King Of Gods: Chapter 1: Angel The Awakening Of A Demon

by Westwood Hinds
6th January 2012

THE BEGINNING

A large, well-built man with bronze skin is sitting on an enormous throne, in his chambers. Discretion and concentration twist his face into that of seriousness. He was attired in a pure white robe which was embroidered by strange ancient imprints that could only be seen upon close inspection. The robe was almost as white as his long tangled hair and beard which was descending just beneath his well chiseled chest. Precisely, he raised his hands as if to summon an unknown command but instead, cuffed his hand to form a fist. Power illuminated from him in such a miraculous astonishing manner it would make the most feared being in the universe quiver. He pressed his face against his fist slightly, took one soothing cleansing breath and closed his sky blue eyes. With little to no concentration at all, he pointed his fourth finger at a metal pole that spiraled down from the ceiling of the room. Suddenly, he shot a bolt of lightning from the uttermost tip of his finger to the bottom of the pole. The bolt of lightning moved as if it had a mind of its own, the way it traveled up the spiraling pole. The bolt traveled to the top of the pole at an amazing speed. The lightening traveled all the way to the peak of the pole, where it met a sphere. Immediately, as the bolt touched the sphere, it became elongated causing a tail to birth itself. It began to rotate around the sphere in all angles, increasing its speed drastically till it looked like nothing more than a lit sphere. A bright flash followed by the sound of thunder em-blazed the moment in which the bolt shot out into the unknown distance like a shooting star.

A stranger sat at peace off in the distance, where he looked upon the embellishing life forms of the planet, in admiration. His heart was captured by the place which reasoned for his constant appearance there. The weather was medium and there were two suns. There was so much beauty to be found on that one planet as well as magic. The flowers grew at a moderate pace differentiating from that of Earth’s. The stranger’s face gleamed with curiosity and contentment. While he took one of his familiar routes, he tried to steady his mind. “Why can’t I come up with something?” he silently scowled himself trying very hard not to make the creatures around and about afraid. The stranger’s body stiffened as though he could feel something stalking him. Every single bone in his vessel was on full alert making the hair on his neck tingle. It was at that point in time he sensed it approaching. He raised his head gingerly to the sky but saw nothing but white ashes. He waited, expectantly within a millisecond he saw its intruding light. Proceeding, straight for him the lightning bolt did not faultier. The Stranger stood and arched his muscular body, readying himself for the impact. The bolt smashed directly into him; obliterate everything in its part, excepting him. Unharmed he looked up into the unknown and nodded in acknowledgement to himself. “Lord Uzal” the stranger exhaled.

He lifted his pale cream colored arms and immediately he was swallowed within the depths of light, vanishing into thin air. The stranger entered into a vortex and without shifting his natural form, he flew through the cosmos as though he didn’t need to breath. Some people would say that he was an exceptional being that hovered between mankind and a God for he was not bounded by the rules of the universe. Deep into space he spiraled locking his eyes on one particular planet studying it carefully. He landed with a soft thud on the small but wealthy planet’s soft soil. Peering around, he looked at the extravagant waterfalls for a while. The planet’s theory was indeed through, one cannot help but to gaze at its exquisiteness no matter how many times they have seen it. Even the fresh air would make anyone sit for a moment or two and take in some of the wonderful aroma, and the ridiculous amount of unworldly life forms that always seemed to fascinate him. Every creature seemed to be about their normal daily errands. Some were cutting down a green jelly-like structure; others were walking offspring or simply just attending to palace duties. As they passed by they greeted him ever so politely or probably they’re just friendly, he thought, or maybe they just know me by now. The stranger proceeded on his journey to a large castle that stood on a hill about a mile away. The surroundings captivated him. From the simpler things like the green marshes that grew out into a small sheltered pond to the weird deformed creatures that hovered in the sky above him. Unfortunately, time was not in his hand today and with that thought in mind he picked up his pace. He moved with impeccable haste that glided him across the ground similar to that of a spiritual being as though he inhabited the body of a ghost. His robe swayed behind him making the strange imprints, similar to the white beard man in the starting, merge together to form mystical images.

