Columbia - Chapter 1

by David Castanho
22nd June 2013

Chapter 1

When I was younger I use to believe in all those mythical stories my mother would tell me. She would tell me all kinds of stories from dark creatures that live in woods, to knights slaying dragons. My mother would always somehow have my full attention, but as I grew these stories began to fade and I forgot what it felt like to be a kid. I didn’t believe any more, I had loss interest, I was simply too mature. I’m sixteen now so I stopped believing all those stories when I started facing the real world. Things have been happening in my life recently that don’t have an answer to them. My life is about to change in the unimaginable way...

My story begins in a small cottage up on a hill. The cottage is surrounded by old oak trees and is not far from the village where I attend school.

I have lived there all my life and it has always given me that feeling of being safe and secure, even though we live in the middle of nowhere.

“Alaska hurry up, you’re gonna be late again today!!” shouts my mum with her tired worn out voice as she stands at the bottom of the stairs. I grab what I can for school and dash down the stairs. I stand at the bottom of the stairs and turn my head to the kitchen and see my mother sitting near the window just staring out into our backyard. I wonder what she could possibly be thinking about. What could be going through her mind? Recently my mum has become lost in her own thoughts and doesn’t even notices she’s doing it.

“Mum I’m going!” I shout trying to get her attention. I see her head turn towards me as if she is about to say something, then she just turns away.

I leave my house and make my way down the lane that is surrounded by old oak trees and nettle bushes. Every morning when I walk past here I see lots of different animals running around. The most common animal I see are foxes, in fact they have become so tame that they even come up to you when you offer them food. At the end of the lane there are two paths, one that leads to the village and the other that brings you deeper into the woods. I have been into the woods before but as I got to a certain point I had thrills that ran through my body, so I had to turn back. I’m standing at the bottom of the lane when I feel a hard hand grab a hold of my shoulder. I feel the air escape from my lungs as I let out a terrified gasp. I turn to face whatever it is that has a hold of me and come across a face that is familiar. “Jesus Stephan!.” I say with a shocked voice. “Hahahaha, why so jumpy Al?” laughs Stephan. I’ve known Stephan since we were in primary. We always use to play together and watch each other’s backs when we were in trouble. Lately Stephan has been hanging out with a group of people who believe that they are better than everyone else. I think it’s just so he can be popular and catch the eyes of girls. To be honest I don’t know how he does it, his dress sense is terrible. He always wears baggy jeans and T–shirts that are way beyond his size. “What were you staring at?” asks Stephan. I quickly try and change the topic so that he doesn’t think that i’m weird. “Hey, I like what you’re wearing” I say unconvincingly. “Thanks it’s my dad’s” jokes Stephan.

We finally get to the school gates when some of Stephan’s friends pull him away from me and start whispering. I know what their whispering about, their whispering about me. Their probably telling Stephan not to hang around me because it’s bad for his reputation. The same old garbage they feed nearly everybody that joins their little gang. The head of the group is a tall and skinny girl called Kaila Beeton. She is the prettiest girl in school with her golden blond hair, clear skin and deep blue eyes. Kaila comes from a wealthy family who own their own businesses, so she looks down on people like me just because we don’t live in a posh estate. I have tried to join their group before but they turned me down because I didn’t have a father. My father left my mother when I was two years old. I never tried to find him because I thought he left because he couldn’t stand up to the plate when it comes to fatherly hood.

