It started as a preadolescent child in primary school, I was fascinated by alcohol, and its effects
Despite being raised in a near teetotal household
Question after question followed, I loved it before I had even tried it, I put it on a pedestal
Obsessed by its purpose, its taste, and its appeal
Fascination and curiosity lead to mishap and misadventure, a disastrous time would ensue
The worst thing was that I was never listened to, never entertained, never did I reach a compromise
Give me a chance to do it safely and responsibly, if and when I screw up, it is on me
Do not shut me down, listen to me, tell a boy ‘No’ and he will do it anyway
Keep telling a boy ‘No’ without consultation and he will do it in secret
Discipline me and it will lead to resentment, judge me and it will spur me on
A cold shoulder does not work, an arm around the shoulder might
Do not criticise me, no one is perfect, support me, help me and guide me towards a better way of life
Understand me, empathise with me, advice is better than being told off
Do it with me, show me how to do it safely, lift my spirits, do not crush my soul
Abstinence is not an option, let us be realistic
A lifetime of mental abuse led to problems in adulthood, depression, anxiety, guilt and panic
Overthinking, being overly critical of myself and feeling worthless
Is it really that bad? Am I really that bad?
If you are told you are a disappointment too many times you start to believe it
Often alcohol is not where it begins and ends, drug abuse was the next illogical step
If you thought alcohol abuse was tough, drugs ruin you, they can kill you without killing you at all
They call it ‘The Devils Dandruff’ In one single swoop you can lose your job, your friends, your partner, your money and your sanity
It will rot your brain, it will change you and destroy you
How and why was I hooked on such an evil substance?
How and why did I put this above everything else, forsaking all others, contradicting the vowels I had taken in church
It breaks my heart to think that I chose this over my own children, my own flesh and blood
Were you not enough for me to come home to?
Thank God they were too naive to understand and too young to remember
How much did I miss out on? What was I thinking? My behaviour was disgusting, I was out of control
I will never get that time back
But I can make the future incredible
I look back now and do not recognise myself, a colossal waste of time, effort and money
I am ashamed of who I was
Imagine hating yourself, imagine feeling helpless and in pain
Imagine not wanting to be here anymore, or staring into the abys without hope or an end in sight
But with all of that comes a thick skin, weather hardened, a strong and independent, tough, resilient man
There have been mistakes, many, many mistakes
But there have also been life lessons along the way, experiences and anecdotes
These have made me become the man I am today, I can give advice
I have lived that life and came out the other side stronger
A better man, a smarter man, a happier man
A Family man.
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