THE KNIGHTS' CODE - MG

by Elaine Smith
12th February 2013

CHAPTER 1

THE KNIGHT AND THE CONTEST

Hal Longleat chewed on his grubby nails. Everyone else crowded forward to get a better view but Hal hid in the shadows by the stable door. From the moment the serving women told him how the crusader knight had come to name the prize Hal had made sure he had a lot of work to do in the stables.

Only the day before, the crusader knight, de Moreville, had thundered into the courtyard with a small troop of knights, a squire of about fourteen years, and a page who looked to be about ten years of age. The knight had ridden a black destrier but there were magnificent brown bays and a high-stepping white with good lines in the group.

Later that evening, the crusader had tried to negotiate. “I promised the men who saved my life that I would find their sons. It is a debt of honour. I must make them my pages. One day, they will be knights.”

Lord Courtney was not interested in promises made to dead men. The serving woman who rushed to find Hal had gabbled out the details. She said the knight had offered to pay compensation for any inconvenience losing a stable boy might cause. He almost begged. She shook her head. It was obvious to all of us who lived in the castle that the knight didn’t know Lord Courtney. While there was peace in the county, only fighting and gambling made his days less dull. He might have been bored but he wasn't stupid, Lord Courtney did not demand they fight. The broadsword that hung from the crusader’s hip was heavy. It looked well used.

Comments

Its quite good but there needs to be a slight change in pacing, because honestly the first chapter could be considered the most important because its what decides if a reader wants to read more or just put the book down

And you could increase the amount of description, right now your mostly talking about the actions being performed or already have been.

You could also explore more into the main characters feelings, thoughts, doubts, nervousness, and things like 'What If?' in the characters mind, it would help the reader understand the character more and empathize with him, and if they do, they obviously will want to read more.

Hope it was Helpful

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