Hi everyone, I know it's been a while since i came on here last but I'm feeling kind of lost. Ive never been a confident writer and had to overcome various writing barriers to get where I am now with my book, but it also feels like I'm never going to get there.
I finished my first draft of my book 3 years ago, but with a job and children i find it hard to get concentrated time just to write and edit. The problem i have is that I have no one to read it and help me to see the errors. Can anyone suggest a website where i can buddy up with someone who could help me and in return I would try and help them?
I'm just finding it hard when people continue to say a good first draft. Maybe it is time to give in.
I have just had a read and I slightly agree with Debbie. I have to admit I am a good culprit for overwriting. What Is the total word count and how many chapters ?
Firstly well done for completing your book, that alone is to be applauded. I am two chapters off finishing my first draft and it has been a rollercoaster of emotions.
I agree with Damien put a couple of chapters out for feedback. Or do you have a couple of friends you can hand it out to who can give you some critique?
Good luck!
I wouldn't give in. You are a good writer. I have just read your piece.
I think the reasons why people are saying it's a first draft is because it's slightly overwritten. You have some great descriptive sentences that fly off the page. But then you have some telling which kind of makes the text lag. For example the smoking part at the start, I'd remove completely. It kind of takes you out of the moment, and I want to be with her in the car.
"Alex accelerates, making my stomach lurch, my fingers prickle and my breathing races while my face wears the ridiculous grin of a toddler eating sherbet."
I love the 'todder eating sherbert' because you can really see it happening. But be careful when you use bits like this because you're writing in the 1st person. She can't see herself grinning. She can't see what she looks like. You can only describe how she feels. Does that make sense? :)
"... the red tips of the tall radio masts give warning to any low flying aircraft." You could skip from here to "I blink and the red lights are [already] gone."
"then swings the old, but beautiful, GTO into our favourite car park." I'd remove 'beautiful'. Why is it beautiful? What is it about the car that she likes?
You tell quite a bit when describing Alex: sexy, handsome etc. Why is he sexy?
"I loved to watch Alex as he drove, taking in the detail of his (handsome) heart shaped face, watching his long legs and strong arms as he moves through the mechanics of driving. He didn’t look much taller than I sat down, our body lengths similar, but his (amazing) legs pushed his standing height to a (sexy) six foot two inches."
I'd remove the (). You can already tell he's sexy/handsome/amazing by the rest of the text.
Please don't get despondent from what I've said though, you're a good writer :) Overwriting was one of my problems when i did my first draft.
When you go through it (and please do because I have really enjoyed reading it) take each sentence and ask whether you think it's necessary. Is it repeated somewhere else in the text?
“You are safe with me and I will never leave you.” Then his face changes.
After this, the text is AMAZING! Loved it! I want to get here quicker and have the text as exciting as this :)
I hope you aren't upset that I've been critical. I didn't just want to go 'good first draft' and then leave you hanging. I really do hope this helps you :) I want to read more!
Love, Debbie x