NICE GUYS GUIDE

This was a story that I wrote back in 2000 and has been in a bottom draw for several years. It originally got some agency interest and good feedback, however nothing else.

I recently took it out of the draw and finished it and self published it on the Kindle KDP.

It is currently on a soft launch and I am looking for feedback and would be interested in any thoughts....

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“Another relationship has just ended. The reason doesn’t make sense. The only thing on his mind is to have revenge on all the women that hurt him.”

It all started the day Samantha Harper, also known as the “Good Time Girl” dumped me by text message for Gary Johnson, also known as “The Bastard.” The message read. “Hi Vince I don't think it’s working out! I've met someone else. X Sam. PS. you're just too nice!" As I looked at the message scroll across my Pay As You Go phone the irony was all too clear. What had I done wrong? As I looked at the message again it became painfully clear, I was just too nice! But I thought women liked nice guys? I thought they liked someone who they could count on, someone who was not afraid of showing their emotions. I was obviously mistaken and it was then that I decided I had to change.

I had to be more like “The Bastard.” My first act of Bastardness was to send a text message back to Samantha. I picked up my phone and began to press the various keys. (Hi Sam it's Vince. No hard feelings! c u around some...) I suddenly stopped mid way through my message. The Bastard would not send a text message back to someone who had just finished with him. I quickly pressed the cancel message button on my phone and put it back on the table. I needed to know more about how to become this person I had no experience of being. What made him so appealing to women? And why was he always the one who got the “Good Time Girl? I needed to know how his mind worked, and what made him the man he was. I grabbed a pen and a piece of paper and started to write down a plan of how I would go about doing my research on the Bastard. First of all I had to have a definition. I went over to the bookshelf at the side of my room and got out an old dictionary. As I flicked through the pages my mind was occasionally interrupted by words that I thought were interesting like avuncular, or baize, which was the woollen fabric that resembles felt, which is used for the tops of billiard or card tables. Finally after a minute or so I found what I was looking for. I began to read the definition:

Main Entry: 1bas·tard
Pronunciation: 'bas-t&rd
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Old French, probably of Germanic origin; akin to Old Frisian bost marriage, Old English bindan to bind
Date: 14th century
1 : an illegitimate child
2 : something that is spurious, irregular, inferior, or of questionable origin
3 a : an offensive or disagreeable person -- used as a generalised term of abuse b : MAN, FELLOW
- bas·tard·ly adjective

So The Bastard was a disagreeable person! This much was true by the dictionary definition, but what about in the every day sense of the word. I needed to know what real men and women thought was the true definition of The Bastard. As I continued to read the definition over and over again I began to laugh. I wasn't laughing because I was happy I was laughing because I was sad. The question that kept going through my mind was why? All I wanted was to be loved. I still hadn’t found that, but perhaps becoming a Bastard would get me close. I picked up my mobile and decided to ring the only person who knew me better than myself. As I waited for her to answer her phone I still couldn't believe that Samantha had just finished with me. We'd been going out for about five months and everything seemed to be going well. We'd even planed a weekend away at the end of the month. Oh well. Her loss, I thought to myself. Onwards and upwards, bigger and better! Saying the words sounded good and positive but didn't really make me feel any better inside. After about twenty seconds or so I got through to her answer phone. “Hi it's Clare. Sorry I can't get to the phone right now. Leave a nice message and I'll get back to you. Leave a nasty message and I won't. byeeeeee.” I smiled as I heard her voice. "Hi Clare, it's me. Give me a call when you get this message. Speak to you soon...Oh by the way, have you ever been out with a Bastard? See ya."

Clare was one of my best female friends. In fact she was my only female best friend. We'd known each other for about seven years now. We first met each other in a bar in town. She asked me for a light and I remember saying something like. "Sorry I don't smoke, there bad for you!" And she said something like. "Yeah I know their bad for you but where's the fun in having something that's good for you!" After that we got chatting and ended up swapping numbers. We went out with each other for a while. Well, it was more like two weeks. There just didn't seem to be that X Factor between us, so we ended it over a meal (Donna Kebab with chilli sauce and two cans' of coke). We did however remain friends and have known each other ever since. Clare like myself didn't really have much success with the opposite sex which I always found difficult as she and I both had all the responsive care giving qualities that one would require in a possible partner namely:

1. Attentiveness

2. Warmth

3. Sensitivity

I think she just hadn't found the right person yet. Or maybe the right person hadn't found her yet. Either way she would know what I was going through right now. I put my mobile down on the table and started to walk around my front room. "Your just too nice!" I said out loud, as if I was talking to someone who didn't believe me. "Nice. I'll show you nice!" I continued, still walking around my flat. Just then my mobile rang. “Hello Vince speaking.”