Upon entering the castle’s grounds, his hazel eyes could not resist the endearment of the naked, luring beauty of the surroundings. He stood still for a moment and took a deep breath to fill his lungs getting with the soothing scent of the blooming flowers. Some would indeed think that he was a wimp but he just appreciated outstanding beauty in the simpler things other than the rest of the Lord’s servants, who seemed to have a more nonchalant nature naturally and possessed a more destructive manner. That was when they went after their heart’s desire, they seemed to forget the minor creatures that occasionally got destroyed in the course of their irrational actions. He halted in front of a gigantic golden-crossed door. Embodied on the door was a U that was glazed with krypton and gold. From behind the door, power seeps through the creases proclaiming a warning that even the dumbest fool would heed to. The door opened and symmetrically splits the U. Instantly, a large beast wearing the same clothing as him stepped out of the room. His face was that of a rhino and was standing on two human legs that made him resemble a hominid.

“Ah…it is good to see you master Shoonon” the beast said in a tone that was pleasing but still held authority. “You may enter”

Shonon nods his head at the guard then enters the chamber. Hearing the doors close behind him, he glanced back and saw the guard look at him as he approached the King’s throne. The room was mystical and the diamond walls illuminated its interior. Sitting on his throne was Lord Uzal fiddling his fingers as lightning ran from one to the other. His Lord looked vibrant and powerful more than ever. Shocking to say, he looked younger than hundreds of donkey years old.

“My Lord, you called”

“Ah… you’re here Shoonon” Lord Uzal said as he guided the lightning back into the tip of his fourth finger. As he did so five of his other servants rushed at him. They were very different to the guard at the door. They had wings and were in the physical form of humans but changed shape like clothes. In their hands they held woven baskets that contained many hues of unknown things that looked like small bejeweled combs. The combs were so long in comparison to the size of the beings (they were the size of butterflies) holding it. The combs resembled sea shell colored in millions of hues blending together in perfect harmony. Each had their own feature that made them different. They fluttered around him and began to groom his beard and hair.

“Stop!; Stop! Let me be for a while” the mighty king said. The ferries instantly obeyed. In a huff they placed their hands on their hips as though they were hurt and annoyed and dismissed themselves. Shoonon seeing the opportunity floated a bit closer to the king’s extremely large throne until he was face to face with Lord Uzal.

“Greetings Lord Uzal, you summoned me my king” Shoonon said while bowing his head knowing fully well he should address the matter immediately.

“Yes my humble and loyal servant, you may continue” Lord Uzal said with a bit of concern in his voice.

“My guess is that you wish to talk about the rebirth of your knight AO”

“Is everything going according to plan?” Lord Uzal asked

“Yes everything needed for the rebirth is ready but…” Shoonon trail off afraid to continue. The room got dense and silent. The king’s face screwed with despair. It resembled a homeless child who was on the brink of losing hope. Shoonon’s heart squeezed seeing his master in such a state. He had made up his mind a long time ago that he would do whatever it took to keep his lord pleased.

“So … Lord Adilla and her Knight becomes our main point of focus once again Shoonon” Lord Uzal implied.

“Yes…Lord Adilla and her Knight Simian have developed some sort of path finding spell that’s supposedly powerful enough to show the path of the Spi Li. It will lead them right to the vessel.” Shoonon finished his statement with a sigh.

“It is impossible!” the king shouted making the walls of the chamber shake rapidly. “Lord Adilla could not have done this alone, it is impossible unless she had help from the outside from one or more of our brothers and sisters…but who could it be. One thing I have learned Shoonon is that they all have a motive, some more than others, still…” Lord Uzal said deep in thought.

