I opened my eyes in a family whose members completely adored me, unlike other households where daughters were considered a burden if not a curse, I was blessed with a family where I was the apple of everyone’s eyes. My parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts doted on me, this was my first encounter with “Joy”, though at that time I didn't knew what this feeling of being loved was called but something inside me fluttered proudly every time someone picked me up in their arms or fought over me to cater to my wishes. I am Sandra, also known as Sandy, and this is my story of “Joy”
Time passed and I grew up with love all around me, life was perfect. But life is an ever changing phenomenon and to think of it as static is utter foolishness and so life took a turn and brought us face-to-face with an unexpected. My father lost his job as a result of downsizing procedure followed by his company, it didn't go down well with him and my once hale and hearty father took it upon his heart and became a victim of cardiac arrest. And here I was facing “sorrow” for the very first time in my consciousness at a tender age of nine. However the circumstances were, my extended family didn't abandon us like most of the families do when someone goes through a financial crisis. My Grandparents, uncles and aunts were there to support us and look after me and my sister while my mother tended to my ailing father in hospital. Few days later after a successful angioplasty, my father got a discharge from the hospital and that moment of “joy” cannot be put into words. The feeling was somewhat similar to experiencing a bright sunny day after long, murkier days of monsoon where you hardly see any sun.
Two years passed and life was coming back on track, God had blessed my father with a job that was better than the last in all aspects and so we had nothing to worry about for the time. With the rising expenses my mother too decided to lend a hand and took up a teaching job in a school. Life was all good. And then once again the clouds decided to take over the sun. One fine evening, when we were happily chatting over tea, a phone call turned everything upside down. My father lost his job again due to the company shifting its base to another country where services of my father were not required. My father’s heart that was already feeble couldn't take it one more time and fell victim to another cardiac arrest, this time more serious than the last. With the doctors advising an immediate open-heart bypass surgery to my father, financial crisis worsened but God sent us a patron and a savior in the form of the dues that the company owed to my father. Whatever dues we received from the company were utilized in the surgery and my father was on his feet by the grace of God in a month, though not as strong as before but to see him on his feet again after a fatal cardiac attack with little hope was a Joy in itself.
After this, time must have flied for others, but for us it went at snail’s pace. Difficulties and hurdles kept coming for us sometimes in the form of my father losing his short-term employment and then his illness. If I say we were used to it by the time my father lost his job for the fifth time and went through a phase of depression then it wouldn't be wrong. But what kept us going in this time of sorrow and pain was the little ray of hope in our hearts that the time will change, and so it did.
Inspite of lot of difficulties and crisis, my parents made sure that both of their daughters receive their education and stand on their feet. Here, I must confess proudly my parents never longed for a son, and they were happy and content with the Gods decision of bestowing them with their bundle of joys in form of daughters and always made us feel more worthy than a son. So I was telling, the time changed, my sister became an engineer and landed herself a job in a Government organization, and here I cannot just help mentioning that the day she received her engineering degree was not just a joyous moment for all of us but also a proud one. After playing the game of hide and seek joy finally found its way into our lives once again. My parent’s hard work and their resistance paid them well in the end. As for me, I too found my way in life and chose a career that suits me to perfection and I am thankful to God and to my parents who trusted me enough and allowed me to choose a career for myself.
I would conclude emphasizing on the fact that whatever hardships and difficulties I and my family went through was all a part of God’s plan to make us stronger and also to make us aware that one can never fully taste the sweetness of Joy until they go through hardships. Me and my sister faced hardships at a tender age when we didn't even knew the meaning of hardship, we encountered bad times, saw our parents going through pain and trouble to pay for our school fees but even then we didn't stopped living and in turn God rewarded us every time . The feeling of Joy we experienced after every hardship, doesn't matter even if it was for a small time was simply UNEXPLAINABLE!
As I stated above, life is not static, and so we must not take everything for granted, we should cherish each and every moment of joy before it’s lost, but don’t worry even if it does get lost, it will eventually find its way back to you, you just have to have faith because every night is followed by a bright sunny day and sun doesn't remain under cover for long
Interesting piece, which could be interpreted just as easily as fiction or non-fiction. It's said you should write about what you know, and perhaps that's what you've done? Either way it doesn't matter, because the focus of the piece is on the nebulous Joy that is the title. Tracking the narrator through her life, from birth, through growth as the years pass, to a place of understanding (if not actualisation) brings its own problems - what exactly do you show, to represent that joy? The sense of family is portrayed very well, but for this narrator, joy equates to financial stability. In the world today, that's almost universally accepted, and I only question why the narrator felt the need to repeat herself in the last two paragraphs.
Let's do some nitpicking...
