Living With The Enemy Within.
What seemed to be such a perfect world would soon come smashing down, with a blink of the eye and a strike of lighting. Hi I’m Ricky, just an ordinary 9 year old boy with a loving family, however nobody told me how my life was about to explode into a million pieces and a million emotions.
Chapter 1 Monday 24th august, this is the day I decided I had to put pen to paper, anything to try and keep these thoughts and feelings from making me explode. I had to keep my family safe, had to keep them my main priority. I’d never had any of these thoughts or feelings before until a few days ago, no one will ever understand what it feels like to have these thoughts and feelings pacing through my mind. I think they are starting to spiral out of control. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to feel powerless, so vulnerable, so scared that not even someone next to you could hear your loudest screams, I have. I had started to feel like an outsider looking in, almost like someone is lurking behind me, sending shivers down my spine but no one was ever there. My behaviour started to become more erratic, more dangerous with thoughts that could tear my family apart. A thought such a car gliding towards you and wanting to step out in front of it, anything to stop these extreme thoughts from progressing. I had started to have thoughts that no ordinary 9 year old boy would have, thoughts that nobody should have, I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone not even my worst enemy.
LIVING With The Enemy From Within
Richard I Christy
There once was a Boy who grew up to with a enemy he was called , Elf .The boy would go about his daily task like go to school play out with his friends but Elf would still be there he would be an outsider from his school friends he didnt really enjoy school he was bullied for being a bit different school was a hard time for the boy he was growing up with elf but not getting any ware fast life was hard for the boy to deal with at time but he struggled through no matter what he would all ways look be hide him but for sure Elf was there never getting rid of Elf. Illulastrion to show]
Elf was the inner most soul off the Boy, Elf would create things for the Boy to do but not as you or I would see only the Boy would be able to see theses things & would create them in his mind and act them out even if the things did not make any senses. Things like acting out of charchartor from the boys usely person he would do and say stranger things eracted behaver careless risks taking.[illulastrion to show]
Making sense off the Elf this would become the hardest & one of the most mind bogglingly things for us too understand, Elf is a very patient person who looks like you or I as normal as can be Elf has a great humorous and an excellent way at looking at life Elf also cares for loved ones very much, for family and friends & looks on life as to be a great positive to be here around all theses wonderful things are great qualities in life to be hold.illulastrion to show]
Holding on to Elf this is a problem both in holding on – letting go it is a double edge sword you don’t want to let go but, you don’t want to keep it either.
Living with Elf is like living with your best friend but it can also be like living with your worst night mare or some thing greatly overwhelming or some thing really depressing it is a absolute the enemy from within.
Enemy : Elf
Definition ;
Elf is true to you , he or she may come in different forms e.g.
speaking too you ;
Talking back to you ;
seeing things that may be or not there;
hereing
Making you do things you may not want to do;
[illulastrion to show]
Elf is also very productive at times but also can be non productive let me show you why;
Elf can make you make things and come up with extremely great & fabulous ideas, but can also destroy them at a flip off a coin.[illulastrion to show]
Elf would be great leader when they are on there top off there game, how ever if Elf got the better of you catching you UN aware all hell could break lose from being at the top off your game to being six foot under it is that painful and you never know what is next or round the corner.[illulastrion to show]
Round the corner; there is great exception off you as the Boy well round the corner there was life full of fulfilment were ever thing you touched turned to gold or ever thing you touch turned to dust but off course Elf was still leering round the corner trying to big you up or knock you down.[ illulastrion to show]
Knock you down; this would come in many forms you could be up a ladder and the one thing all off a sudden you felt your legs go from under you the first thing you do is to grab the ladder with your arms but all off a sudden you felt your arms were not doing what you wanted them to do they would stretched. Then next your still on the ladder but you can not see the ground the ground has gone but your still holding on but the ground is about to swallow you up but it is not just a hole it looks like it is hell opening up for you and your trapped your there for either a number off hours or a number of days or months and it has got to be the worst feeling ever, know lam not going to lie to you you can get out of it but it takes a lot of thinking and determination to do. How ever once you are out off it remember you got to climb back out of the hole with Elf on your back, but this is a hundred times heavier than you could ever ever thinking of.[ illulastrion to show]
Thinking of; this is what you may be thinking;
Oh no I can not do it;
its to hard;
I wish I wasn’t in here;
Those are just a few of many things you could be thinking once out of the hole and things are looking rosier you have got to look for would to being Boy with not so much the Elf with you let me explain;
Let me explain;
become happy;
extremely overwhelmed;
very talkative;
excited;
productive;
everything to excess;
[illulastrion to show]
Then you can go higher than that and lose Elf or become aura of Elf;
aura of or lose yourself in Elf;
speeding thoughts;
fast thinking;
extremely uncooperative;
extreme rely reckless behaviour;
In aura of Elf or lose your self;
This is like going to a higher state of mind no drug or alcohol could get you there it is called a state of mind to the extreme called euphoric without taking any drug or alcohol you feel UN touchable invisible you feel like you can go as fast as light everything to excess extreme racing thoughts then when you come back down to a normal way of thinking may be after a few hours or few weeks or months or you may not come back down a long time but when you do you come crashing back down with all mighty bump; [ illulastrion to show]
