*FORGIVE...IF YOU WILL*This is me... Drinking beer to make sure i don't see clear. Will you forgive me Mom.? Staying indoor's. No i don't have any flaw's. Taking "Phet" drinking even more you bet. Will you forgive me Mom? Forgive me.? Please Forgive me for my Sins. My Negative feeling's. Please forgive me. For clearly i did not see. I sure as heck wasn't being me. Will you forgive me Mom.? For all the bad thing's that iv'e done.? Not like your "goody two-shoes" Son.
I like it. Rhyming poems may also have non-rhyming lines slipped into them, especially if they're repeated or carry the same theme.
(A friend of mine recently wrote a 6-verse x 4-lines-each-verse poem for a 4yo "Dragon". After the 2nd and 4th verse came "Roar, roar, ROAR!" After the 6th came "Purr, purr, PURR!")
2 criticisms:
Learn where NOT to use apostrophes. There are none in indoors, flaws, feelings, things. And it's I've, not Iv'e.
"Goody-Two-Shoes" or "goody-two-shoes", not "goody two-shoes"
Goody Two-Shoes is a variation of the Cinderella story. The fable tells of Goody Two-Shoes, the nickname of a poor orphan girl named Margery Meanwell. - wikipedia
Here the name of the character is G. T-S. But in your poem, you use it as an adjective, to decribe your brother. ONE adjective, comprised of 3 words. So all 3 should be hyphenated into one unit.
If it's any consolation, wikileaks makes the same mistake: 'The story popularized the phrase "goody two-shoes", often used to describe an excessively virtuous person, a do-gooder.' This would be correct only if we're talking about a "goody-goody" who has two (2) shoes, or has "two-shoes" as a nickname.
Advice: you may use the word "shit" on this site. Mayn't we, Admin?
Unless you want to bring across the idea that you're scared of using it to your mother (and in this case, would you even say "s**t"?), it looks twee. Your poem deals with guilt AND surpressed anger (viz the brother). Let it out.