I decided to add a small piece of poetry to my "shared works" folder. After writing this (the 2nd poem to my [then 3-year-old] step-granddaughter, Lucinda), I considered publishing a book of love poetry to her, later expanded the idea to include her sister and cousins. Living in [5!] different countries as we do, I don't see them often enough to get inspiration for a whole book (there's one I haven't even met yet), but I have my dreams...
Will Admin PLEASE add "children's stories" and "poetry" to the genre drop-down options???
[In the 2nd-last verse, “I don't” is hurried into one beat]
Thanks to comments from Victoria and Hache, I'm going ahead with the change.
Lucy with her wellies on
Is playing in the ditch.
A shame about the wellies 'cause
Her big toe starts to itch.
And how can Lucy scratch her toe
With wellies on her feet?
It's quite a tricky problem, but
It's one she's going to beat.
Lucy with her wellies on
Is quite a clever lass.
She climbs up on the bank, and then
She sits down on the grass.
And, though it's not an easy job,
She pulls her wellies off.
A speck of mud flies in her mouth,
So Lucy has to cough.
“Oh Lucy dear, oh darling Luce,
Lucinda, my own Love,
Why did you take BOTH wellies off?
What were you thinking of?
But Lucy has an answer there:
She's sharp as any hatchet!
“I don't know which toe has got the itch
Until I start to scratch it.”
The itch is gone, also a scone
That Mummy Maeve has brought her.
Soon Lucy (with her wellies on)
Is back down in the water.
Jimmy, 2nd of June, 2015
Jimmy - I'm so sorry it's taken me this long to comment - but you know better than most how things have been.
I love the child-like innocence of the writing ... it's perfect for a child. I'm afraid that poetry in general is not my forté but I loved the flowing tempo and the humour in this one. I agree with Emilie that your proposed change to wording is good. And yes, if you can, do work towards a book.
Actually, those were the only two lines that jolted my read so I would change them. Up until then you have moved the poem on in action or thought every other line, but that one doesn't add anything unless you supply her full name. Losing the third 'oh' is an advantage as well.
It's a lovely poem. And I certainly approve of the subject. I'm a student podiatrist. :)
Well, it`s not Poet-Laureate stuff, but I think that it hits the spot with children. Lucinda liked it!
I'm considering changing the lines:
“Oh Lucy dear, oh darling Luce,
Oh Lucy, my own Love,"
to
“Oh Lucy dear, oh darling Luce,
Lucinda, my own Love,"
What do people think?