The Bump is the worst feeling in the world and as fell you have Elf on your shoulders look down on you you are spinning round & round and it feels like you can not get hold of your self you don’t know what is really and what is not really everything is a blur your in a stranger place than you have ever been before there is no were out your locked in and Elf is still there not letting go know he is in your face stopping you from breathing you feel like you are drowning awake,then all of a sudden awake;[illulastrion to show]
Awake as the saying says back in the room and the meds have kick in & you and Elf are a part but not quite left you a lone he at the end of your bed just hanging on keep taking the meds an then Elf might leave for a while till you can mange to get up and get dressed and get washed my be go out of the house for a while not forgetting Elf he might never leave you but you can learn to live a life by your side worry free.[ illulastrion to show]
Elf to live by your side ; elf is hard to live with he should not be taken lightly he is very strong willed and doesn't like being told what to do, elf would be in control at all times until he became uncontrollable in his behaviour . (Illustrations to show)
Uncontrollable in elf behaviour he would we explosives in is mannerisms he would work on many projects at many times sometimes not finishing projects this would upset him at times he would become very disinhibited from his peers and family & work life this would be hard to deal with at times. Elf and I would develop my love for art work it would become a life long love for abstract art , Me & elf would construct master pieces or so my self and elf would think so , the art work actually acted like a bridge across an open reveen
(Illustrations to show )
Bridge across an open reveen ;
This is a picture of how me & elf are feeling you could look down and not be scared to fall in but the bridge would be never ending this would be the high on the bridge and the low under and in to the reveen . High would be higher state of mind & the low would be deep down depressed under the bridge
(Illustrations to show )
High & low these usely are extreme high & extreme lows , elf has a lot to do with these extremely emotional times theses can hit at any time in your life especially at traumatic times on your life eg.. Marriage , deaths holidays change in circumstances good bad or indifferent smoking drinking or even ever day changes but these extreme highs & lows can become rapidly cycle which can become very draining as well emotional and mental elf is always there looking over your shoulder it's very hard to live with elf let alone self
(Illustrations to show)
Lorraine Thankyou for your comments i will take it on board and re do a few things your comments are good thanks for taking the time to read.
Hi Richard, thanks for sharing. May I make a few comments?
The first sentence seems to be looking back from a point in the future, where, as the next one seems to say, Ricky is now nine years old (never 9 in narrative).
But I'm confused; is Ricky nine now, or was he nine then?
'Hi I’m Ricky, just an ordinary 9 year old boy with a loving family, however nobody told me how my life was about to explode into a million pieces and a million emotions.' This should be two sentences. 'However' doesn't fit: I'd cut it out.
'august' - August.
Is this a diary entry? Or is Ricky looking back at the diary he wrote then?
You move in and out of tenses so that it is difficult to follow. He seems to be looking back and saying, 'On that date, I started a diary. I'd never had those feelings until a few days before then.' Then you move into the present tense, but he's supposed to be describing the events of the past. Either make this a quotation from the diary, or put it in the past tense.
'Have you ever wondered what it would be like to feel powerless, so vulnerable, so scared that not even someone next to you could hear your loudest screams, I have.'
'Have you ever wondered what it would be like to feel powerless, so vulnerable, so scared that not even someone next to you could hear your loudest screams? I have.' See the difference my punctuation makes?
'I had started to feel like an outsider looking in, almost like someone is lurking behind me, sending shivers down my spine but no one was ever there.' If you're in the past tense, you must keep it there:
'I had started to feel like an outsider looking in, almost like someone was lurking behind me, sending shivers down my spine; but no one was ever there.' I've changed the punctuation too.
'My behaviour started to become more erratic, more dangerous, with thoughts that could tear my family apart.' I've added a comma.
'A thought such a car...' missing word.
'A thought such (as) a car gliding towards you and wanting to step out in front of it, anything to stop these extreme thoughts from progressing.' 'You' doesn't belong here. Earlier it was used to address the reader; here it should be 'me'. The second part of this sentence doesn't actually refer to the first part, but to the sentence before. I'd say rework this section:
'My behaviour started to become more erratic, more dangerous, with thoughts that could tear my family apart; thoughts such as seeing a car gliding towards me and wanting to step out in front of it. I would do anything to stop these extreme thoughts from progressing.'
You've repeated thought/s eight times in seven lines, with 'thoughts and feelings' occurring three times in three lines. Find another word to describe the internal emotions.
'I had started to have thoughts that no ordinary 9 year old boy would have, thoughts that nobody should have, I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone not even my worst enemy.' This needs work:
'I had started to have thoughts that no ordinary 9 year old boy would have, thoughts that nobody should have. I wouldn’t wish them upon anyone, not even my worst enemy.'
'Thoughts', plural, can't be referred to as 'it'.
It's only a short piece, but with a little work it could have much more power, and be easier to understand. At the moment, it's unclear when Ricky is telling his story; is he an adult looking back? Is he reading, or commenting upon, the diary he wrote as a child?
Write your story, but remember that that's only the beginning for any author. 20% writing, 80% getting it right!