Sleeping Ugly
William stared down at the glass casket. Lying inside on a sheet of blue silk was a woman of unknown age. She had long black hair, skin as white as snow, lips red as ripe cherries, and on her head was a silver crown.
“She’s frighteningly ugly, isn’t she?” Will asked.
His Fairy Guardian Filipa floated just above his head. “There’s no doubt about that,” she concurred.
“They say when she awakes, the prince has to marry her or there will be untold misery.”
“It is written in the Book of Prophecies,” Filipa nodded knowledgeably.
William was the current prince, and even though he was only twelve, were she to awake now, he would have to marry her. He shuddered at the thought.
“Worry not, my prince,” Filipa said, “She has been asleep for over a thousand years. Shall we head to the kitchen for some cake?”
William didn’t mind cake. They made all sorts in the kitchen. Wide and tall, small and round, ones with just cream, ones without cream; his Fairy Guardian Filipa was barely a foot tall, and yet she could really eat when it came to cakes. Her love for cakes meant they spent an unhealthy amount of time in the kitchen.
William sat on a stool and watched as Filipa began working on a seven-layered cake, each layer a foot tall. She started at the top, and he had no doubt she would finish the whole thing before long.
But then, something happened. She stopped eating quite suddenly, her large green eyes widened and she spat out the cake that was in her mouth. “She’s awoken.”
“Who’s awoken?”
Filipa didn’t reply, but her wings began to flap furiously, and then she was off. William ran after her, taking two steps at a time as he climbed the spiral staircase that led up the tower. He knew where Filipa was going; there was only one thing up there...
“The witch has awoken?” he called after her.
That was his nickname for the woman sleeping in the casket. With her long pointed nose, her droopy eyelids and the wrinkles all over her face, she reminded him off the witches from his story books that stole children in the night and ate them.
He hoped she was wrong. She was still young, and sometimes she made mistakes in interpreting her intuition. Like the time she was sure he was going to win a mini-tourney. She had seen it, Sebastian would fall off his horse and break his nose, she had said. There was no denying she had seen something for someone did fall off their horse and break their nose... it wasn’t Sebastian.
William burst through the door just behind Filipa’s tail. They were the only ones n the room, and nothing seemed different. The casket sat in the middle of the circle room undisturbed, showing no signs of any movement.
And then there was a knock. William jumped, startled. “What was that?” he looked around, wondering where it had come from. The casket began to wobble as muffled sounds emanated from it.
“We have to help her” Filipa said and she floated towards the casket. She came to a sudden stop over it, and a low screech escaped her lips. “Oh William, you poor thing” she said as she put both her hands over her mouth.
William made his way from the door towards the casket cautiously. If the witch had truly woken, he would have to marry her or, as the prophecy foretold, bring doom and misery and whatnot to his people. As he peered over the side of the glass and looked in, he met her blue eyes as she stared back out.
His breath stopped. She was more frightening awake than she was asleep.
He took a step back and looked up at Filipa. “I’m not marrying her” he turned and ran out of the room and down the tower. There was no way he was spending the rest of his life with her, waking up every morning next to that face... he didn’t care about the prophecy, he didn’t care about his people, he was a twelve year old boy! No, the prophecy would have to be rewritten, or his people would just have to adjust to a life of misery and doom.
He didn’t know where he was going as he continued running as fast as he could. He was outside now, and he could hear Filipa calling his name, telling him to wait. But he didn’t stop; this was one time he wasn’t going to listen to her.
He ran and ran until his shins felt like they were going to snap and his chest felt like it was going to explode. He stumbled to the ground, tired and gasping for breath. As he sat there with his head down, he could hear the fluttering of wings. It was a familiar sound.
“I’m not marrying her” he said, looking up at Filipa.
Filipa said nothing, but her lips curled which normally meant an idea was beginning to formulate in her head. William hoped it was a good one. They weren’t always. He slowly got to his feet and stared up at her with hope.
“We run away” she finally said.
William’s eyes narrowed. That would have been the sort of plan he would have ventured. She was his Fairy Guardian. She was meant to be smarter and wiser than grown men and women, and she was thinking along the same lines as he was. What did that mean? Either she wasn’t very smart at all, or he was really smart. His mind was inkling towards the former.
“No, think about it” she said. “You relinquish your crown before we run away. If you’re not the prince, you don’t have to marry her. In your absence, they’ll find someone else to appoint as prince and he will have to marry the witch and once that’s happened, you can always come back” Filipa grinned. “It’s a brilliant idea”.
Running away for a while, going on an adventure whilst someone else married the witch, that didn’t sound so bad. In fact, it sounded like good fun. He could always return once he bored of his time away.
“How do I relinquish the crown?” he asked.
Filipa shrugged. “Take it off and throw it away. I’m sure that’ll do it” she said.
William raised his right hand and felt for his crown. He pulled it off and held it in front of him. It was made of silver, similar to the one that the witch wore. Apparently they were two of a kind and there was some sort of bond between them.
He threw it away as far as he could.
“What now?”
“We’re already at the stables. Mount a horse” Filipa smiled widely. “Let’s ride.”
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Hi SIA, thanks for sharing your twist on 'Sleeping Beauty'. Making William just a boy, and Filipa a fairy (though we've no idea what kind, as you mention a tail) is fun.
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You have a problem throughout with dialogue punctuation: you need to use something to end the words inside the inverted commas. When it's a question, you use a question mark, correctly; that defines the end of the spoken words and gives added information about the nature of those words. The same applies to all speech - you need a comma or full stop, or a replacement, to show that the phrase has ended.
'Will asked' - better to say he commented - the question is rhetorical.
“There’s no doubt about that” she concurred. - comma at end of speech (inside the inverted commas); I'd leave out 'she concurred', as we know who's speaking and that she's agreeing.
“It is written in the Book of Prophecies” Filipa said knowledgeably.' - same applies: comma to end speech, and leave out 'knowledgeably'
'He hoped she was wrong. She was still young...' 'She' here refers to Filipa, but the female last spoken of is the witch: therefore, 'He hoped Filipa was wrong.'
'and break their nose... it wasn’t Sebastian.' - ellipsis wrong here. You could say 'someone did fall off his horse and break his nose'.
'just behind Filipa’s tail' - what is Filipa? Does she have a tail?
'ones n the room,' - in; 'the circle room' - circular, and avoid repetition of 'room' by using 'space' instead.
'“What was that?” he looked around,' - 'He looked around' is a separate action from the speaking the words, and so takes a capital. Otherwise, 'he said, looking round' or 'as he looked around'
Same applies at '“I’m not marrying her” he turned and ran'
'the sort of plan he would have ventured' - does one venture a plan?
'“No, think about it” she said. “You relinquish your crown before we run away. If you’re not the prince, you don’t have to marry her. In your absence, they’ll find someone else to appoint as prince and he will have to marry the witch and once that’s happened, you can always come back” Filipa grinned. “It’s a brilliant idea”.' As you've already got 'she said', you need to detach 'Filipa grinned' from the sentence ending 'back'; and you could lose the name completely as we know who's speaking. Full stop inside the inverted commas.
“No, think about it,” she said. “You relinquish your crown before we run away. If you’re not the prince, you don’t have to marry her. In your absence, they’ll find someone else to appoint as prince and he will have to marry the witch, and once that’s happened, you can always come back.” She grinned. “It’s a brilliant idea."
'the witch, that didn’t sound' - you could use a dash instead of the comma, or a colon
'He could always return once he bored of his time away.' - 'grew bored', or 'tired of'
'Mount a horse” Filipa smiled widely. “Let’s ride.”' - comma after 'horse'.
Hope this helps.
Lorraine