I would appreciate your comments on my latest project (one day I might actually finish on of them!!). This is still in the thoughts and planning phase:
I know you hate me. I know you think that I was a cold-blooded killer; but that is not what I was at all. The story that has been handed down to you, by the humans, is not the whole story. You have never been told the truth about me. About what and who I was and what led to the cold brutality that I inflicted on the human, Veltid.
History has painted me as the monster and him the hero.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I was the hero either. No. I was little more than a child at the time, not an ordinary child, mind you, but a child nonetheless. I was an orphan, I had never known my father, Choh; and my mother, Mirah, had died, a broken woman, when I was only seven.
It isn’t just my story I want to tell you. Before I tell you about my journey, I want to tell you about my mother. I hope that by understanding my mother’s life, you will understand who I am, and what drove me to claim my right to Blood Justice.
Old comments haven't been deleted. Ignore the above they are from an old project that I have put back on hold. :-)
Hi DIane
I really like the start of this story and am very interested in where it goes from here. But might I suggest you go over the part with the father as I didn't think it altogether plausible that one moment he is practically in a coma and the next he is spitting out detailed accounts from his past and I don't sense the difficulty and breathlessness he would have trying to do this. Also his sentences are too long.
I believe you have the makings of an amazing journey. What age group is it aimed at? Why is she so stiff? Did I miss something?
Ann
This is such a compelling chapter it keeps you reading. Brilliant.