Lest We forget

by Liz Gillespie
23rd February 2016

The day is new

Repetition a must

From morning dew

To the evening dusk

 

Fleeting smile

As a stranger passes

I rest a while

And adjust my glasses

 

 Another time

Another land

A single line ..........

A supporting hand

 

With help I rise

On parade I stand

Remembrance of those

Who fought for our land

 

They fell at my side

On a terrible day

For their country they died

What more can I say

 

My brothers in arms

They never grow old

Protected from harm

Their bravery told

 

A day every year

On parade we stand tall

A silence we hear

In respect to you all

 

Lest we forget.........

 

Comments

I love this poem. Great rhythm and feeling. One small doubt: the "lest we forget" at the end. I understand that the point is to break the rhythm of four, break away from the rhymes, to set it apart while creating the repetition you speak of on the second line. I agree, it makes sense, structurally.

But, still, it feels a bit jarring. I don't think you need to repeat the title on the last line. It feels like you are trying to force your point through. And you really don't need to. The rest of the poem is much lighter, subtler. And for the repetition theme, you already have "day", "another", "parade"... I think the poem is complete without it.

Unless you're considering renaming it? Then do keep the last line in, it would be a shame to lose "lest we forget", I love it.

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Nathalie
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Nathalie Blackney
24/02/2016