my villain

by Raia Howard
31st May 2013

I could feel the evil in the air thicken, the pure horror of it all sent shivers down the ridge of my back like ice cold tears of regret they trickled and spun webs  of insane fear. I cowered in my shadow, the place in which I found myself throbbed with screams and cries of prisoners trapped in this immortal place, the darkest of dull places, the birth of all things wicked, it was formed by every single fear ever created a place that remained nameless. Smoke rimmed its edges twisting back and forth with mechanical laughter. I could smell the stench of burning buildings and debris, I could hear the petrified wails and ghastly laughter, but I could see... nothing, emptiness, solitude. I could feel myself shake, I was pinned to the ground by needles of an unknown force. Suddenly as if a knife had stabbed me viciously in the back I fell to my knees. Joining the chorus I ghasped for the floor was ice cold, ah but dear reader if only that was all! I could feel on the other side underneath what seemed to be a frozen lake, lost souls. Through my arms shook their attempts to break through, thousands of individuals rapped and banged yelled and cried on the other side, every single one of them connected directly to me. I screeched in aggony, for the hoplesness of all the beings trapped beneith the ice bottled up in me. Then without warning footsteps ringed out on the bare solid water which splintered and cracked under the pure pressure of it. The thing trudged across the seemingly barren landscape. From where I knelt I could feel the monsterous presence in which I found myself, I shivered ever so slightly. Then the clatter stoped. I wrenched my hands from the cold surface on which they rested in order to clutch my head as it spun out of control. As clear as daylight I could now see the figure before me, and what a sight it was. I could feel underneath me as all the ghosts began to retreat into the absences, it was at that moment I knew for certain I had something to fear. Suddenly I new exactly where I was. I was in the depths of my very own mind and before me stood in naked terror a reflection of myself. Her head was cocked to the side in an odd manner a spitefull smile played on her face and the eyes..... deep, dark, sad anguish reaching into the interior of her, my very soul. A single dark lock was tucked behind a pointy ear, she stood tall and proud not at all afraid to stare me strait in the eye, cutting me open and reaching down, down, far down... I tore my eyes away grimancing. Well, an exact mirror. Her shoes  lost in a distant place her barren feet showed knobbly toes and stick legs, a gown flowing from her shoulders ripped and torn into thin velvet strands and dropping neatly forming a pool of red blood around her, just like me. Her hands were tucked behind her back which gave the beast a sickly sweet error. Her pittite smile widened agresively until it formed a rude grinn, then leaking like tar a single word twisted from her lips... "Problem?"

Comments

There are some spelling mistakes, but despite this you create a wonderful atmosphere for your story and skillfully build the tension. I actually love the final line... leaking like tar a single word twisted from her lips... That is pure literal gold!

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Astor Edwyn
Teller
270 points
Starting out
Poetry
Short stories
Fiction
Autobiography, Biography and Memoir
Comic
Speculative Fiction
Adventure
Gothic and Horror
Astor Edwyn Teller
02/08/2013

I do like the avante garde direction of the writing! To me it dares look deeper into itself without care for any consequence, for example connecting words that logic (and literature) would otherwise question, good stuff.

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Anthony
Tomsic
270 points
Developing your craft
Anthony Tomsic
28/07/2013

Thx I've been complimented on my imagery before. Just out of curiosity are you an author? I'm an aspiring author.

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Raia
Howard
270 points
Ready to publish
Fiction
Autobiography, Biography and Memoir
Middle Grade (Children's)
Picture Books (Children's)
Speculative Fiction
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Historical
Raia Howard
31/05/2013