*YOU WHO?*
If i didn't say goodbye,
it wouldn't bè real. I couldn't say goodbye,
because for me it would never bè real.
11 years later and still its not real.
But missing you dearly.
That's real.
Thinking of you every day that's real.
I found and picked up a Penny today. Was that you sending luck my way?-
-What is happening to me?
I can hardly remember you anymore.
'Heck' i can just barely remember me, or what day/month/even year it may be.
Even though your gone, i want to get to know you.
see if you were like me.
-As i waved to the magpie, 3rd one this month.
can't help but wonder, as yet again, i shudder.
Then it start's to rain and thunder.
I smile... :)
Stealing my thought's.
Where was i?
Oh yes.. Rain&thunder Then i shudder.
Deja-vu as i wonder.
Tryin to remember just as i forget,
more and more as i do.
Even my closest memory's
My memory's of you. X
Thank you all for your comments. Poisoned apple and empathy was written with my father in mind. This one however was written about my late mom.
Looking at this alongside "Poisoned Apple" makes me think that this one MIGHT be about your father, as well (who said "byebye" figuratively [by dying]). But I'm guessing that it was somebody else close to you whom you lost in some way.
Don't feel obliged to answer that. It's a powerful poem, anyway.
Some might object to your repeating "goodbye", "real", and "shudder" at the end of lines as if you were stumped for rhymes.
But - since you make no attempt to rhyme the whole poem, I can't agree with this POSSIBLE criticism.
Repeating words may be a form of stressing what is important to you. And this poem is ABOUT goodbyes and what is real.
Well done!
4th success!
Just a few quibbles this time:
You shouldn't have an accent on bè (unless you're being too deep for me: in which case, please explain). Or is it a secret (in-joke)?
"picked up a Penny today" means that you picked up a woman (or girl) named Penny. Otherwise: penny.
"your gone" should be "you're gone". VERY common mistake.
start's and thought's each have an ' too many.
Tryin either has an ' too few (Tryin') or is missing a g.
"Even my closest memory's
My memory's of you."
"My memory's of you" means "My memory is of you".
The 2 lines together should either be:
"Even my closest memory's...
My memory's of you."
or
"Even my closest memories:
My memories of you."