It was way past dawn by the time Caidens father returned from the hunt. Whispers said that there were a pack of wolves killing farmers livestock and father acted quickly before complaints rolled in from the westerlands. Caiden liked asking his father about the journey, he made it a song of dancing steel and swordplay. On his 12th nameday, Caiden received his own sword, forged especially for him. It was no longsword but it was short and deadly, enough to kill the enemy. Along with learning the ways of the law and lordship, Caiden was taught how to be a soldier from as far back as he could remember, the importance of a lord and heir of house Fornwood never took Caiden focus when he was young, all he was interested in was playing with the other smallfolk and his father used to always tell him ''time for playing is for later, Caiden. Think of it as a reward, pay attention in your teachings and I will let you do whatever you wish to do. The role you are playing is imporant, remember that''. Now, Caiden was drawing near too his fourteenth nameday, the age where a boy has to prove himself to then become a man. He would be taken to a far off woods, left to find his way back and on his return, he would need to bring back a beast dead. The size and type of beast determined how strong the boy is, this has been the tradition ever since Caidens great great grandfather, Forn, slayed the great beast Beorwulf with nothing but his hands in the wulfwood, now known as the fornwood. Not only did it show great strength to the villagers but it also made peace, he was their protector and they raised him to lordship giving him the title 'fornwood'. Where Beowulf lay slain a castle was erected and a city built in the mist of forest and hill. The city was named Dalinor, after his son. Other kids were to scared to enter the walls of the castle when Caiden led them, it was said that Beowulfs ghost still roamed the castle and that was the reason why maids and stewards went missing, never to come back...When caiden said that it wasnt true, the other kids poked fun at him and said that he would go missing and he would be found dead in his bed with throat torn open.
Like, Victoria said, this is quite a good start. There are minor problems, nothing with a good proofread and an edit can't solve. such as- "and father acted quickly", as you're talking of something the father has already completed, I think it would sound more natural and go with the flow of the story, if you said- "and father had acted quickly". But as I said, a good proofread and an edit could easily solve such minor problems.
Now about the content itself, the writing is fairly consistent and it maintains a good theme all along, it lets the reader visualize well, as a good story should. I personally as a reader would like to read more, its content is nice Epic Fantasy. But I'm guessing this is the prologue, so there is a lack of description present. Excuse me, for that as a fantasy-lover, writer and reader of the genre, I think fantasy tails thrive on great story, story-telling and their wonderfully descriptive and imaginative themes and ideas, that give off a sense of originality. So when you continue your tale, I hope you look into these aspects.
-Hope I Helped
And as a Sword fighter would say, May your Sword Stay Sharp.(Eragon) :)
This is a really good start Kai, it flows really well and you give enough background information to ensure the reader doesnt get confused. I hope you post more as I would love to read more :)
Dear Kai,
I am an amateur critic. But I go by the heart. It is a well written outline. I mean I liked the start of the story, it has the essential ingredients. Yeah, there are some lines where I felt you could have done better but I guess this is your first rough draft? There is a flow in the story and I am eager to find out what happens further. You know, a teenage boy in the limelight always makes an interesting character. He is always doing something wrong, being overconfident and chesty and too proud to listen to anyone!(Not counting the fact that I myself am a teenager!Lolzz!) Guess, I stop my rambling!
Good Luck! I hope to read this story in detail in the near future!
-- Neeraj V Murali