“My Lord you are indeed correct she is aided. I believe Lord Philise is in this with Lord Adilla 50/50, while Lord Cothien’s assistance appears to be somewhat purchased. I believe she….they are offering him something he wants, something they know he wouldn’t refuse.”

“Tell me Shoonon, what have you come up with to protect my knight?” Lord Uzal urgently inquired.

Shoonon sensed the concern of his king like that of a forbidden enemy. The matter was urgent, yes he knew, he refused to underestimate their chances; He also knew he needed to reassure his king. Taking a deep breath Shoonon closed his eyes and reopens them.

“I’ve been watching the planet earth my lord and…well the other Lords known that your Knight, AO, comes from there. Also that until the time of the recognizing no one can recognize him excepting, your lordship and myself. This we can use to our advantage.”

“So what you’re implying is if we protect him now we won’t need to protect him until the time of reckoning?” Lord Uzal said sounding a little more like himself.

“Well no my Lord even though he will be difficult to identify, we would need someone strong to shadow over him just in case.” Shoonon replied happy to see that his master regained some belief in the success of his knight rebirth.

“Yes Shoonon but my greatest fear is that they will sneak onto my planet Earth, knowing that I forbid any from visiting without my consent. They’ll do it anyway murdering thousands even millions of innocent beings just to detour my knight’s rebirth” he stressed on “rebirth” making it a nonexistent fact that absolutely cannot be denied its course.

With that thought in mind the king stepped out of his throne and drifted to the rear of his chamber. Behind his chamber stood a large, majestic garden that bared remarkable plants; some of these plants were so beautiful that they could capture and hold anyone’s eyes, forcing them to let down their defenses. Some others were extremely hideous and some were like butterflies with leaves that behaved like butterflies wings an astonishing sight for one to witness and many, many more unimaginable types of plants. Waltzing around were the fairy like beings

“What of my warrior, Angel, can she be ready in time?” the king’s words came out in a short rasp of desperateness that wounded the atmosphere around him. The sky grew a pale grey, the fairies seemed to huddle together and the guards were on high alert. Clearly Lord Uzal did not care that he was changing the weather with his mood.

“I don’t know, my Lord she is still very young and it would be a difficult burden for her to bear, she’s been through a lot lately” Shoonon replied stressing on his last sentence.

“Shoonon, this is Angel’s sole purpose!” the king roared “She must summit herself as faith has ordained.” He paused to play with one of his favorite plants. Too much disbelief the plant shifted shape, texture and hue as Lord Uzal created numerous lights at his finger tip and placed it next to them.

“Do you think she can be ready in time Shoonon, she will have the greatest desire to do her best out of all my available warriors, after all, for her this is personal, it could play to our advantage”.

“Well it is possible if she becomes her true self in time…… Yes she can easily see to it that AO is protected until the rebirth. She also has the ability to tell him apart from the others like us, so I guess she is our best aspirant. The only question now is if she will be able to become her true self in time to foil Lord Adillas’ plans”. Shoonon said with a suppressed sigh.

“Shoonon we have no choice, I must regain my place as king of the gods, or more importantly Lord Adilla must not be the victor. If she wins, and she will do anything to win, there is no doubt that I will be the one she comes after, I will lose.” The king closed his eyes slowly as though he could see his near destruction. Willing himself again he spoke, “We have no choice! Angel must start her mission now!, Go now Shoonon, while there is still time for her preparation, and make this young heroine aware of her past, her present, and her future”.

“Yes my Lord” Shoonon replied urgently, bowed his head gracefully and disappeared.

ADILLA’s PLANET

On another planet located on what seem to be the other side of the universe sat Lord Adilla on her throne. She had a similar built to Lord Uzal but stood no standing ovation. Lord Adilla was obese and rancid. Her complexion resembled an overcast hurricane due sky and her long black hair swayed at her side. Some would say if Lord Adilla lost some weight brushed her teeth and changed her mask she would have been the perfect gentleman or not. Her planet was nowhere near as pleasing to see as her. The planet was a horrid place where the stench of decay travelled miles from its origin. Fossils of expired beast which once prowled the surface covered this dreaded wasteland. The planet appears isolated at first inspection but a closer observation would show a few of the scavengers still existed hiding in the caves and the mountain ranges their existence is a miracle in itself for they fed off of one another. May the Gods be praised!

