In the land of my broken dreams
I breath but God be praised
for the sun scorches but shines forever
Flights of birds clothed in colours clear,
a feast for my eyes and the dust I raise, I hear the music of life
Moon prepares to climb into night
I bathe myself in the sounds of life
starting to stir
and not long after, my heart answers back
As I put my body down, I know
tomorrow the waves from the seas will bring with them change
and when I close my eyes
my prayer is for my people
I like it overall, Tshegofatso, but a bit awkward in places. The first three lines suffer from repetition and the the last two are lacking the natural rhythm in the rest. See how it reads without those lines:
Flights of birds clothed in colours clear
a feast for my eyes and the dust I raise
I hear the music of life
Moon prepares to climb into night
I bathe myself in the sounds of life
starting to stir
Not long after, my heart answers back
As I put my body down, I know
the waves from the seas bring change
Of the removed lines, you might want to put them back but they would benefit from reworking. In the opening lines there are two 'but's' which spoil it for me. The first one could be lost altogether.
The last two lines, telling us you close your eyes. This might be inferred by the action of praying. How about just:
And I pray for my people.
Not bad at all.
A nice poem. Some of the verses could be short and a bit more catching!!
Good Luck!! ::D
Hi Tshego,
I like your poems and emotion in it.
So beautiful
" Moon prepares to climb into night
I bathe myself in the sounds of life"
I want to send the composed music for you, but I do not know how to send, you can help guide me?
Best wishes.