The Girl In New York

I'm in the process of rewriting a paranormal fantasy novel (13+) that I wasn't entirely happy with first time around. I'm doing it for personal fulfilment rather than anything else, but I want to make a serious effort at it.

Currently I'm struggling on the story (I have too much for one novel and want to break it up - so I'm creating a new arc for the first book) but additionally, I've found first chapter selection and approach a little difficult to judge.

One of the issues I have is that the characters begin as loners so I've failed to introduce dialogue into chapter one. The second and third chapters have plenty of dialogue, pace, darkness and mystery. My concern is whether the chapter I'm pitching here has enough guts.

Chapter One.

Gio couldn’t recognise the feeling, but all his senses told him that something was about to happen.

It was like smelling the scent of a distant storm on the breeze, knowing that rain was coming on a dry and dusty day. He stood motionless on the sidewalk, as though waiting for the skies to darken and a wind to pick up between the tower blocks.

There was nothing. He scanned the street but it was just a normal New York lunch hour. Queues had formed at the food trucks, and workers dodged slow-moving shoppers, desperate to make the most of their breaks. Tourists loitered around over-enthusiastic guides, blocking the sidewalk and staring up at the Empire State building. Everything seemed normal, even peaceful, if that was possible in Manhattan.

It was only when the constant backdrop of sirens grew louder and rapidly closer that his feeling of apprehension deepened. Heads turned as the sound of squealing tyres tore through the block and that was when he saw the storm arrive, but it came in the shape of a stolen ’93 Mustang.

Instinctively, he stepped back against a print shop wall as the car hurtled around the corner of the street. Three squad cars were right on its tail, but instead of chasing it down, all they’d done was push the driver past the limits of his abilities.

The Mustang was going way too fast to take the bend and slipped across the road, lifting onto two wheels before catching the curb and flipping over the sidewalk.

The explosive sound of the impact was far louder than Gio thought it would be. For a few seconds it erupted along the avenue, but then reverberated out through the city, leaving only the sound of screaming and high-pitched alarms.

Police officers jumped from their cars. There was no fire, just a lump of dented metal turned over on the sidewalk spewing black smoke and leaking oil and water onto the street.

Two storefronts had been demolished and the officers were crouching down near the wreck, calling for paramedics and fire trucks on their radios. He guessed that not everyone had been able to get out of the way and thought it better to get moving. The last thing he needed was to be asked for a witness statement or to be seen on someone’s phone footage when they sold it to the news networks.

He made his way through a swell of curious onlookers whose feet were following their eyes, delivering them closer to the spectacle of the wreckage.

That was when he first noticed her.

Glancing up to check the road for traffic, he caught sight of a girl standing quite still on the opposite sidewalk. There was a sense of serenity about her. She seemed oblivious to the running, howling and crying people, and ignored the vultures who were desperate to get past her for a more intimate view of the accident.

Perhaps it was the way she was dressed, but she looked out of place. She could only have been about his age, sixteen or seventeen, but her clothes belonged to someone older. They were elegant and simple but hadn’t been bought from any of the shops in that neighbourhood. Gio couldn’t help but stare at her, fascinated by the few square feet of tranquillity she’d created amid the chaos.

A minute or two passed before she moved, appearing to recognise one of the pedestrians who was wandering away from the confusion, clearly distraught. She smiled and approached the man, taking his hands in hers and stepping into an empty doorway, away from the crowds where they wouldn’t be disturbed.

Their conversation became animated. The man was gesturing with his hands, pointing back to the crash and then running his fingers through his hair and shaking his head. Despite his apparent anguish, the girl remained just as composed as when Gio had first seen her.

Gradually, her companion’s mood seemed to change and he nodded several times before sighing and leaving the refuge of the doorway. Together, they turned and took a few paces away from the scene of destruction.

It was then that she stopped.

Her peaceful demeanour changed in an instant. Gio could see it in her face and the way she looked up, her eyes darting about the street as though something had spooked her. She looked scared, frozen to the sidewalk, searching for whatever had filled her with fear.

He knew immediately when she found it, it was the moment their eyes locked and her lips mouthed his name. She took a pace back and reached out for the man’s hand, pulling him away up the street, her eyes still fixed on Gio.

Without looking, he stepped into the road to follow them but lurched back to the curb when an ambulance driver slammed his fist down on the horn and sped past. The cab window was open and Gio could hear him swearing at people who were standing on tiptoe in the street, holding phones over their heads to get better pictures.

He ran a few paces up the sidewalk but there was no sign of the girl or the man she was with, they’d just disappeared. He couldn’t understand what had happened. It felt like he’d been recognised, as though she knew him, but it was impossible.

He didn’t know anyone in the outside world, and anyone who might have known him shouldn’t have remembered.