If I was an iceberg -
(One tenth visible).
I would be nine islands;
Nine islands ruled by one;
Nine islands on seven seas -
Waiting for the Titanic
To sink me for good.
My mind is an iceberg -
(Nine tenths concealed).
It is one island;
One island ruling nine;
One island in infinite space -
Waiting for the sea of self-deception
To drain away for good.
James Cragg
Hia James, I like this and the other pieces you've posted. I've got a few suggestions here, please take them or leave them!
Firstly, the first lines echo well, I'd get rid of 'like' from the second to make it a metaphor and lose the extra syllable.
Secondly, the middle for lines of each are good, they do their job perfectly.
Finally, the last two lines of each verse, in my opinion, should more closely resemble each other. They need to really pull the two verses together and I think I lack the technical language to describe what I mean. In my basic terms I'd match the syllable count more closely so they feel the same.
Finally, if it were me I'd find a middle verse, mirroring the form of the other two but taking a different perspective on what you're trying to say. That would bring out the way these two verses fit together.
I hope that helps. There's a lot of good stuff here, if I've missed the mark please let me know.
Steve