I had everything I ever needed and more. Everything I could have ever asked for. When they say nothing lasts forever, they are pretty spot on. I got ill. And no I’m not talking about a physical illness or something like that. I’m talking about depression. An illness refused by many, but reality for so many more. Depression kills you just like any other illness. It takes away your morals, your respect and all the hope you have left inside you that gives you a reason to fight for yourself. “Get over it” and “it’s just a phase” are some of the many phrases they chant at us as we sit there and feel everything inside us break apart. One by one you lose every part of you that makes you who you are, and the pain is crippling each time. Doctors and psychiatrists shove pills down your throat and make you go and see counsellors who are meant to tell you how to live your life. I’m sorry but if words healed people no one would ever get hurt.
I spend days in my room staring at blank walls, looking for answers to problems that aren’t even mine to be worrying about. I guess that’s part of being a teenager though, overthinking and the desire to make up scenarios in our heads just to make ourselves angry, when in reality half of them won’t ever happen. But that doesn’t stop us. Why? Because society is brainwashing young people to believe that they will never be good enough, that they won’t fit in anywhere and that no matter how hard you cry for help your always on your own.
I like many other sufferers from depression have arms and legs full of scars, pillows filled with tears and playlists full of broken hearts. I guess I am what you would call an outcast. I don’t fit into a certain group or clique, that’s okay though, I wouldn’t want to be like those basic bitches anyway. Walking around in frilly little skirts, trying to attract the attention of a boy whose only intentions are sex. One thing you should know about me is that I don’t do ‘love’. Love is an evil and twisted emotion that is toxic to the heart and the well-being of humanity. I guess I’ve always been kind of a loner when it comes to relationships. But I don’t think that you need a relationship to fully live your life the way you want to. You are born alone and you die alone and if you ask me, other people are just decoration into the black pit they expect us to call life. The less people you have in your life, the less people you have to judge you.
I am 17 so I’m still in education. Not by choice. If you ask me, we are all human guinea pigs being directed into a slow death that is a job that won’t let us fulfil our overall goals. They used to ask me what I wanted to be when I grow up. I like many other young hopefuls answered the classic ‘princess’ or ‘fairy’ and then when you realised that your whole life was a lie and fairies aren’t real you started slowly realising that every job available to you is shit, you just have to choose the one that is less shit than the others. My class was full of the same bullshitting hopefuls with ludicrous dreams and goals that in this lifetime they are never going to achieve. We have the main pack leader, Jessica Brady. She is what I guess you would call the “queen bee” of the school. But if you ask me the only thing she is queen of is the overpowering desire to be a spoilt little brat. She wears silly little boob tubes with hot pants that ride so far up her bum she probably needs surgery to remove them. She has thick, long black hair that she always wears in a loose pony tail. Her face complexion is perfect. But with the amount of money her family pump at her she’s hardly going to be ugly is she?
1I’m not going to bore you with the others. To be honest I don’t even know half of their names. School to me was a prison cell with disgustingly painted walls and teachers who marched around the room like royalty when in all fairness everyone knows they get their silly little PowerPoint information off of Wikipedia. It must be really easy being a teacher though. Being paid to stand in front of a class and tell us how dumb we are and to restrain us when we try to use the toilets. The way I see it is that it should be illegal to stop children using the toilet. It’s hard enough to concentrate in the first place with the boring lectures we are given at 9:00 AM, let alone with a full bladder. We’ve got no hope!Then there are her little followers. Holly Milton and Sally Clarke. I guess it’s like a real life version of mean girls except these girls will probably actually achieve something in life. These girls unlike Jessica have short blonde hair. They dress like twins which is weird because they are worlds apart. Holly is from New Zealand and she has skin whiter than paper, and Sally is from the Bahamas so she Is naturally, strongly tanned with a thick accent that sometimes makes her sound like a man. Obviously these two were Jessica’s little minions, but someone had to do the job that no one sane would ever dream of doing.
I remember how in primary school everything was so simple. You would play hopscotch in the playground until your legs became weak, and run around the field like an idiot just because you could. And now life is determined by popularity and how many likes someone gets on a picture, or who can sleep with the most people in the year. I think I make up for that small minority of the population who would give anything to go back to the days when phones weren’t an accessory, but a luxury. When everyone would hang out together and have fun. That’s what being a child is all about. When I was 12, my life was spent playing in the streets with my friends and watching cheesy kid’s programmes on television, but nowadays, 12 year olds are drinking vodka, in cheap little grey tracksuits complaining about how bad their lives are.
No wonder so many people suffer depression or anxiety. You can’t even walk into a shop without being paranoid that people are staring at you and to be totally honest with the way people’s perceptions of teenagers are nowadays, if you think someone’s staring, they probably are. Judgement is an evil thing that breaks people’s self-esteem and confidence within their personality. But at the end of the day everyone does it and you would be lying if you say you never have. It’s part of who we are. We as a community are so desperate to feel good about ourselves that we look to other people and seeing their flaws make us feel better about ourselves. Life is a poison that kills you slowly. It gives you hallucinations and highs where you think you are happy, just to then shit all over you once again. I guess there really is a circle of life after all.
A very good work.
I like this piece, and very impressed by line like this:
"You are born alone and you die alone and if you ask me, other people are just decoration into the black pit they expect us to call life. The less people you have in your life, the less people you have to judge you."