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The crisp, cold air gave me goosebumps as the sudden change in atmosphere gave me a disturbing unease. A small glimpse of blackness in the mirrors around the room told me that this was it. The moment had arrived. He was here. My body was paralysed in fear as his icy breath tickled the hairs on the back of my neck. I could see his darkened face in the mirrors and the look of disdain in his eyes as he stood behind me. Judging me. Testing the blackness in my heart. Waiting to take me. Take all of us. All of the people who have suffered as much as I.
I surveyed his appearance in the mirrors.
He was a moderately young man himself but the evil had made his body frail. His soul was torn with the horror of what had become of him, but he just couldn't stop. The scars on his arms each told a tale of the sorrows that had shaped his life and his pale complexion whiter than a sheet of snow, that made him look like death. His black cloak swished in the breeze as he lifted a bony finger and swirled his jagged fingernail along my arm as he finally grabbed my hand. I knew it would come to this. As we walked towards the small door I looked back and saw the memories of before fading away into cold night and I felt myself give a shrill cry as I took my last breath. He had taken my evil and walked back along the cobbled streets as if nothing had ever happened and faded into the night.
Thanks for the feedback sonya I agree with your suggestions. I think a mask instead of a virus would make more sense.
Thanks for the feedback Gordon I appreciate your comments and think that adding sound is a great idea :)
this is beautiful and one can relate to the feelings you have described so well.
I loved the lines 'silence is black-like death pushing you down' and 'like a glass filling you with nothingness'. Beautiful imagery.
two suggestions: should the last line read 'like a bird falling out of the light' or a 'bird flying into the night'. One suggestion 'like a virus stopping words from leaving your mouth', would it be possible to use a word like mask, instead of virus? Just that viruses are microscopic organisms and hardly capable of physically plugging ones mouth.
I have to say Gordon's suggested addition to your poem is lovely as well, particularly the line 'silence is the sound of darkness'. which could be modified to say 'Silence is the sound of loneliness, It echoes out through the eternity of time'.