“There is something, isn’t there, Gilbert?”
“I’m having a great deal of pleasure from flying. It…lifts me up, opens me to, I don’t know, new thoughts, new experiences.”
“Take me this Saturday. Let me share that with you.”
“I’d better check with Brendan. We…”
“Brendan! This is about Brendan, isn’t it? That must be what Sheila meant when she commented on how close the two of you seemed at choir practice! It’s not about flying, not really. What’s going on, Gilbert?”
Gilbert spread his arms.
“Nothing is ‘going on’, Rhoda. Brendan and I are good friends.”
“I don’t like it, Gilbert. I want you to stop seeing him. Go and fly from a different airfield. Take me with you. Let’s be together again. I’ll learn to fly too, and we’ll fly together.”
Gilbert froze.
“You want me to stop seeing Brendan?”
“Yes. I want you to stop seeing him altogether, before you…you do something you would regret.”
“But…he’s my best friend, Rhoda.”
“Yes. And I’m your wife.”
“Rhoda, let me try to explain. What I feel for Brendan is different from what I feel for you.”
“Oh, you feel for Brendan, do you?”
“Yes, I do.” Gilbert spoke quietly but firmly.
“I suppose you’re going to tell me that you love him?”
“I suppose, in a way, I do.”
“Have you…?”
“No. No, of course not. Of course we haven’t.”
“There’s something, though, isn’t there? Something happened at the weekend.”
“Brendan kissed me. He wanted more but I stopped him.”
“How could you, Gilbert, how could you?” Rhoda’s face worked with passion. “You’re my husband. You’re nothing to him. He doesn’t love you; I love you, I need you. Give him up – for both our sakes!”
“I don’t think I can give him up, as you put it. I think I’m in love with him.”
Rhoda was panting now, gasping for breath. “You bastard. You utter bastard. I’ve stayed with you even though you can’t give me children, the children I long for – the children I deserve!” The tears cascaded down her cheeks. Gilbert had never seen her weep before. It tore at his heart.
“My dear, my love, please stop. I don’t know what’s the matter with me. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if there’s anything I can do; I feel as though I’m being washed away in a deluge.”
He reached for her, tried to make some physical contact that would tether him to reality, to the bedrock of their relationship.
She hit him.
Hard.
The marks of her fingers purpled his cheek.
She was screaming now.
“Don’t be under any illusions. If you have sex with someone else, if you betray me, I shall have my children. I shall have sex with the milkman, or the postman, or the…the vicar – whatever it takes to get pregnant. And you, Gilbert, you will raise them as your own because when that predator has finished with you – used you up – wrung you dry – you’ll come to me on your knees, and that will be my price for taking you back.”
Gilbert stood, ashen.
Rhoda took several deep breaths, calmed herself, although the tears still flowed.
“I shall have a child with Brian!”
Gilbert recoiled from her. “Val is your best friend! Would you really do that to her?”
Rhoda’s lips twisted; her eyes were hard as stone. “Val will let me, when she knows what I’ve gone through. It’s only sex, when all’s said and done.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that I will tell Val and Brian that your low sperm count is why we’ve never had children. I shall tell them about your fancy-man, and throw myself on their mercy.”
Gilbert sank onto one of the kitchen chairs. He looked at the ground without seeing it.
Rhoda grabbed the kitchen roll, and mopped her face.
“Leave him, Gilbert. Ring him now. Tell him it’s finished, he’s never to see you again.”
As though hypnotized, Gilbert drew his mobile out of his pocket. He called Brendan.
“It’s over, Brendan. I’ve been thinking. I love Rhoda; I’m not going to betray her even for you. I’ll stay away from Kemble. Would you, please, stay away from the Choral Society?”
Gilbert imagined the little shrug that would have accompanied Brendan’s “Okay.” He thought his heart would break.
“Well, goodbye then, Brendan.”
He rang off and looked up at Rhoda.
“I really do love you,” he said.
“I know.” She reached out and touched his hair. “The pain will go, Gilbert. It will go.”
* * *
Rhoda was pregnant by Christmas. Four years later, Gilbert and Rhoda, watched hand in hand as their little boy, blond, blue-eyed and the image of Gilbert, set his pony at a low jump in the orchard – and cleared it.
I LIKE that title: "A Little Blackmail Goes A Long Way"!
You could really play with this in the body of the story, laying clues to make the reader believe that it's Mavis (for example) who's either blackmailing, or on the verge of blackmailing, Gilbert: dropping hints that "it's her duty" to tell Rhoda; when it's really Rhoda blackmailing him. A DOUBLE twist, if you incorporate that Brendan-Junior similarity.
