Pain....

by Abrar ul haq
16th March 2014

If i showed you my teardrops,would

you collect them like rain,

Store them in jars,that are labelled

with “PAIN”,

Would you follow their tracks, from

my eyes down to my cheeks,

As these tears write all those stories,

i m too scared to speak,

Would you stop them from kisses,

bring their flow to a halt,

As you teach me that pain, isn’t

always my fault ,

Would you hold my face gently, as

you dry both my eyes, and whisper

the words, ” you are too precious to

cry”.

If i showed u my tear drops, would

you show me your own, and learn

though we are lonely and far, we are

never alone……

Comments

Just beautiful - I love it.

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susan
Russell
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susan Russell
16/03/2014

As LSJ says, very delicate and beautifully put. Very good that it is quite short - that adds to the emotion.

Two small points:- Firstly; should it not be 'Stop them with kisses' not 'from kisses'? Secondly; as previously suggested, the final stanza might benefit from a tweak, as there seem to be just too many words for it to quite scan properly. You could try as above or;

'If I showed you my teardrops, would you show me your own?

And though lonely and far, we are never alone.'

If you want to keep the word 'learn' in there, the final line could be 'Though lonely and far, learn we're never alone.'

Well done and keep writing.

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Paul
Jauregui
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Paul Jauregui
16/03/2014