I look over to them and catch eye contact with Stephan. He stares at me as if to say sorry using his facial expressions. I immediately break eye contact with him and start walking away from them. The rest of the school day I didn’t speak to any one, I just wanted to be left alone. My mind was full of thoughts at the time, thoughts that were filled with sorrow and disbelief. That afternoon I decided to take a different root home so that I wouldn’t bump into Stephan and had to put up with the awkwardness. I knew that he was going to ditch me because I wasn’t good enough anymore, I had to save myself from the heartache. I took a route that I hadn’t taken before. It leads into the woods that I had tried to cross before. It was really quiet and I could hear the sound of every branch I broke and all the sounds of the woods. I felt as if I was being watched by something, almost as if it was walking right behind me. The further into the woods I would walk the more intense the feeling would become. When I finally decided to stop walking I realised how far into the woods I had travelled. I looked up as the sky started to become darker with shades of dark blue and small sparkling lights. I attempted to walk further into the woods, when my foot becomes caught in some tangled vines and I feel my body falling to the ground. I find myself slipping down a steep slope and being unable to stop. It felt like my body was being thrown around as if I didn’t weigh anything at all. Suddenly I feel the impact of the ground as I finally come to a stop. My hands were cut and bruised; I had bits of twigs and dirt on my clothes and in my hair.

I find the strength within me to lift my body up of the hard cold ground. I brush all the dirt of me and pull the thorns out of my hands feeling every sting. Something draws my attention at the corner of my eye. I kneel down to try and identify the strange looking object. It is a hard wooden tube with 4 small holes on the top of the object and one large hole at the bottom. I scoop the object up with my badly bruised hands and stare at it for a while. I have never seen anything like this before in my life, what could it be? I safely put the object in my rug sac. A strange smell suddenly appears a smell you wouldn’t normally come across in the woods. As I turn my head to follow the smell, I see my home cottage. Could I have fallen that far into the woods that I landed right outside the cottage?

I walk up to the cottage and walk inside. “Mum, I’m home” I say looking around for her. I walk into the kitchen and find her still sitting on the chair staring out into the backyard. Could she have not moved since this morning? “Mum” I call trying to get her attention. “Oh, Alaska, Your back already?” says mum in a surprised voice. She jumps out of the chair and runs to the fridge. “I’ll make us some tea” she says as if nothing happened. I stand there for the next five minutes just staring at her. I began to think, is my mum starting to lose the plot? A horrible feeling came over my body as those thoughts were spinning around in my head. I needed to get out of here; I walked towards the kitchen door with my head bowed down trying to shake away all those uncomfortable thoughts. “Stephan called earlier. I told him you were out” says my mum. I close my eyes and walk away from the kitchen. I just wanted to get away from everyone today. I opened my bedroom door and laid there on my bed. That weird object I found in the woods starts to dwell on my mind. What could it be? What was it doing lying down in the woods? I may not have answers now, but I will do soon.

Replies

Thank you for your feed back. I am glad that you are interested in my story. I have never written a story before so hearing what you have just said means a lot to me because I can take your advise and use it to improve my story.

Thank you very much Gordon.

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David
Castanho
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David Castanho
23/06/2013

Hi David, Well you have a very intriguing story here my friend, you have created the flow of suspense woven into your story. You have also created that term writers use called the "Hook" which leaves the reader wanting, gasping, eager for more.

Questions that run through your mind, that we as a reader need to find the answer to. Like what's wrong with Al's mum, Why has his so called close friend started to drop him like a hot potato, and what is this strange object that Al has found. Does it hold some kind of hidden power, and what creature has been watching him from a distance, Is it of this realm. Or from some mystical world drawn into Al's world by mistake, could this be how their paths are crossed.

I believe you have the threads of a really good story hear my friend, depending on where you want to go with it next. Your choices are many, Its strictly down to your own imagination.

As I live in a woody rural setting in the borders of Scotland, I understand what you character feels about his surroundings, with the nature and the landscape in abundance I think how lucky am I living so close to nature.

Having spent a chunk of my life in the concrete jungle called towns and city's. No thank you, give me the romantic countryside any day and I will grasp it with both hands.

Yes David you have the roots to a very good story and I can only say that, A) I hope you continue with this story and take us deeper into the story, and B) please don't stop what you are doing because it is in my humble words a very good story.

I Thank you my friend and hope I will get to see more of your work please, keep it up. :)

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Gordon
Bailey
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Gordon Bailey
23/06/2013