I'm sure that this wouldn't make it 100% original, either. Nor, frankly, would my suggestions in my first comment. (It's ALL been done before.) But they would add a bit of pep to the story.
I think that many (not all) of Jimmy's objections might be overcome if you just changed the title. 4 suggestions:
A Nasty Piece Of Work (though traditional Mills & Booners might see this as referring to Brendan)
Under Her Thumb
A Little Blackmail Goes A Long Way
A Calculating Woman (this would fit in with the "Is it he, is it she?" scenario that Jimmy suggested)
But you'd still need to have Brendan not giving in so easily. That Gilbert is a real wimp doesn't really come as a shock: he goes to greet Brendan during the first choral interlude through a feeling of duty. He's been the cock of the walk in the choral society for a long time. One is almost glad to see him come a cropper.
Brendan, on the other hand, enters a room of strangers as a complete newcomer, and yet always demonstrates his self-confidence. He invites Gilbert to go flying with him over their first shared pints... only hours afyer meeting him. This is not a man to give up the choral society without at least asking "Why SHOULD I???"
Consider this:
“It’s over, Brendan. I’ve been thinking. I love Rhoda; I’m not going to betray her even for you. I’ll stay away from Kemble. Would you, please, stay away from the Choral Society?”
"Fair enough that you're not going to 'betray' your wife. But does that mean us never seeing each other? Can't we be friends? Can't we be - if not friends - members in the same choral society? Would you like me to move away completely? Would you like to give me a list of the stores you shop at, so that I can make sure that I don't? Don't be ridiculous!"
Aside from this incredible (uncharacteristic) agreement of his in the original, Brendan comes across as the most likeable of the 6 adults who have speaking parts.
I want it understood that I am a feminist, with nothing but admiration for strong women who fight for their rights. But bullying is not a sign of strength, just the opposite. And to threaten to screw your husband's (former?) best friend in order to become pregnant, then demand that he [the husband] come crawling back to her, shut up and take it... that's not strength, that's pettiness. If she wants to have a child so much, why can't she use artificial insemination, instead of humiliating her husband to "get back at him" FOR UNCOMSUMMATED INFATUATION?!!! (Or true love, take your pick, but unconsummated in either case.)
Toxic is certainly the right word.
Hi, Penny!
I’m reviewing your piece (copied into Word) off-line, so I can’t tell whether anybody has raised the following points or whether you have edited your work since I copied it. And I won’t have much time to read through everything once I hit civilisation again. So apologies if any of this is redundant. At least it hasn’t been influenced by anybody else´comments. Here goes…
What a nasty piece of work!
Not the story: I rather enjoyed reading it… up to a certain point and the pseudo-happy ending. I mean Rhoda. She’s toxic! Using blackmail to force Gilbert’s fidelity. Calling him a bastard when he’d already indicated that – although he loved Brendan – he was willing to put a stop to any sexual advances. Crass jealousy and frustration pretending to be love. UGH!!!
Spelling/grammatical points:
a) According to my 2 dictionaries, it’s cagoule, kagoul, or kagoule, not cagoul.
b) ‘Brendan started the engine, which throbbed directly behind Gilbert. He [who?] felt the warmth of the sun on his shoulders, the slight cool breeze on his hands.’ I assume that you mean that it’s Gilbert who ‘felt the warmth […]’. But the subject of the previous sentence is Brendan, so grammatically it’s Brendan who ‘felt the warmth […]’.
c) Irritating amalgam of en_GB (coloured) and en_US (realized, hypnotized) spelling.
Points of style:
i) Personally, I got the feeling that the first flight was much too short. Although you don’t say so exactly, I understood that Gilbert closed his eyes while the plane was spiralling upwards. And that very shortly after he opened them, they began to descend. It’s obvious that Brendan is making a play for Gilbert. Surely he would have taken him for a longer, more exciting flight? I’ve never been in an ultra-light plane (invitations most welcome!!!) but surely they’ve got enough fuel for more than just reaching a certain altitude and coming back down. You don’t need to describe the whole flight in detail: just indicate that it was something extra-special. (They followed the meandering course of a river for a few miles and Gilbert thrilled at the unfolding countryside. [...] It had been the most exhilarating hour [2 hours? 3 hours?] of his life!)
ii) ‘She […] bought him a single man aircraft ready for when he qualified to fly solo.’ Missing hyphen… and sexism. Is this an aircraft designed specifically for unmarried male adults? Why not ‘a single-seater aircraft’?
iii) ‘Softly. “I’m glad for you; but I don’t believe you.” ‘ He doesn’t believe him, so he SHOULDN’T be glad for him! He should pity him for living [what Brendan believes to be] a lie. I’d substitute with “I’d be glad for you if I believed you. But I don’t.” Possibly “I’d be glad for you… IF I believed you. But I don’t.”
