Help with new narrative

Hi All,

I have just posted a fragment of a piece I am working on and need lots of help!

Please crit honestly I can take it! I struggled with dialogue so feed back in this department would be really appreciated. I am trying to write in a mid England dialect hence the strange words. Does it work or make the reader confused?

Any assistance would be great not sure where the story is going just got it into my head and had to write.

Many thanks

Anne