I spotted a girl in front of me. She had luxrious wavy brunette shiny locks which glistened in the sunshine. She was wearing a wooly green jumper with a plait highskirt woth black leggings with red verse. She was leaning G
I spotted a girl in front of me. She had luxrious wavy brunette shiny locks which glistened in the sunshine. She was wearing a wooly green jumper with a plait highskirt woth black leggings with red verse. She was leaning G
Hello Annisha,
Thankyou for your comment,I really appreciate it. No it is not a translation thanks again for the link! :)
Also, there are a few words misspelt... and your word choices, sentence structure are a bit distracting...
Is the above work a translation to english?
Hey Beverley, the voice of the above piece is too passive, your telling with not enough showing... I found the article at the following link very helpful in this regard, showing versus telling... http://www.ilona-andrews.com/articles/show-dont-tell
With a bit more polish/showing I believe the above piece will be more engaging...
Hope I was helpful...