Pining for company
Blasted by lightning
A spike on the tree line
High as Hardknott
Fixed in position
Like the earth of the "black book"
In the autumn of its days
The branches are ossified
Like an old dog's mind
Life's ululating tempest
Breaks them off
Their corpses feed the tree
It digests its decomposing detritus
Self-cannibalism to survive
Deluding itself that the ground is good
Toxins are locked in the bark
Unable to adapt to change
It awaits its demise
Crucified by inflexibility
James Cragg
Hia James, thanks for responding and apologies for not spotting it sooner! Glad my feedback was constructive and I appreciate the explanation of the black book reference, not one I'd come across before. Steve
Cheers, Steven,
I appreciate your constructive and useful feedback, very much. "Tree" isn't really about a tree at all - it's about a person...the final line gives this away and some of the other phrases suggest this too. The reference to "lightning" refers to electrical storms in the brain. Hardknott is a high pass in the Lake District - 1,300 feet above sea level. The "black book" is the bible which says, I believe, "God has fixed the earth so fast that it cannot be moved." In "Under Milkwood" by Dylan Thomas, he uses the phrase, "starless and bible black". This is also the title of an L.P. by King Crimson; but Dylan penned it first. The leather bindings of old bible's tended to be black. I hope this helps a little.
Regards,
James
Hi James, I'll start by being picky and maybe a bit ignorant!
You start with 'Pining', which is a fitting pun, but the rest of the piece sounds like a deciduous tree. I know, picky, but it is the first image you present.
I don't get the Hardknott and "black book" references. It doesn't affect how I'm reading it but I do feel like I'm missing something.
Otherwise lots of good stuff. I like the subtle anthropomorphisms. At first I wondered why 'ossified' was in there but it hooked me into looking for the other references. Also, nicely worked: 'ossified' and 'old dog's mind'. Meaning aside, it's lovely phrasing.
Steve