The queen sat occupied in her chamber stuffing her saggy vessel with what is described as unworldly appetizers or was it? Bared in the center of the room was a huge pot-like hole; Goo seeps from its depth while Adilla’s minions filled the hole with creatures. Adilla has warriors whose sole purpose is to explore her galaxy to haunt for food.

This seemed to appeal to Lord Adilla more than ever as she gnawed on her meal in a piggish manner. This must be one of the reasons why the other Gods left her alone because she was all out filty. I guess that was also her fault in the male department.

“Hey…I just love myssself!” Adilla hissed at one of her minion who stood about to toss another creature into the pot, both the minion and the creature stood staring at the Lord in amazement as she shoveled a giant spoonful of something looking like a soup down her throat. “What are you looking at; if you don’t ssstop ssstaring at me you might asss well jump in that pot.” Without a moment to lose the servant threw the creature into the pot ignoring the wailing sound of the creature and dashed out of the room, feeling the need to get the heck out of Adilla’s presence. Every creature in Adilla’s kingdom feared her due to her past reputation that stood out more than a recommendation from the Elder Gods.

“It’s like musssic to my earsss” Adilla mulled to herself unaware that her most loyal, beloved servant had just stepped into the room.

The ruthless stranger stood at the sideline watching and waiting accompanied by two of his associates. His deep violet crisp battle suit was so well seamed that even in battle they would make substitute swords. He was well groomed and shone with an uttermost brilliance that swoon ladies to the end of the galaxy. His presence in this planet was quite uncommon because he was the absolute opposite to Lord Adilla. He captivated the ladies whereas the queen made men puke in disgust (and imagine that run!) it was odd, how they admired one another.

“Ah” Lord Adilla hissed directing her speech at the stranger “Yesss, yesss. Everything is in order yesss, everything is going purr-fect.”

The stranger nodded in agreement which made the queen queeze in satisfaction.

“Excellent! Once we track the Spi Li and desssstroy the vesssel Lord Uzal’s annoying knight, AO will not be back in time for the tournament”.

Comments

Hi Westwood.

I agree with Claire about the use of past and present tense, a simple mistake that we all do sometimes.

What I also found, was the over use of the same word in the same paragraph, all to describe the same thing. Do you get where I'm going here. You only need to use that word once, sometimes you can get away with twice, but anymore and it's too much.

He halted in front of a gigantic golden-crossed door. Embodied on the door was a U that was glazed with Kryton and gold. From behind the door -

You also actually mention it again.

You need to seperate into paragraphs, and try not to mix dialogue within them, it just gets confusing and muddled, and your wording is confusing sometimes in itself.

However, I like the basis of the story, all you need to learn is how to fine tune the piece, and make it read smoothly. Learn that you don't have to be over-descriptive with your narration.

Keep going, we all started at the beginning where you are now.

Sarah :)

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Sarah
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Sarah Neeve
06/01/2012

thanks for the advice Clare i will most definitely work on that past tense present tense actually that what i working on right now i have never had much writing practice just a wild imagination as you clearly can see i could do with a friend like you to help me edit my book well all the best for the new years Clare i look forward to any more useful advice

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Westwood
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Westwood Hinds
06/01/2012

You have quite an imagination!

Be careful about switching tenses. Your beginning, for instance, has: "is sitting" present tense, "twisted" past tense, and keeps flicking back and forth. Past tense - you're telling something that has already happened. Present tense - you're telling the story as it is still happening to the character. And watch out for the word "was" - it's a commonly overused word.

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