“Hello you!”

“Hey Clare!” I replied back, happy to hear her voice. "So what do you know?" I asked, which was my usual starter question when beginning a conversation with friends I hadn't spoken to in a while. "Err. Not a lot to be honest." she replied. "So what's with the question?"

“What question?" I asked teasing her. “About whether I'd been out with a Bastard?”

“Oh that question!” I replied smiling into the phone. “What’s brought this on?”

“No reason. I was just wondering what you thought about the issue that's all?”

“Vince. I can tell when something's wrong!” She was right. There was no use in trying to pretend and besides, she'd find out anyway. "I'm not going out with Samantha anymore.”

“Why not?”

“I’m too nice!” I said sighing slightly. “What!”

“I’m too nice apparently.”

“But I thought..." said Clare in a somewhat confused tone. “Yeah so did." I interrupted. “Funny how you think something's are ok when there not.”

“So when did you find out?”

“Today.”

“What did you say to her?”

“I didn't say anything.”

“What do you mean you didn't say anything, you must have said something!” She was going to love this. Not. “She dumped me by text message.”

“Bitch!” I had to agree it was rather a hard thing to do. But then again finishing with someone is not supposed to be fun. I sighed. “Yeah well. It's her loss; I didn't like her that much anyway. She wore too much make up!” Clare let out a little laugh. She knew that I was lying. "Yeah she did. You can do better than that!”

“You reckon?”

“Yeah, course you can! I know that you're a great guy and one day you'll meet someone who likes you for who you are!" I began to smile. “Thanks Clare.”

“No problem.”

“So how’ve you been anyway?” I asked trying to change the subject from my depressing love life, to her possible depressing love life. "Not too bad." replied Clare. “How’s Chris?” I asked hoping it would be good news, but somehow knowing it would be bad. Chris was Clare's on off, boyfriend. Actually, I don't even know if he could be classed as a boyfriend. I didn't like him. Not because of who he was but because he was messing my friend around. “He’s alright I suppose.” replied Clare who didn’t sound that convincing. I let out a little sigh. “When did you last speak to him?”

“Two weeks ago”

“Two weeks ago!” I replied, a little shocked that someone you were supposed to be going out with had not been spoken to for so long. “Don’t give me a hard time Vince!”

“I’m not. I just don't want you to be messed about!”

“I know darling. Listen, I can't chat for long so give me a buzz tomorrow and we can meet up for a drink if you like?” She obviously didn't want to talk about it. “Yeah sounds good!” I replied taking the hint to end the conversation. "Ok, speak to you soon.”

“Yeah take care. And thanks for the call!”

“Anytime darling.”

“See you soon. Bye.” I pressed the end call button on my phone and put it on the table. I was feeling a little better now having spoken to Clare. Even though it was a very brief conversation it was nice to hear her voice. As I put my phone down, I made my way into the kitchen and got myself a bowl of Cornflakes. They were one of my many comfort foods that I had. Not very sexy, or bad for you I had to admit, which I suppose was the point of comfort foods. But they did give me all the reassurance I needed when I was feeling low. Once my special Buzz Light-year bowl was filled to the brim, I made myself comfortable in front of the sofa and watched some old film that was on.

After an hour or so, I was feeling a little bit tired and decided to go to bed. I was still feeling a little bit upset about Samantha and still needed some reassurance that things were going to be ok. Just then I got a text message on my phone. It was from Clare. "Hi Vince, don't worry. Everything will be ok. Love you loads Clare." I smiled as I read the message. Clare really was a good friend. I quickly sent a message back to her thanking her for her support. It wasn't long after I'd sent the message to Clare, before I finally fell asleep.