The opening line made me think Sandra had woken in a strange family, not being born into it. 'I opened my eyes in a family whose members completely adored me' doesn't sound like her own family. 'I was born into a family whose members completely adored me' might be better. It's only a small confusion, but it is one.
And to nitpick punctuation:
I opened my eyes in a family whose members completely adored me, unlike other households where daughters were considered a burden if not a curse, I was blessed with a family where I was the apple of everyone’s eyes.
Read that sentence aloud, you need a full stop instead of one of the commas. Two choices:
1) I opened my eyes in a family whose members completely adored me. Unlike other households where daughters were considered a burden if not a curse, I was blessed with a family where I was the apple of everyone’s eyes.
2) I opened my eyes in a family whose members completely adored me, unlike other households where daughters were considered a burden if not a curse. I was blessed with a family where I was the apple of everyone’s eyes.
Interesting how the emphasis shifts, whilst saying the same thing...
Because this is an adult looking back and telling her story, she's allowed some latitude in interpreting what a new-born baby might feel, and putting her spin on it, But does a tiny baby have a fluttering of pride? Does it know what pride is? It jarred a little (for me!) because it wasn't emphasising joy, somehow.This what you wrote:
My parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts doted on me, this was my first encounter with “Joy”, though at that time I didn't knew what this feeling of being loved was called but something inside me fluttered proudly every time someone picked me up in their arms or fought over me to cater to my wishes.
If you turn that around just a little does it become more 'joyful'?
I didn't knew what the feeling of being loved was called, but something inside me fluttered every time someone picked me up in their arms or fought over me to cater to my wishes. My parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts doted on me, and my first encounter with “Joy”, was though their love for me.
There's a tendency for Sandy to lecture us, rather than telling her story, and I wonder if the piece would have more power if she lost that tendency? Particularly the last two paragraphs, which are labouring the point a little hard. but it starts in the second paragraph, with this line:
But life is an ever changing phenomenon and to think of it as static is utter foolishness and so life took a turn and brought us face-to-face with an unexpected. [An unexpected what? - nitpick]
Stylistically, it's fine for Sandy to lecture us, but it does dilute the message she wants to get over, somewhat. And because she's telling us 'here comes bad news' before it arrives, the pure 'storytelling' becomes the lecture. Does the second paragraph have any greater poignancy (can't think of a better word, sorry) if the bad news is held back a little, like this?
Time passed and I grew up with love all around me, life was perfect. Until my father lost his job. The joy went out of him and my father took it personally and had a heart attack. (Cardiac arrest kills you, it's the heart stopping... Admittedly, prompt CPR and skilled intervention can save you, but we need him to go back to work...) I know it borders on humour, him taking it personally, but it does say something about the father, that doesn't otherwise come over. The story is so heavily centred on Sandy (presumably deliberately) that we forget about others' joy, and using any way to point it out does bring a tangible element of reinforcement that might render her lectures at the end irrelevant.
Joy (the subject) has been brought back into the frame, and it's worth emphasising that the family did get joy from Sandy, in the same way she got joy from them - through loving ties.
And then Sandy lectures again, slightly:
And here I was facing “sorrow” for the very first time in my consciousness at a tender age of nine. However the circumstances were, my extended family didn't abandon us like most of the families do when someone goes through a financial crisis. My Grandparents, uncles and aunts were there to support us and look after me and my sister while my mother tended to my ailing father in hospital.
It's almost becoming technical - 'facing sorrow for the first time in my consciousness' is a very long winded way of saying 'I was sad.' Would it be better to keep mentioning joy? The absence of it? Which would keep the title of the piece uppermost, and show the balance that can come, even in adversity:
Joy departed, but even then, my Grandparents, uncles and aunts were there to support us and look after me and my sister while my mother tended to my ailing father in hospital. And joy returned when my father came home to us. [I feel mentioning the angioplasty is unnecessary detail, but do ignore me on this, please, if you feel it's important.)
I won't go through the whole thing, and I hope you see what I'm getting at. It's only my opinion, and what do I know? But I do feel there's too much information that takes us away from the theme of joy, because Sandy feels the need to tell us everything. Focus on Sandy and her feelings, rather than her intellectual observations and you will have a story that is person-centred, rather than a little abstract, which this does tend to become. It will shorten, allowing you the chance to explore Sandy a little more, because there's so little of her emotions in this piece, just recitals of the ups and downs. At the end of the story, I was quite saddened, rather than uplifted, because Sandy didn't seem to have grown that much in spirit, because she still equates joy with financial stability. Love is in there somewhere, but Sandy's hidden it away, because she barely mentions it, never lets her emotions into the story, beyond pride. In the opening; for her parents for not longing for a son; in her sister's degree. Perhaps that what you intended?
Hope this helps!