After reading your comments about Victoria Tucker's poem Torment, I have decided to post my poem without stating what it is about.
Story Time
Mrs Hochsprung was on the reading mat next to me.
She didn’t tell the children to shush in the hall.
Her eyes didn’t blink blink blink like they usually did.
Annie was underneath her, eyes scrunched tight
lips mumbling this morning’s assembly prayer.
The bangs sounded like mummy banging pans
when she was cross at Sandy or Luke or daddy.
She was going to be cross when she saw my dress.
A policeman pushed Mrs Hochsprung on her side.
His hand went down his face after he’d felt her neck.
Mummy said daddy cried when the Stork brought me.
Annie’s lips had stopped mumbling she’d gone to sleep.
Heaps of my friends went to sleep today at story time.
Dear Karen
Thanks for your comments, I really appreciate the feedback. I wrote the poem with a six year old girl in mind and trying to find the right voice for her was difficult. The Sandy Hook massacre inspired me to right this poem, researching the details was very upsetting.
Hi Jayne,
I really like this poem because of how subtle it is. There is nothing more mundane for a child than "story time", and yet this is such a cataclysmic event that words cannot even describe it. For me the title of the poem functions on several levels: First, it reminds us that this should have been just a normal day at school for these children. Second, it is clear that the child does not understand the extent of the tragedy or upheaval that is taking place around her (or him?). And finally, this really is really a story being told from a child's point of view and I think you capture that voice really well.
Ta,
Karen
Hi Kate
Yes, your comments were helpful, thanks. Where are you thinking with the comma, after the word mumbling? Not sure about that, might be better. I was doing my MA in Creative Writing when I wrote this poem and just wanted it to look different on the page, hence the lines grouped into two/three. Not much of a reason, granted ha ha.
Hi Susan
I'm glad you liked the poem, and to be honest, I don't really understand all the ins and outs of poetry myself. But I try... : - D