I sing to my tree
And he sings to me
As the clouds billow
The windy willow
Rocks and sways
An old hound bays
In darkest night
As bats take flight
And owls seek prey
Then skies turn grey
The plump sun rises
And God disguises
Its presence with clouds
Like tightly wrapped shrouds
James Cragg
I clicked on your work because of the title 'I Sing' as I am a singer myself. I didn't know what to expect and although initially disappointed as the reference to singing was fleeting I found myself drawn in to your poem.
It strikes me, and I'm not sure whether this is your intention, that in the space of your poem we travel from singing, which is usually a joyous pastime to allusions of death in 'Shrouds'.
To me this conveys the fleeting nature of life and how it can turn in an instant. Today of all days with the terrorist attack at a concert in Manchester, I found it very moving.
Well done.
Nice work, will put together!
For fear of sounding like I only care about syllables... there are two words I'd remove:
Seventh line, make it 'In darkest night'
Ninth line, 'When owls seek prey'
I think those changes preserve the rhythm, but its just a tweek. You could add a syllable to the following lines for the same effect.
If in doubt, ignore me and crack on!
Steve