Points of plot:
This isn’t a bad story. I enjoyed reading it. You don’t come out and say whether YOU think that it’s got a happy ending. You leave that up to your reader to decide. And that’s good.
But nothing lifts it out of the ordinary (if we exclude the not-exactly-original bisexual slant to the potential infidelity.) If you were an already-famous author, you would have little trouble finding a buyer for this. Because names sell, and because it’s not bad. And if you’re writing for your own pleasure and to share with friends, this is fine. But, personally, I don’t find anything in it that would convince an agent (or publisher) to risk their time/money on an as-yet-unknown author. That’s tough love speaking there, Penny, because I’ve admired other works by you.
This MIGHT not have been your intention, but I – and (I suspect) other readers – on reading the title and the first appearance of Brendan… believe that he and Rhoda are the two slated for an affair. But, IMHO, you throw away this option too soon. If this is supposed to be a twist, it comes too soon.
Gilbert goes from “I don’t think I can give him up, as you put it. I think I’m in love with him.” to total capitulation and asking Brendan to abandon the choral society in a matter of minutes. In doing so, he loses my respect (and interest) completely. What a dishrag!
If you’re trying to get across the idea that Gilbert doesn’t have a bleeding clue about what love really is, you’re being too subtle for some readers, who’ll believe that this is a tale of True Love conquering Base Desire.
It’s not for me to usurp your story. But if I were writing this, I’d make the following changes:
1) Brendan befriends Gilbert AND Rhoda.
2) He invites them both on flights. Since the plane only carries two people, this means that Brendan is alone with Rhoda part of the time and alone with Gilbert part of the time. That would open up huge possibilities for speculation: on Gilbert’s part, on Rhoda’s… and on the reader’s.
3) I’d leave undisclosed which of them he’s really got his eye on for quite a bit longer. Rhoda may or may not fall in (unreturned) love with Brendan. This would give her later jealous outburst a touch of “sour grapes”.
4) Rhoda may or may not (for whatever reason) stop flying, BUT
5) When she buys Gilbert his present, it’s a 2-seater. Otherwise she’s excluding herself from sharing any part of his new passion for flying. Why would she shoot her own chances of time with Gilbert in the leg?
6) I can’t understand AT ALL why 2 riding enthusiasts (who keep 2 horses in the neighbouring pasture) would remove jumps from the orchard until the POSSIBLE (but unlikely? certainly not certain) arrival of a child and that child’s reaching horse-jumping age.
7) It is TOTALLY unreasonable of Gilbert to ask Brendan to abandon the choral society. It is totally incredible that Brendan agrees so meekly. People join choral societies for a number of reasons, including:
a) They have nice voices (optional) and enjoy singing. If Brendan enjoys singing, why should he sacrifice his pleasure at the whim of a toxic woman and her dishrag of a husband?
b) It’s a way to meet new people. (I assume that Brendan is new to the town/village and being in the choral society would accelerate his becoming “at home” there. If Gilbert has problems with that, HE should leave the group.)
c) It’s a tactic some people use to look for romantic partners. Why should Brendan forsake this possibility just because Gilbert bottled out? Brendan wasn’t – in the hangar – someone who gives up easily. He pooh-poohed Gilbert’s initial qualms. So it’s uncharacteristic for him to now to back off without a fight.
8) (This is just me being naughty.) I would have given the child Brendan’s features. A favour he did for his infertile friend. (Though this is not spelt out: just the subtle mention of a likeness… and that’s not 100% proof.* If you casually drop earlier that G and R are blond[e] and blue-eyed, that B is dark and brown-eyed [He looked into Brendan’s brown eyes and…], and then give Junior brown hair and eyes, SOME readers will put 2 and 2 together. They might be wrong. But there’s a frisson of possibility.) He doesn’t need to have had sex with Rhoda (though I would leave that undisclosed). It could have been artificial insemination.
Frankly, jealousy/infidelity stories are 3 for a penny; and – personally speaking – I find insecurity and jealousy being palmed off as True Love to be distasteful. Speaking as a publisher, I would never accept this story as it is… even if you WERE a famous writer. It offers nothing new, and to a certain kind of reader, it would only shore up their belief that “all’s fair in love and war”… including threats and blackmail. I’d hate to help propagate that belief. (Some take it to the extreme of “I killed her because I couldn’t live without her / couldn’t bear to see her with another.”)
* Have you read the short story ‘An Imaginative Woman’ by Thomas Hardy?