This is a bit from a picture book I'm imagining at the moment about a cat, parrot,spider and rat...
Their boat was smashed to bits,
Their sails were no more,
They were washed up, shipwrecked, cast away
On a desert island shore.
Not much remained of their boat, the 'Golden Stag',
Nothing but the Cat, his crew and their Flag.
But Cat had a plan,
He could save the day!
With teamwork, a treetrunk, and flag,
They'd soon be on their way!
Together they sat on the warm island sand.
Cat told them what he knew.
They nodded in agreement,
as he explained what to do.
Excuse the typo too..
Should read 'The once proud ship would sail no more.'
Robert
Kirsty,
Please don't take offence, but I am in agreement with Jennifer. I have taken the liberty of reshaping your initial idea as follows:
Their leaky boat was smashed to bits.
They were washed up, ragged and scared of wits.
The one proud ship would sail no more,
Leaving them shipwrecked on a deserted shore.
Not much remained of the 'Mighty Stag',
Save the Cat, his crew and their pirate flag.
But the feline leader had a plan,
Involving teamwork, a dug out and Spider Stan.
Together they sat on warm island sand,
And Cat told them what he knew.
They listened and nodded, this harmonious band,
Sensing Captain Cat would see them through.
Just to get you started - I hope you don't mind. Bin it if you think I am being too cheeky or forward. Regards
Robert
Hi Kirsty,
Can I suggest you read it out loud? In some places the rhythm is broken and it doesn't scan very well.
For example, the last verse could benefit with correction.
Perhaps if you stick to a set form, rhyming couplets with a fixed number of syllables to keep the rhythm flowing, for example, then this may help?