Isolation

I had a choice, I had a way to go, I chose one and who knows what the other one led to.

13 December 2015. Cold winter night, two cars collided into each other. Assailant survived but the victim lost his life.

No matter where you go, no matter what you do, no matter which road to take because the ending will always be the same - Death.

I was the Assailant. I had a long way to drive, and my only mistake was – I was distressed at the moment, and I took out my agony on someone else.

I feared people, I was scared that they will change me into someone that I never want to be. I was scared that they will lead me to the wrong road.

I became a hole in his road, I became a hurdle in his lives, a hurdle that he couldn’t pass.

My fear was infuriating for me. I fled away from people. My depression increased.

The victim was a freshman. He had a life to go. He had a distance to travel. It was just the point where his life began.

I started fearing my family. I was scared they will destroy me. I became my own hurdle. They all tried to help me, they were leading me to a right path but all I did was violate and isolate myself.

The night was tense, everything felt cold, and the atmosphere, my body, my heart and what really felt like ice were the tears on my cheeks.

I guess no one cared. They let me divorce myself from everyone, they stopped opining me. They did nothing for me that I can trounce my fear. Because no knows, sometimes words aren’t all a soul wants.

I kept on driving, on the silent midnight road. I was incinerated by fear and pain. I was kicked out of my own house, by my own mother.

I wanted them all to teach me, to lead me towards a right path, and to show me the light. I wanted them to stop me, stop me from taking a step forward into my agony.

She was infuriated because of my isolation. She told me she no longer had her guts to keep me with her.

But they pushed me towards it, screamed at me to go on. They cheered me up, motivated me. They didn’t know where my road would end or maybe where I would end someone else’s road.

My dad was quiet because maybe he was also tired up of me. He just sat on the sofa, staring at the floor as my mother led me towards the door.

I myself wanted to get out of my fear, my fear wasn’t the only thing that derived me out of my house. It was my obnoxiousness, but that was the result of my isolation.

I got out of the door, as the soft pearls brimmed into my green orbs. It felt charming yet the charm was ugly, like an aggressive animal kicking at your heart.

I knew it was the ending of it all, I had a feeling that my diamonds were breaking, that they were crushing down into a dirt stone, with no value.

The beat was so fast that there was a pleasure in it but the pleasure soon turned into a lust for death.

I was an unamendable, tainted girl. The painful diffusions took over me. It all became so vague for me to take. My life soon turned into an alive death. I became a living soul, which roamed the world. All I wanted was a body, a body that I had lost. I was just a ghost, a soul, which no one could, whom no one cared about. And everything was the mistake of my fear which I couldn’t overcome.